Loneliness

I grew up during the 1950s so loneliness for me now is more about people I have lost along the way that were touchstones. Best friends, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, most all of them are gone now mostly just people my age and not more than 5 or so years older than me are still here much now. So, for me, loneliness is for those who have passed away who were friends and close relatives. I think it's normal to miss people who were all your touchstones, who knew all the people you were growing up through all the stages from birth on. So, they knew some or all the people you became and transited through as you got older.

I think that's the hardest to deal with because even my wife has only known me since 1994 because I didn't even meet her until the fall of 1994 or even date her until December of that same year. But, my life started around 1950 so who is left who knew me in the 1950s? Now, only my cousin who is about 5 years older than me. I remember when I first met him when we moved down from Seattle to San Diego. He lived in Glendale then and was 9 years old. He was upset that his father and mother broke up so when I met him he shot me in the face with his squirt gun. I felt sort of bad about that. But, now I understand it was difficult not to live with his father anymore and only see him on weekends after age 5. Divorce wasn't very acceptable then like it is more now either.

So, now (since he bought his first sailboat in 1968 when he got out of College) we have sailed in one of the two sailboats he has owned starting with the first one then. So, periodically I will drive from northern California down to sail with him in Long Beach Harbor or out to sea there towards Catalina.

But, some days it is harder than others. My son left last March to another area and got a teaching job. I'll see him for the first time since March in a week or two when he flies in for a visit. But, it has been hard not seeing him in person even though we skype a little almost every day.

So, I've watched his new area and friends change him away somewhat from the Californian he was growing up. But, we all change. I realized why I was so upset that he moved away. It is because he is the last person in my family that has seen me ongoing since he was born in 1974. So, he remembers my father and my mother whereas both my daughters were born after my father passed away in 1985. So, neither of them knew him. My oldest daughter mostly remembers my mother mentally slipping in the motorhome I rented to meet my son when he was traveling across Europe when he was 25 with his friend on a Eurail pass. My mother was telling stories to my 10 year old daughter of her first sexual experiences in life and my daughter came forwards through the motorhome and said, "Dad. Grammie is scaring me can I ride up here in front with you?"

I said sure because I realized something was very wrong with my mother on this last long trip I took with her, my son, his friend and my 10 year old daughter across England, Scotland, then to Munich and renting a motorhome and then through Germany to Austria, Switzerland and finally through the tunnels into Italy at Aoste there near the Matterhorn in the mountains high above us to the East?

So, for me, loneliness isn't so much about all the people who come into my life and are soon out of it again. It is about touchstones like parents, grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and cousins who are gone now to the point where it feels like no one knows who I used to be growing up into adulthood or all the interesting people both I and they always were.

As you get older I guess you have to try pretty hard to stay interested in the now. Otherwise, you soon will be gone too. So, be sure to find enough interests and people to keep going past 65 or so especially if you are a baby boomer like me. Our generation has always changed everything so I think living to 100 and more will be one of the things my generation likely will make more normal for the whole world by living past 100 or more.