Listening

 I had always wondered why my youngest daughter and I had always argued a lot since she was about 12 years old. she is now 25 years old. I finally realized today it is how I and she were taught in school I guess. She went to the best private school in this county of California which definitely had different rules for listening than I was taught by my parents in the 1950s. For example, I was taught to always respond to what people were saying to me. 

It's not that this is the best way to communicate but it was out of respect I was taught to do this. So, when you are trying to figure out what to say back to someone it could be said that you really are not listening to that person fully.

I realized this today and told my daughter that I would have to say something like: "I have to think about what you are saying because I have nothing to say right now. (which in the 1950s might mean you were an idiot without anything to say ever.)

But, to my daughter's private school way of thinking that she was trained to think in it is the only respectable way to communicate. So, I guess my more blue collar style of communication hasn't been working for her because I guess it meant to her that I didn't care what she was saying.

However, I was trained always to respond to what anyone was saying and that if didn't respond that this was a sign of ignorance or lack of control.

So, I'm realizing that maybe my 25 year old daughter needs me to just "HEAR HER" than to try to respond. 

So, I can change my communications style for her because it might be helpful in her life if I did this.

Having people around that just "Hear you" is more important to some people than others I guess.

By God's Grace