Paradoxes in Life

I can't speak for everyone else but listen to a statement of realization about my life, "The best things in life almost kill you."

Let me start with my parents. From my point of view because of their religion my parents wanted me to be Jesus and they would settle for nothing less. If I was anything less I had to just die(and I almost did with whooping cough)as a result by age 2 to 2 1/2. After I survived whooping cough I realized whoever I was (I wasn't sure who I was then) that it didn't matter who I was I had to be what my parents needed me to be(otherwise I just wasn't going to survive at all). So I became an actor. Does this sound familiar like your childhood too. In other words I couldn't be myself because that just wouldn't be good enough no matter who I was. However, the 1950s was cookie cutter time for parents. Unless you fit into a neat little box and were perfectly behaved whenever they demanded you just might not survive the year. So, basically if you aren't psychologically surviving your parents you might not physically survive either. This was my thought at age 2 through 12 to 14 years of age.

This didn't mean I wasn't sometimes myself around my friends. It just meant that I knew when to be myself and when to act the part of whoever or whatever I was supposed to be to relatives, teachers and parents friends and people I had to deal with on the street.  So, as a child it wasn't who am I but rather, "Who do I need to be to survive this f------ situation?" I could act respectful to my parents and relatives. I could be scary if someone was going to try to beat me up(because I was very big for my age) unless they were a foot taller than me and more than 3 years older then I had to run(unless they had a knife at my throat and were telling me that they were going to cut my head off) (This happened twice to me between the ages of 9 to 12 years of age by two different crazy older boys. But since I was intelligent enough I survived. Others would not have.

If you ever have someone that is crazy enough to actually kill you (and you usually know this about them at the time) and they say they are going to kill you and cut your head off you either grow up right then or you are dead. Period.

These last two experiences saved my life the rest of my life. I cannot fully explain this to you. But as far as being terrified out of your mind it never got any worse than this my whole life. So, first of all, I was grown up after that. And second I knew if I had to I could kill someone to survive if I ever had to. Both things were true. Luckily, thank God I never had to kill anyone. By God's grace I don't have that stain upon my mind or soul.

Strangely enough, this made me scared enough to be a good driver of a car or truck. So I started driving fairly regularly when I was 12 because I was already 5 foot 10 inches tall by that age. By 15 I was 6 foot 3 inches and by 21 I was 6 foot 4 1/2 inches tall, my present height.

My Dad taught me to drive starting about age 4 by having me steer the car while he drove up the interstate to Mt. Shasta. By age 6 he had me drive on an abandoned road with him sitting next to me while I drove the car by myself at around 10 to 25 miles per hour. He had me drive a speed boat around Lake Tahoe with all the family on board by age 8. I flew a Piper Tri-pacer (after it had taken off also at age 8 in Santa Fe, New Mexico). Also at age 8 he put me on a horse with a saddle and slapped the horse and I was expected to ride it by myself from then on without lessons so I did. This was a completely different world than now. I was expected to emotionally and decision wise be a man by age 6. It is still that way in most of the world. At age 5 Dad bought me a 24 inch Schwinn Bike and got a wood block for me to stand on and said, "Go and ride" (without training wheels.) He also gave me a Jacknife that was sharp at age 5 and I have a scar across my right thumbprint to prove it when I tested it to see just how sharp it actually was.

At age 4 I was taken to the dentist and the dentist said, "All your upper front teeth need to come out. You have had too much candy. So the dentist just got some pliers and started pulling out all my front teeth on the top. I just sat there and took it. I don't even remember being given novacaine or anything. I had learned to be stoic and a man like my Dad. I could survive anything at 4 like my Dad.

I guess what I'm saying is that it was all the things then and now that almost killed me that gave me all the best things in my life. There is a saying, "Nothing ventured nothing gained". Without risk we all cease to exist. Ultimate safety is ultimate death. Sad but true.

So, as someone from a much more dangerous time in some ways where risk was faced unflinchingly every day by 4 year old boys and younger on up I look at required seatbelts and all the things that make people ridiculous by the standards I grew up with and wonder where it will all end?

Maybe we will all just one day live in a computer as a program having forgotten what it was to be human and flesh and blood ever. That is my thought.

When I began this article I actually wanted to address the Paradox of God. We all wonder at different points on our life whether God exists and then if He or she or it exists then what does that mean? My first thought is that even if God didn't exist we would have to invent him or something like him or her or it simply because the world and the universe is so potentially unknown and scary. Many people couldn't make it through the night in the dark where they live on earth with guns going off and people screaming and killing each other next door every day without some concept of God. Men couldn't go into battle without crying like little children to their deaths without God. There is a saying, "There are no atheists in foxholes." I agree with this. Without something to look forward to after death how can anyone face death every day like we all do. How many times have you woken up in the night to choking or reflux? I have done this many times and I can tell you the burning of reflux in your lungs, nose and throat and wondering whether you can force the burning out of your lungs and throat before you die will definitely put the "Fear of God" into a person. I'm not a person who feels at all afraid when they drive a car but many of you out there feel very afraid when you drive a car. How would you feel if you couldn't pray before you drive in case you die or are maimed in a traffic accident?

That's the point I'm trying to make. Maybe whether God actually exists or not is irrelevant. Maybe what is actually important to say is that without the Paradox of God and people's capacity to believe in God whether God actually exists or not allows life on earth to continue and prevents most people from just committing suicide at any age. This, is something very important for us all to think about. Life is a complete paradox and always was. and so is God or even the concept of God. So stay alive if you can find a way because you don't want to trigger other suicides of family and friends by your death. You couldn't live with that. ha ha. Another paradox!