Be True to yourself. The only way I survived all this was to realize no one could really help me but me and God and that I had to go "Walkabout" because I was dealing with a kind of trauma both physically and mentally that was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. But, realizing I had to take off on my own to get straight with myself and to heal was the best thing for me to do. It wasn't that this didn't freak out both family and friends, it was the only way I knew to move forwards towards actual healing where I could reintegrate all the pieces of myself. Especially after April 4th and the laproscopic operation I couldn't sleep for 10 or more days more than 1 hour. This really messes with normalcy in your life where your daytime and dream time awareness merges and your brain screams with too many realities converging or trying to converge into one. So, in some ways I wasn't surprised when I blacked out trying to drive my motorhome north and had to phone my 1st wife and an old friend to come rescue me around Corning, California.
Within a few days I learned to drive slower than 55 miles per hour so I could literally stop my motorhome within a few seconds if I had any indication of coming loss of consciousness. I always knew ahead of time so this worked when I drove from Mt. Shasta to Ashland to stay at the Bard's Inn there for several days. I found my first peace by parking my motor home next to the Klamath river and just sitting there with my motorhome awning protecting me from the sun in a folding chair and just soaking in the beautiful Klamath river for 3 or 4 hours just being quiet by myself. Then when I arrived at the Bard's Inn in Ashland I was calmer by far than I had been and started to sleep in longer bursts of more than one hour a night. I started to sleep 2 to 4 hours at a time which really healed me a lot from then on.
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