You Can't do it but God Can!

I felt very lost last night. I even wrote a poem here that I deleted called, "The past is over and the future's not here yet". But, I thought it was too depressing and deleted it. All the "falling through space" metaphors were too much.

Today, I have had a very interesting experience. The Tivo sometimes is very cosmic. In other words stuff on different channels that I haven't or am not watching often comes up when I first turn it on. The first time this evening it was the last 10 minutes of the Joel Osteen Show:
Info and results on joel osteen.

1. 
   

   Joel Osteen Ministries - Home

   www.joelosteen.com/‎

   Sign up to receive our FREE daily devotional email: Receive this week's message: #587. Something That You've Never Seen. Find a good church in your area:.
   

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2. 
   

   Joel Osteen - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

   en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joel_Osteen‎

   Joel Scott Osteen (born March 5, 1963) is an American preacher, televangelist, author, and the Pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. His ministry ...

   Then after Streaming "Admission" with:

   
   

   
   

   Admission (2013) - IMDb

   www.imdb.com/title/tt1814621/‎

   Rating: 5.6/10 - ‎10,376 votes

   Directed by Paul Weitz. With Tina Fey, Paul Rudd, Nat Wolff, Gloria Reuben. A Princeton admissions officer who is up for a major promotion takes a professional ...
   

   ‎User Reviews - ‎Release Info - ‎Parents Guide - ‎Full cast and crew

   I turned the TV back to normal cable tv from Amazon Prime streaming and found a black minister saying, "You can't do it but God can". Both times I was riveted by God talking to me in this way and showing me something he wanted me to see and to know.

   
   

   I had been at Nepenthe and a nice looking tall lady there was helping my wife buy jewelry. At one point she  opened a book up to someone holding a boy with long hair, (it was obviously sometime between 1965 and 1975 when young people looked like this. I said casually, "Oh. I used to look like this when my son was under 3 too." And the sales lady said innocently, "Oh. You used to be Hot didn't you." Then I said, "Yes. Now we are only legends in our own minds."

   She spoke the truth innocently and I spoke the truth too. But what happened to me inside is that at a very deep level I knew most people I know my age are already dead. Most of my friends and almost all my relatives are dead and I felt lost, really lost. So, my subconscious reeled at, "Yes. Now we are only legends in our own minds."

   
   

   So, today God coming on the TV spontaneously show me he knew I was having problems too and giving me a new pep talk. 

   
   

   Because of course, "You can't do it!"

   
   

   But God can let you live by Grace as long as he wants you too.

   
   

   I think that was really it. I used to look around me at all these people that I respected and looked up to and they are all dead now but I'm still around by God's Grace.

   
   

   But, I'm really aware my life since about age 40 to 50 is just that, an ongoing miracle. But, sometimes it really becomes clear what a miracle I'm living because logically I should be dead too. So, the only way it makes sense is if I'm living inside a miracle, a state of Grace. There isn't any logic to my life except as a miracle. If I even tried to look at my life seriously another way I would have to just lay down and die right now. So, if you have no way to make sense of your life except that it is an ongoing miracle, then bring the miracles on! Thank you God!
   
   Recently my step father in law who is 95 and still has all his marbles asked me how old I was. I said, "Can you Believe I'm 65" and he said without missing a beat, "You're just a young thing, Fred." I found that very comforting. I can remember when he flew me about 10 years ago now in his plane, a Beechcraft Bonanza V tail down the coast to Big Sur to see what the fire had done to the Wilderness area then. Then he flew to the airport to drop me off before he flew back to southern California where he lives. He was about 85 then and still flying. He sold his plane the next year or two but was still flying in his mid 80s. I found this to be an inspiration. He's still a member of the flying club and was the president when in his 80s still and still flies all over the place with his friends in their planes still at 95. His Brother is 100 and has all his marbles too. I think he is an inspiration to me as to what is possible. And that's a good thing.
   
   I was moving things around so I could store my son's car in our two car garage today. When I went to move the motorcycle (a 2009 Kawasaki Dualsport KLR 650) I found there wasn't really room to drive it to where I wanted to park it. So, I huffed and puffed like I did when younger to (oxygen up) and grabbed the back with one hand while lifting and actually picked up the back end of the bike to move it into place. But, the problem is I can still do that at 65 but I'm going to pay for it lifting something that heavy now with my right arm and right leg while stabilizing it with my left hand on the handlebars. So, within a few hours I knew I shouldn't have done that and so got into the Hot Tub before I was laid up for a couple of days in my lower right back. But, as long as I'm careful the next few days I'll be okay.
   
   Even though I would like to be flying everyone tells me I'm too bold to be an ongoing pilot. I'm afraid they might be right. Being bold runs in my family and always has on my father's side. Sometimes it works out great as long as you live through it. A friend of my daughter's in Portland told me about how her father died being too bold in Colorado and said to me, "Fred. Your just too bold to be a pilot. Please listen to your wife so your kids still have their Dad." This is very hard for me because I know they are all right. But, being a pilot is something I love to do just like I loved Rock Climbing and flying hang gliders when I was younger. But they are also right. If I want to stay alive longer for my family and likely for God I need to do things not quite so risky, unless it's just time to check out for some good reason. I always give myself that option like many men.
   
   I have noticed that if you go into a senile dementia and Alzheimers facility like the one my mother died in that there are about 10 women or more for every man. The reason for this is men usually choose to die before going through all that more than women. Women just seem to hang on forever. Men just don't put up with all that for the most part and they are soon gone. If a man can't be free he finds a way to die!
   
   But then there's God and his miracles and living by Grace in God's world. So, as long as there is quality to my life I likely will stay alive for God and for my children and for anyone God wants me to help. By God's Grace.