PTSD from Trauma

There are many kinds of Trauma. There is war trauma and then there is accidental trauma and they are not that different in some ways, except in one case you are not in the military when it happens to you usually.

I experienced a form of PTSD the last 7 years of my last marriage which resulted in a Panic Attack eventually that mimicked a heart attack when I couldn't walk or talk for at least 1/2 hour to an hour. So, I dragged myself to the bath tub sort of to die but I got better over the next hour and finally got my now ex-wife to drive me to the hospital. They diagnosed what had happened as a panic attack. Never having had one before I was very surprised. I was 44 at the time.

The next PTSD came from getting a heart virus in 1998 and passing out a lot when my body couldn't oxygenate properly. So, no matter how fast I breathed I still was going to pass out. Luckily, I had studied with Tibetan Lamas and knew a disconnection meditation that allowed me not to panic. Because even if you panic once while passing out from this you will die. And most people then died of heart viruses in the 1990s that I knew of including the cousin of my dermatologist who was less than 30 years old at the time. Very sad.

The main reason I think I survived all this is the Angels came to me when I first thought I was dying. They formed a circle around me and kept saying to me, "You aren't going to die! Your life will get better now!" They kept saying this over and over again to me until the very cells of my body believed them.

Angels are very intoxicating to be around. They make you feel like a happy little child. But, the one thing I've learned is you should listen to what they say because they always are right I find. They don't live in a time and space reality so they see the past, present and future all at once. Or better said they know what is likely to happen given different choices people make. So, they were telling me to prepare to survive all this and to prepare for my life to get much better. 8 months later this was true. I had been forced into retirement at 50 or I was going to die. So, in this sense my life was better because it stopped being such a struggle because I didn't have to struggle to survive so much.

So, I realized God had wanted me to retire so I started a blogging site (they didn't call them that then in 1999) when I recovered to share what God had done in my life all along in gratitude for letting me live and raise my then 2 1/2 year old daughter and then 10 year old daughter. So, I stayed alive for them and my older children who were then 20 to 25 years old. Then in Fall 2007 I started this site you are reading this from now.

By God's Grace