I began to see this especially from age 21 to 25 when I mostly didn't want to be alive anymore.
So, I started to notice as I studied in College that there were a lot of things I needed to learn about because neither of my parents had been to college (even though my father was valedictorian of his Senior High School Class his father didn't let he and his two brothers go to college which my father complained about the rest of his life. However, he let their two sisters both go to college to meet a college guy to marry them and one of the sisters did that.
So, realizing I couldn't fit into the world as it was I realized I wanted out of here because it was all way to insane for me.
But, in the process of Going to college especially in San Diego County I began to realize what was wrong with my life.
What I realized is that I needed to re-parent myself and to become my own father and recreate myself in the life I actually wanted to live.
Once I did this and studied Psychology, PHilosophy, and Cultural Anthropology I began to see a way forward for me to stay alive because I actually wanted to be alive which was something new for me at the time.
So, rather than trying to fit into the world on the world's terms I started to create my own future and my own world and move towards being a "Captain of my own ship and a Master of my own Destiny" which was the ONLY way I was going to survive my 20s anyway.
So, rather than be a slave to society I created the world I wanted to live in myself instead and by so doing I was able to create a life that was worth living for my family and I. So, by Age 30 I started to really be happy after working on this throughout my 20s.
And pretty much (no life is perfect) I have been able to mostly be happy in my life since I was about 30 to 32 years of age.
However, the very happiest time of my life likely has been since I was 50 years old the last 28 years of my life.
By God's Grace
