Finding Ways to Survive?

 I can remember being in my 40s and realizing I needed to do something different to survive my life.

I had had what the hospital called a "Panic Attack" where I couldn't walk at all and had to crawl into the bathroom and into the bathtub to die. Then my ex wife now wouldn't call an ambulance for me and so the only one comforting me was my 4 year old daughter. I have never forgotten that. I realized that moment that my wife wasn't going to be my wife pretty soon if I recovered from almost dying.

Then I went to try to find a heart specialist to see me. NO luck! Without full health insurance no specialist would even look at me. I wondered whether I was going to die from a heart problem at this point.

However, it also must be said that I had an undiagnosed hypothyroid condition and this was 1994 and I wasn't diagnosed with a hypothyroid condition until 12 years later in 2006 by my physical Trainer at that time who also was a physician's assistant trained in Germany and who also was hypothyroid (which means your thyroid glands are not producing enough thyroid for you to be okay.

However, that time in the bathtub realizing that I was likely dying did end my marriage that year because I knew I couldn't survive another thing like this and I knew that something wasn't right with my heart and I couldn't get medical help of the sort that was going to save my life without ending my marriage so I could survive.

So, my now ex-wife and I broke up after this at some point and I met someone else and remarried and had another daughter. 

However, what saved my life actually was my next wife insisted I have full health insurance and this is what actually saved my life. When my new wife then and i met she was 39 and I was 46 years old and when I was 48 we had a daughter and by 50 I had an undiagnosed heart virus that nearly killed me. However, I was 58 years old before my hypothyroid condition was diagnosed and I got a new lease on life then by 2006 when I was 58 years old.

However, I still almost died at age 50 for around 9 months time (while my new wife's mother and stepmother both died. So, after my wife's mother died (the last one) the next month for some reason my heart specialist told me that I was going to live then because he wasn't sure I was going to make it before then.

He said, "You are very lucky Fred. Because most people die of the kind of heart virus you had and the only way to diagnose this kind of heart virus is through a post mortem after they are dead. 

So, I almost died at 50 and would have if I wasn't forced to retire and forced to have full medical insurance by my present wife then. So, if I had stayed with my previous wife I sould be dead now likely in my 40s sometime.

So, finding ways to survive isn't easy often but if you don't do what it takes then you are often dead.

It's very clear to me often what you need to do more than anything else is to pray to God so you can survive to do God's work here on earth otherwise you are dead. Period!

So, here I am at 77 and I almost died then in 1998 and 1999.

We all need to find ways to survive our lives or else we don't and then we are gone.

So, I prevented my children from having to go on all these years without me there.

This alone was a very big Deal!

Thank you God!

By God's Grace