The Family Bed

I was listening to PBS radio as I drove my daughter home from school. I believe the city was Milwaukee, Wisconsin but I also could be wrong. They were trying to convince people not to share their bed with their children, especially infants. However, since the dawn of time humans have tended to keep their kids with them so that they survived. Even as recently as 100 years ago people kept their kids often in the same bed with them in case of fire or other calamity. It is only in the last 100 years or so that groups of people have tried to separate parents from their children and the main result is sudden infant death syndrome when the baby wakes up and no one is there and because to a baby time is different and Only when someone is there are they real and alive. So when babies wake up alone without anyone there they can freak out because they are alone and die from the terror of being alone and helpless.

So, as a result of this often having your baby near you and your body helps them know they are not alone and often prevents their unnecessary deaths in this way.

However, if the parents are heavy drinkers or drug users having the baby or child under 5 in the same bed might be injurious or fatal to the child. So, this is another element. So, having a baby or young child in the same bed is only useful if the parents are both intelligent and responsible. But another way to look at this is natural selection, because if the parents are not both intelligent and responsible it is possible that the baby or young child isn't going to survive anyway.

So, if you are drinking or using drugs if you share your bed during that period while you are out of your normal healthy mind you may accidentally kill your baby or young child or maim them so this is something to think about for all responsible parents and caregivers of young children and infants.

However, if you are a responsible, intelligent and caring adult sharing the family bed can be a good thing for all concerned. However, I would like to share some of my own experiences with sharing the family bed with my children and what you may need to know as a precaution:

The first experience can be funny but was also pretty scary for me at the time. My youngest daughter was about 2 years old when this happened. My wife nursed my daughter until she was 4 or 5 years old, so the easiest way for my wife to do this was to nurse our daughter to sleep in bed. Then after that, often my daughter would be between my wife and I so my daughter didn't fall out of the bed onto her head and break her neck during the night. One time it was a particularly cold night and my 2 year old had gotten cold because of 3 people tossing and turning all night so she had nuzzled up to my back as i was on the left side of the bed with my back to her. During the night I rolled onto my back and woke up suddenly horrified that my daughter was under my back. But when I jumped out of bed to check her condition she was blissfully warm and happy even though I was terrified I had smothered her accidentally in my sleep. So, it is very important if you are going to sleep in the same bed with your wife and child or children that you condition yourself to be aware that they are there even when you are asleep because accidents can happen. And it is very important that you don't go to sleep with them there if you have drunk any alcohol or taken and legal or illegal drugs before bedtime. Otherwise your child or children might not be alive in the morning when you wake up.

Another thing to consider as a parent is that often babies and children will have nightmares or night terrors (depending upon their ages and psychological states and physical health) so one must protect themselves from a heel to the nose (this is the worst as it could be fatal to the parent). So, the way I protected myself is to always sleep on my side with my back to the child. In this way you are less likely to be injured by your child as you sleep. The absolute worst position to be in is on your back. This leaves your face, and all vital organs exposed and often you will wake up to a black eye, broken nose, or being hit with a very painful force in your sexual organs and this can happen while all of you are asleep or when a child wakes up and wants you to immediately wake up too.

So, if you are going to share the family bed you must take precautions so both you and your wife and kids survive the night. But if you prepare properly it can be a positive experience for all concerned and be one small element  that helps create a bond of trust and mutual mental and emotional support between your whole family that continues on into adulthood if that is what you want for yourselves and your children.

However, there are many styles of child rearing and they all have their good and bad points. So, choose carefully, because you will have to live with the results the rest of your lives.