We take care of those who take care of us

IT has always been this way. We take care of those who take care of us. My most difficult point of dealing with this was when my mother got senile dementia and I could either sort of go and die slowly with her or prioritize my children and wife. This was one of the first times I had to classify my mother as dead or dying in a form of triage. Because in the end senile dementia and alzheimers is ALWAYS fatal in the end even if they last 10 years or more. So, by classifying your friend or relative as Dead or dying and therefor different than the living is useful to your survival and the survival of the rest of your family always. It is hell but it is necessary unless you never grew up.

Have you ever had a friend that is as loyal as your dog is to you? I think not. Why is this pet so loyal to you? Did you ever think of that?

Basically, you are like a mother to that pet. You feed it and love it and pet it and train it like it is your child. And this animal worships you like you were it's God. This is loyalty to the death by most dogs. They literally would die protecting you are their pack, their family.

Though this was true of all human beings in relation to their family (and still is in third world nations) but is less true in first world nations. Why is this?

I think it is because of rationalizations. When you are educated you can rationalize all sorts of things. But, this kind of rationalization often leads to various kinds of chaos within any society. So, rationalizing too much one one's life is also dehumanizing.

In other societies when people get old they don't put them in rest homes and leave them there alone. They take care of their loved ones and if necessary lock them in a room so they cannot harm anyone else (or walk out into the street in front of a car) when they become senile.

Is this a better solution? I'm still not sure. Because what often happens is the caretaker relative often goes crazy and dies with the older senile loved one. So, in this one sense sending one's senile relative to a rest home rather than taking care of them yourself is better so there aren't two deaths instead of just one or there aren't two crazy people instead of one.

Any way you look at this senile dementia and alzheimers is a horrific time in anyone's life and creates levels of chaos in everyone's lives that are really extreme.

Could I ever deal emotionally with putting my mother in the best facility of it's kind in my county. NO!

Would I do it again this way? Unfortunately my answer is "YES". Though I never will be able to live with this solution and think it was a good one, there was no other way for me to stay sane and alive and care for my family (my wife and kids).

I really pity single people dealing with this whose only life is their Alzheimer's or senile dementia loved one. They are the most likely not to survive mentally or physically this experience. So, being aware of not going down with the ship (so to speak) is what every practical person must do for their families if not for themselves.

IT is much easier (relatively speaking) to lose one's relative by a more conventional illness and death because at least then your relative is rational and isn't being crazy or devious or just completely irrational. Without a whole lot of psychological training like I have had this would have been completely impossible for me to survive and stay sane and rational around this subject even now.