Most people fear death. Because of almost dying many times in my life often my experience is the opposite. Often the idea of embracing death is superior to any other. However, because I am an intuitive I also understand that alive or dead it is the same in many ways. So, whatever you don't finish here you are going to have to finish there. So, unlike many others I have stayed alive because I knew this. The closest I ever came to taking my own life was a way only an intuitive might choose when I was 20. I looked forward through time as an intuitive through my 20s and knew my 20s would not be acceptable to me, to my friends or to my parents. This thought was not acceptable to me personally so my thought was sort of like, "Well. This isn't going to work I might have to find a way to die instead.
So, I tried to escape by projecting my soul permanently out of my body. It worked at first until an angel came to me and told me I wouldn't be allowed to project my soul permanently out as that would cause my death. However, the angel told me this: "You have made a commitment to life and you must complete your promise to God. But, we will give you gifts so you survive your 20s. You will see your body as a reference point only and not as a prison like many or most people see their bodies. You will be allowed to travel like angels do doing God's work. God needs your body here on Earth but now you will not be in the prison of your body anymore. You will be everywhere and every when too. This will allow you to bear the transitions of your soul in your body throughout your life.
As I re-entered my body which was on the roof of my father's shop between two skylights so I wouldn't fall off the roof in a sleeping bag in the desert I was incredibly forlorn and disappointed that I couldn't escape my 20s which would have been unbearable. Over time I realized what an incredible gift the angel had given me so I could keep my body alive. And once I made it to my 30s I was very happy for at least 7 years. And this happiness gave me the strength to keep on living through my kids growing up and getting divorced twice and almost dying from a heart virus and being forced to retire at age 50.
So, even though I was really upset that I had to actually live through the mess of my 20s that I already saw coming, I was really happy in my 30s especially from 30 to 37 when I met many Medicine Men and women and Tibetan Lamas and Ani's in the U.S. and Nepal and India.
Once I had physically survived my 20s I realized that ones 20s (at least for me) are mostly about unrealistic expectations. As I saw my friends dying and going crazy from 1968 to 1978 I realized that God had found a way to keep me alive through it all for his purposes. He had even given me a deferment from the Draft so I didn't have to go fight and die in Viet Nam like so many I knew. I also didn't have to get crazy with PTSD and come back walking the streets and talking to myself.
God has blessed my life and for this I am eternally Grateful. God is Death and God is life and there isn't any real way to separate God from either. So I embrace both as God's servant. But I stay alive because if you don't work things out here it isn't any better on the other side until you do.
No comments:
Post a Comment