Hopeful that I might survive at all

I was watching a new documentary by Michael J. Fox on Tv tonight on Optimism. And I was wondering why I couldn't ever get to the point of being an optimist. As I watched this program I realized I had a different reaction to infirmity than Fox did or than Armstrong the champion bicyclist did. I felt crushed (killed) by whooping cough at age 2 and by childhood epilepsy from ages 10 to 15. These experiences for me were a lot like being put in front of a firing squad and shot by soldiers every day for about 6 years of my life and then told, "Now go live your life!". My reaction to all that wasn't optimism, my reaction was, "WTF?" "Now What?" I knew that I had been traumatized out of my mind and now I was just supposed to go on like nothing had ever happened? Are you crazy?

So, the best I could muster as a young person was idealism which to me means that you believe that you might be able to get to a good place if you struggle hard enough. For me, idealism led to cynicism which led to pragmatism which led back to idealism in the form of being either a pragmatic idealist or an idealistic pragmatist. In other words I see all the blood, guts and suffering of the world very clearly and have experienced a lot of it very personally. However, I still have hope for the human race. I still believe that all beings can eventually get enlightened. But, Yes, I guess in order to believe that I have to believe in reincarnation or the whole thing doesn't really work for me. Do I expect or want you to believe what I believe too? NO. You have to do whatever works for you or how could I ever respect you. What I believe I have almost died many times struggling to find my way and just survive another day.

When I look back and realize just how traumatized I have been by everything I have had to survive in my life, I have nothing but compassion for every living being on earth. Whatever you have to do to survive makes sense to me unless it harms other beings. That's where I draw the line. You just can't harm others without severe consequences. The consequences don't come from me. They will just naturally come from life.

Because what goes around comes around, sooner or later, it always works this way.

So, am I an optimist? NO way! But do I respect optimists. Yes! Without them none of us would be here now and the human race would be extinct already.

God Bless the optimists!