Let me tell you about 1956 when I fell 8 feet onto my head off a large rock. At that point I likely had a concussion. But, because we were miles down a cliff from our truck and there were NO helicopters that could come rescue us and there were no cell phones to call anyone to rescue me and I was throwing up from a concussion, my father just said to me, "Get up. Let's get going." This was the old cowboy way because no one was going to come to rescue me and if I couldn't get up then likely it could be over for me. I know my Dad was scared for me but knew I was likely too big to carry up a cliff so I had to climb out of there myself while I was crying with a headache from hitting my head and while periodically throwing up from my concussion. I just wanted to illustrate exactly how things used to be when I grew up. Also, I was never taken to a hospital or doctor because that was just how people were then more. This also likely was how I got blunt trauma childhood epilepsy by age 10 until I was 15 and my skull grew enough to relieve the pressure on my brain.
John Oliver Proved that 911 Is Dangerously in Shambles
But at least Domino's Pizza can find us.
In an emergency situation, one would at least hope that a call to 9-1-1 would be a streamlined process. I need help at this location right now. Unfortunately,
that's not always the case, as most emergency calls are run by outdated
technology. And that's "fine if you're describing a Radio Shack," John
Oliver said on Sunday night, "but a little scary if you're calling a
place that handles emergency situations."
We
can order a pizza, request an Uber, share our location on Facebook, but
we can't get emergency responders to find us? The FCC's current goal is
to be able to locate 80 percent of callers by 2021, which sounds good,
but it also means it won't be able to find one out of every five
callers.
"We
have an antiquated, disjointed system, populated by workers who are
understandably sick of listening to calls from people's butts," Oliver
said. "Until we're explicitly confronted with the challenges facing
9-1-1 it seems we're not going to do anything about them."
Earlier in the show, Oliver addressed Donald Trump's old, probably imaginary publicist, John Miller.
This John Miller seems like a real solid employee. As spokesmen for
Donald Trump in the '90s, he became intimately familiar with his
boss' personal sexual exploits. He even began imitating his voice while
on the phone with reporters. He captured his diction, vocal inflections,
and candor. One might even say that John Miller was Donald Trump.
"That
is so perfectly Donald Trump: Even his imaginary alter ego reflexively
brags about himself," John Oliver said. But even though Trump has
admitted to posing as his own publicist in the past, he denied it was
his voice in the video on the Today Show last week. Luckily, Oliver has a plan to find Miller.
"Look,
there is only one way to settle this: Tonight, I'd like to extend an
invitation to 'John Miller, publicist' to appear on this program. Now,
to be clear, this is not an invitation to Donald Trump—who has never and
will never be invited here for an interview—but if John Miller wants to
sit down with us, we would love to have him."
Oliver
will even kindly provide Miller with a few of his favorite things:
Overcooked steaks, trashy porno mags, and a hand mirror.
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