if you don't die of grief you might become old and wise

I remember after my last divorce in 1995 being pretty angry that my ex-wife had disobeyed the court and left the state and taken my daughter to the East Coast somewhere. I didn't know where. Periodically my then 6 year old daughter might call me collect (I had taught her to memorize my number) and say something like: "Mommy is not going to let me see you until I'm 16." IF you are a parent worried about the safety and well being of your child you are going to be upset or really angry if you are a decent parent. I was both.

My anger and grief and worry about the safety of my daughter eventually drove me to a heart virus and I almost died for 8 months.

I finally realized that I had to give up my grief and anger or my children and my then new wife were going to lose me permanently. I decided to give up my anger which was at the core of my grief right then in my life.

It is a choice.

You can let your anger and grief kill you before your time

Or you can let it go so your children have you for 20, 30, 40, 50 or more years still.

Don't let your anger and grief steal you from your children.

They need you to be there for them still.

If you can find a way to let go of your anger and grief and become a bigger person so they don't have to face life alone or with only one parent that might not be doing that well, then maybe you can be something they need ongoing to help them go to college, get married or whatever they want to do with their lives.

Your selfish grief might be killing you right now like my grief was me. Don't let that happen.

If you are wondering what happened to my daughter I had to spend about $75, 000 in legal fees to get her back from the East Coast and legally force her mother to stay in California or she would lose any custody of my daughter at all. I was able to get 9 or 10 weeks with my daughter a year and if I was able to manage it at least 1 weekend a month with my daughter even though my ex-wife chose to live 7 hours or more away from me here by car near the border of Oregon but still in California.

My older biological daughter and I are very close right now. She is as intuitive as I am and smart as a whip and presently getting a degree in Foreign languages at present. I have been able to ski with her every year since she was 7 and this love of skiing and the out of doors has taken us since she was 10 to England and Scotland, Germany, Switzerland, Austria and Northern italy once when she was 10, to France with her new sister and step mother and me to Paris, and Nice France and Monaco in 2009 and to England and Scotland with her boyfriend, my younger daughter, my wife and I in 2011.

And several Trips to Maui, Hawaii with my older daughter, my younger daughter and last year with my older daughter's boyfriend where he learned to surf for the first time. And where we all snorkled with the fish and Sea Turtles together in the ocean there.

So, survive your grief by letting go of it. You have a wonderful future with your children ahead of you. Let go of your grief so you can have an actual future and not be dead before your time.