Because of whooping cough and Blunt trauma epilepsy I sort of got used to the idea of dying young, especially because having whooping cough and having seizures from a blow to the head rock climbing were both sort of like being murdered over and over again. This was my experience to the point where death became much more real than life did during this time.
Don't get me wrong there were also advantages to this where you are not afraid of death because you have faced death so many times. So, this also extended to my relationships with girlfriends in my life. Though I tended to be shy once I had been around any young woman for around 5 to 10 minutes and completely instinctually and intuitively figured her out (at least regarding what was important to me at the time) I was completely comfortable with all young women as long as they weren't insane and about to put a knife in me. And if that was true I knew it from the first 5 to 10 minutes with them usually too. If you are as instinctual and as intuitive as I have always had to be to stay alive in this world you would know anyone within 5 to 10 minutes. Sometimes you don't even have to look at them and only see them out of the corner of your eye at a distance to know what they are up to.
But, the problem with not expecting to live very long was that after I left my church I tended only to date pretty dangerous women that might cost me my life anyway because I was sort of self destructive to some degree from 21 to 25 when I got married and had a son.
But, the really strange thing about not expecting to live anymore is that you are also not afraid of dying because at least mentally you are already dead from all the near death experiences you have already had. So, I wasn't afraid of any women (unless they actually were dangerous) after about 5 to 10 minutes time of talking to them about anything.
So, because of this after I was 16 it was pretty easy to make new friends especially girlfriends because they usually walked right up to me and wanted to know me and I was always a very good listener and problem solver. And once I had helped them solve their problems (at least theoretically) they wanted to keep me in their lives ongoing for awhile at least which was usually okay with me if I liked them. But, this was mostly true from ages 21 to 25 when I finally met and married my first wife.
Before that I mostly went out with Church girls which are an entirely different kind of girl that might not be as much fun as the other ones but are the kind most people might marry and stay married to for life. Dangerous women I found were dangerous to be around. By the time I was in my 40s sometime I realized I couldn't survive anymore dangerous women. So, my present wife is a very well educated and a safe person to be around. We have been married 25 years or more now. After all my PTSD from physical illness caused desire to be around dangerous women I finally outgrew that phase of my life so I'm still alive here at 72.
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