Must be a better way

Now both Dad and Mom are gone for some reason I remember the hopeful yet angry and creative young man I once was.

The old saying, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone" applies here.

When you are young you can be angry hopeful happy and unhappy all at the same time. You live in constant overwhelm of both bad and good things. You think your youth will never end. Everything that happens is about you.

I was 20 something. Flash forward 40 years and my life is about my children since I have been raising at least one child under 15 since 1974. If you aren't married or don't want kids you might be horrified by this. However, when my first son was born in 1974 it gave me a reason to stay alive. At the time there had been so many girlfriends and other difficult experiences that I hadn't really had a good reason to stay alive until my son was born. Being a father defined my life. Not being a lover, or a husband but being a father was the first thing that reallly made sense enough to me to sacrifice my life too. And I have been raising kids ever since and teaching my beliefs and traveling the earth with them. My step kids are now 37 and 35 and my son is 34 and all are doing well in their careers. My youngest two daughters are 19 and 12 and my life still is about being a good father. It isn't always easy but it has been my life since 1974 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

A completely self centered life just sort of led me to excess and suicide. Even with spirituality thrown in it wasn't enough until God started manifesting in my life as my children. In an infant and young child one can discover if one allows themselves to, God, in the human condition. Infants and babies are what we all are without all the conditioning good and bad that we suffer through growing up. Obviously, I'm not thrilled with all the conditioning slammed into us until our ears and eyes bleed growing up. Social conditioning is the cruelest thing we do to each other growing up. However, it is the best we have until humans evolve further. But we must keep trying for something better, some better way to grow up. There must be a better way.