It was a combination of things. It started when I realized how much of Christianity in the U.S. was a racist power trip used to keep blacks and other minorities down. I realized that people had been brainwashed for hundreds of years in this to keep White people the aristocracy of the U.S. like it had been also in Europe before this. It made me start to step back from racist Christianity as practiced here in the U.S. since the Pilgrims first came here in 1620.
Not all Christianity is Racist by the way. There are many upstanding non-racist individuals who are not racist. However, the common dogma people are brainwashed into (including myself) is very racist and White Supremicist by its very nature. So, I found all this very problematic to deal with on any level.
So, I was looking for a NON-White elitist philosophy that could work for me.
I found the Compassion of Buddhism very attractive and I also was attracted by the phenomena associated with Tibetan Buddhism. When I watched one of my Tibetan Buddhist teachers manifest the power of 10,000 people praying I realized I was in the right place.
The only problem with this sort of thing is if your motivation is not pure enough when you generate that level of power you will die within a couple of weeks time.
But, generating infinite prayer power I found was possible through Vajrayana Buddhist prayer practices. You just had to be very careful of what your motivations were so you didn't die suddenly in doing this.
So, to practice Vajrayana Buddhism and to stay alive one has to have developed compassion for all life in the past, present and future of the entire universe or else you will die soon. So, the first step is actually working on developing compassion so you don't die and are able to help all life in the universe to begin with.
By God's Grace
NOTE: This is why Tibetan Lamas won't take on students until they have developed compassion at a real and deep level for all life in the universe in the past, present and future because to do so would be fatal for the student in the short run. (as in within a couple of weeks they would be dead).
Compassion for yourself and others is necessary to generate compassion at a Vajrayana level and to continue to be alive in a body on earth.
Vajra means "Lightning" or "Diamond" and relates to Vajrasattva who is the highest Buddha in the physical universe and whose consort is Nyema. I often think of them as the God and Goddess of the physical universe. This works for me personally.
Vajrasattva means "Diamond Vow" which is a vow Vajrasattva made to wait to go into the formless realms until all beings in the physical universe became enlightened and Free.
By God's Grace
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