I see myself as a Mystical Christian Tibetan Buddhist: However, I'm not really a church going person anymore because of bad experiences in my youth

I was raised a mystical Christian who believed (maybe California style) in Jesus but also vegetarianism and reincarnation. (people reincarnating as people).

Then I began to realize that the religion I was raised in wasn't going to work for me as an adult. This caused me many problems that I didn't foresee at the time. The biggest problem is that you are culturally your religion and it causes you to culturally behave in certain ways. Without that religion or the people in that religion you sort of "LOSE YOUR CULTURE" and then if you don't reinvent yourself you are going to die psychologically or physically or both one after the other.

So, the Shaming or Shunning (your choice) of how religions often operate (also families can be like this too) is often fatal to people around the world. Because without your culture (your religion) do you really exist at all?

That was an existential question which is valid when people leave the religion or philosophy that they were raised within.

So, I had to reinvent myself as an independent being separate from any church. It didn't mean that my basic beliefs had changed that much, it just meant that I was no longer really associating with members of my religion. Even though others who had left because of philosophical differences or who were tolerant of my choices also maintained contact with me which meant from hundreds or thousands of associates and friends worldwide I went down to maybe 5 to 10 people I was still in contact with which at the time was emotionally unbearable for me.

However, I could not be the person I am now without that level of suffering leaving caused me and often friends of mine who stayed in my childhood religion became hypocritical and sometimes I watched this hypocrisy become fatal to them in various ways sometimes permanently in death.

So, every day I'm grateful now that I made the choices I did which allowed me to keep my integrity and not live a lie just to be around people I grew up with in my childhood church.

I'm still alive and going strong at age 77 and many of my old friends are now dead or crazy from hypocricy in their lives.