Monday, June 24, 2019

When I was young I couldn't read Herman Hesse's "Steppenwolf"

Herman Hesse was a patient of Carl Jung's who wrote "Siddhartha", "Narcissus and Goldmund", "Steppenwolf" and "Magister Ludi and the Glass Bead Game". He dealt with a lot of the Primal things young men deal with learning to deal with their testosterone in life.

When I was in college these books were important ones to read alongside of anything written by J.R.R. Tolkien like "The Lord of the Rings" Trilogy.

But, when I tried to read "Steppenwolf" it scared me because I couldn't really deal with "The Wolf" inside of me. I came from Early Settlers here in the U.S. starting about 1725 from Switzerland through England so my ancestors survived almost anything you can imagine and more. But, as a young man the primalness one needs to survive literally "ANYTHING" scared me in myself and I didn't know how to "Put a good face on that intensity".

I was 6 foot 5 inches tall and handsome and I usually put forth a calm demeanor which made and makes girls especially very comfortable with me. But, inside I was very intense like my ancestors. But, it's kind of like being around a Belgian Horse Stallion that are bred to be gentle giants. You cannot show your full intensity that you actually might feel to most people unless you are around other guys your age that might understand this kind of stuff that you can talk to.

So, I found being from age 15 to 25 really difficult because I felt all this really intense stuff and didn't really know what to do with it. So, I usually channeled this into dating beautiful women until my live in girlfriend got pregnant when I was 25 and we got married and had a son when I was 26.

But, from ages 15 to 25 I found this "Inner Wolf" something really hard to deal with all the wildness inside when you are a young man. So, it's easy for me to understand a lot of the crazy problems young men get into all over the world, especially between the ages of 15 and 25 years of age.

This is also why I tend to see human beings (especially some men) as animals because they are still in many cases animals more than anything domesticated.

I was always a gentleman because I was trained to be one from a very young age so mothers always trusted me with their daughters because I always knew how to behave because my parents were ministers and good people when I was being raised. However, I had to deal with a lot of boys and men who actually were animals and this could be very hard to deal with especially in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s.

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