However, I realized by the time I started dating that I needed someone to take care of because I didn't really care about taking care of myself.
However, this is about being raised to die as a soldier in a nuclear war. Instead of thinking about your own survival you are supposed to prepare to die defending your way of life instead.
So, psychologically this 50s and early 60s way of thinking messes with your head because you have to prepare for death by age 20 to 25 or as early as 17 or 18 as a soldier. So, this really messes with your head as you prepare for your young death. And many boys my age died in Viet Nam. My exact age more than any other age and 50,000 died over there and many still walk the streets as "The Walking Dead" ever since not only from the Viet Nam War now but from every war and every military action ever since.
So, I have found being kind to others is easier than being kind to myself. I was saved by my first wife getting pregnant and me having to take care of her and my son. This made complete sense to me but not taking care of myself. Staying alive just for myself made no sense to me at all ever as an adult.
So, I am saved always in being a married man so except for 1978 to 1980 I have been married ever since 1974 even though I have been married 3 times but the last marriage began in 1995 and we have been living together since around December of 1994. So, being married and having children (and now grandchildren) has given me what I need to stay alive by taking care of others I have to take care of myself first so I can take care of others.
So, this has worked out really well for me since I turned 26 and had a son.
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