When Life Becomes Ridiculous

I often tell people who want to know what retirement is like that, "The best thing that ever happened to me and simultaneously the worst thing that ever happened to me is that I'm retired."

Before you retire, "If you ever can retire" from the time you finish High School (or before) life is a complete struggle, more for some than for others because of brains, beauty, opportunities, good grades, football and other sports scholarships, scholarships in general etc. Life is a complete struggle and many of us for a variety of reasons never make it to age 30 because of it. By the way, it has always been this way throughout history.

But then, if you retire you should treat it with grattitude (that you can retire), but also know that it is as bad as it is good.

The good of being retired is that you have the time (and sometimes the money) to help many people. And this I find is very rewarding. However, then you have your feelings about everything and this is what is hard to overcome.

Let me give you an example that people of every age can relate to. A few years ago I got a bursa on my right heel. Whenever I walked it literally felt like my foot was on fire. I'm not one to use pain killers because I don't want to lessen my muscular or mental acuity. So, to stay coordinated for walking, bicycling and motorcycling and traveling around the world as a tourist I refused to take pain killers for this fiery pain. However, this caused another problem which was I couldn't walk like I used to so my solution was to buy a motorcycle, a Dualsport. In 2009 when this happened I already had been retired since I was 50 because of a near fatal illness. So, I bought a motorcycle so I could believe to myself that I wasn't a cripple because I am a person who has always identified myself physically. I'm 6 foot 5 and I always project strength in this way. In fact, I learned as a young many to be especially polite so I wouldn't scare people. Because how many of you want to meet a really intense physical 6 foot 5 young person? So, I only acted as intense as I really was when I had no other choice in public.

So, buying a motorcycle was something I was doing so I would believe I'm still a man and not a cripple because if I thought I was a cripple that could be the end of me because I have always been a very physical person.

So, in looking at this now in a way this all seems sort of ridiculous but if you were a man of my era that surfed in the ocean, that rode motorcycles and bicycles all over, that rock climbed in Yosemite till your hands bled from jam cracking the cracks in the rock faces and then slept under your friends VW Bug because it was snowing while people next door watched the rose bowl on TV in their motorhome all cozy then you might understand all this. Otherwise you might not understand being macho in this way as a way of life as a young man while going to college and just doing this kind of stuff on Christmas breaks and Easter Breaks, Weekends and summers.

So, what is it all about Alfie? Is it just for the moment we live?

And then you are 50 in my case or 65 or 70 in someone else's case and you are retired and then what do you do? Well. In the case of my father he only lived 5 years into his retirement and died at 69 from Prostate Cancer. He could have lived until he was 100 but wouldn't have his prostate removed and tried alternative health care and died at 69.

So, this is what I mean, "What do you do when life becomes ridiculous?"

You find either a new hobby or a girlfriend if you are a man and alone. But, I'm married and my step father who is now 95 just lost his 80 year old girlfriend who was driving her car, then hit by another car from behind and slowly lost the use of her brain over three months until she died yesterday. I can't imagine being 95 and having all my marbles and losing someone I loved as much as he loved his girlfriend and just how awful that would be.

For me, maybe the title is wrong for this piece. Maybe a better title would be: "When life becomes a Complete paradox!"

But then again, isn't all life like that?