I can speak to this because of my own experiences in my early 20s.
It's very simple.
You cannot imagine yourself living in a world as awful as this one, especially if the one or ones you love are not there for you.
And so you move towards suicide not seeing a way forward for yourself.
But, in my case I realized I couldn't do this to my parents or my relatives or my friends. I saw how a suicide often creates cascades of other suicides through out families and friends. So, since I am capable of extreme self discipline like a soldier, I stayed alive by biting my lip until it bled and doing what I thought might keep me alive. Girls that fell in love with me because I was tall and handsome I had relationships with. And while I was dating them I could not kill myself because I realized out of honor I had to stay alive for them out of loyalty to them.
So, I stayed alive for others not myself from age 21 to age 25. But, by age 26 my son was born and I had to give up all selfish thoughts of suicide to raise him and by age 30 to 32 I was very very happy and glad I had stayed alive. I was amazingly happy from age 32 to 37 and then from 50 until now that I'm 71 after I was forced to retire at age 50 from a heart virus for 8 months when I nearly died in 1998 and 1999.
Here's what I have to say to you if you are suicidal in your teens or 20s.
If you try to stay alive and do what's in your heart of hearts (not what people including your parents say) often you can find a happy path to stay alive. If college makes you suicidal what good is it? In this country at least, you can return to college at any age, especially once you find what you really want to do. So, if college or a job makes you suicidal to do, maybe you might try something else like, Camping maybe for a while to get your head straight! If what you are doing is killing you what good is it? Just remember there are community colleges in almost every state of the U.S. and you can transfer up to literally any 4 year college with a C average from transferring up from a community college after 2 years.
So, find a way to stay happy enough to stay alive through your teens and early 20s especially. Otherwise you won't.
By God's Grace
To the best of my ability I write about my experience of the Universe Past, Present and Future
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