God is a Paradox

Whether you call this Paradox God or Life or Nature or Buddha or Zen or whatever you want to call it or him or her, God is a Paradox. I think the word Zen has come to mean for many people the least obtrusive word. People who believe in God and those who don't seem to accept the word Zen to mean the Paradox of life that often makes you laugh. Even Jon Stewart has his Zen moment at the end of his show.

I recently had this Zen moment with God in my own life. I was watching a movie called, "The Impossible" with Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts on Amazon Instant Prime on our living room TV and went into the bathroom and had this Zen moment that basically took the top of my head right off and God showed me literally "Everything he was trying to do through me in my whole life." I think if I had been younger it would have just been "Too Much" and I would have fainted. But, at that moment I could just let it wash right through me because I was in the right moment to receive it. And all I could do was think, "Oh God! You are so Magnificent!" That was all I could do.

I had often wondered why God had made me suffer so much in my life and yet paradoxically also been so easy on me? In this oceanic moment with God it was all explained to me.

It was that he needed me to be empowered (yet humble), Gifted (in a God Controlled way), Frightening (in a kind parental Way that protects one's children), Loving (yet faithful to him and to my wife and family), Bold (and yet in a way that didn't cause my own death), Intelligent (without being overbearing or lording it over others). Yes. Experiencing this when I was younger in the way it was presented to me would have made me faint.

So, I could look back at my life and understand why I had to almost die of whooping cough at age 2 so I could be humble and not so aggressive and fearless. After having whooping cough for awhile I would just look at the Pacific Ocean and cry because I had almost died.(and likely because I missed my relatives in Japan where I had last died in 1945 when I was 12 in Nagasaki.

Then I could see why I had had Childhood Epilepsy in order to make me more subservient to God without losing my spiritual gifts or dying. (God wanted me to be powerful but under his direct control so the power wouldn't be misused. He wasn't going to allow me to live without this.)

I could see why I had to leave my childhood religion at age 21. (I could not be limited by any religion because God wanted me to be a researcher in all directions for mankind.) He had made me someone who could bring together diverse points of view in an almost infinite series of reconciliations. As I grew up and older I began to realize just how rare this quality is in most people.

So, even getting giardia in India and Nepal was a part of his plan for me. When I got giardia little did I know that this was the beginning of the end of my 2nd marriage. That would have been unthinkable for me at the time because by 1989 I was still raising 4 children (two of my own biologically). I couldn't have dealt with knowing then that I would divorce in 1994, remarry in 1995 and have another daughter who is now 17. This would have been beyond anything I could have imagined at age 47. But, this is what happened. I also couldn't have imagined almost dying for 7 months from a heart virus either by age 50. But this is what happened. I couldn't have imagined being forced to retire because of it.But this is what happened. I couldn't have imagined being able to afford to retire at age 50 because I had expected to work until I died. But this is what happened. But, I could imagine (especially when I was with all those people on gurneys in Stanford Medical waiting for heart operations of starting a blog in God's Honor for saving my life once again) And so starting in 1999 I started my first blog at Geocities which eventually evolved into this one you are reading now(starting in 2007) and my archive Blog at dragonofcompassion.com

Yes. God is a Paradox. But I must say here: "Oh God! You are so Magnificent!"