Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Happier than you ever thought you could be

When you are young (15 to 25) you are often driven by hormones and so you are either in heaven or hell (metaphorically speaking) but this heaven or hell you are in has a purpose biologically speaking.

Your experience is your body's biological predisposition for you to mate and have children. So, this can make life very difficult for most people and is also why many people don't survive to be 25 or 30 because they cannot find a way forward where they want to survive.

However, most of the time this all passes and turns into something else. Either you mate and have children or you don't and then you live with the consequences of either one. So, by 30 to 40 most people are either raising kids or they have decided not to.

They find that "Being In Love" is nice but not often practical. So, they look for friends that they are sexually compatible with to hang around with and to live with. The problem with being in love is that you still have to find a way to financially support yourselves, you still have to decide where you both will live, you still have to see whether you can actually stand to live around each other day after day and survive that in all ways.

So, happiness might actually be about something you might not fully understand when you are 15 or even 25. So, the sadness is if you die before you find what happiness is for you.

For me, I just barely survived to 25. But then, my girlfriend got pregnant with my son. This changed everything for me. I was surprised how respected and cared for I became at this point. So, I thrived both economically and emotionally as a new father and husband. I had always wanted to have children, so being a father for me was in some ways the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Then we divorced a few years later and I was given custody of my son. Though it was hard at first I was happy to still be able to raise my son. Then I remarried and the first 7 years we were together we the happiest thus far in my life home schooling my son and her two kids from her first marriage. We were the same age 32 when we got together in 1980. But then the first 7 years being the best in my life and the next 7 years being the worst I couldn't fathom. Things went to hell for me when my father died and I found I sort of blamed his death on my wife but that wasn't right. It was sort of a crazy reaction to losing my Dad.

Then we divorced and that was hell because there were 4 kids involved from ages 21 to 3. But luckily for me, I met someone while I was divorcing and even though a few years later I got a heart virus and almost died for about 8 months, I stayed alive to make sure my newest daughter then 2 1/2 years old  and my 10 year old daughter had a Dad to grow up with. My son and two step kids were already grown and working or in college or both at this point.

But, what was amazing that I never likely could have believed is the last years since 1999 when I was forced to retire because of my heart virus have been the happiest most peaceful time of my life where trips to Hawaii and Europe and even South Korea have made my life really interesting. And I never would have believed that someone I didn't meet until I was 46 would make me the happiest I had ever been.

I guess what I'm saying to you is that there is always hope for us humans. There is always hope. And if we never give up the happiness we are searching for may find us one day and stay and live with us in our private heaven here on earth. By God's Grace.

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