Last Night

I  was awake most of last night but then again many of you were too, worrying about one thing or the other.  However, one of the things I realized was that if I really want to share pictures of the 1980s or any pictures I have taken it might be better if I scan them since my printer not only prints but also copies and scans and even sends faxes if I actually wanted to. So, that is one thing I realized last night. I was trying to sleep in this morning to "catch up on the sleep I lost" because I didn't have important appointments like yesterday and a family friend called and I spoke to her about what was bothering me and she was compassionate which was nice when you are trying to deal with difficult issues that keep you awake nights.

But sometimes writing down what is bothering you your brain puts it all in order and allows you to move forward in your life. Even if you don't talk to someone about something often if you are sort of "talking to yourself" through writing it down, everything starts to make sense more and you begin to feel a way forward for yourself in your life. That is one of the reasons I like to write.

Even though many of us are processing issues from past lives (thousands or millions of them) sometimes writing things down helps. One of the things that often has troubled me in my life is women that I remember being married to in past lifetimes. Some of them in past lifetimes were pretty scary and I don't want to go back there that I meet or have met in this lifetime. But often then there are others that are wonderful that I can remember in this lifetime and then sometimes it can be awful for me. Life is sort of like that. Though that isn't the issue I'm dealing with now when I was younger this was more of an issue for me. Now, mostly it is just trying to stay alive for my family that is my greatest issue I deal with. So, trying to have enough quality in my life to want to stay alive sometimes can be an issue. Don't get me wrong, I have a really amazing life and psychologically I have been happier than at any other time in my life since I have been about 50 years of age and I'm now 64. But I do miss being physically as healthy as I was from zero to about 40 without as many aches and pains as being 64.

I would say I'm just more aware of all aspects of my life than most people and I find this helpful. Most people are all caught up in their problems right here and now and I'm not like that very much.
I have different problems than that. My problem is I actually see my lifetimes and see people I know from this lifetime who have passed on often after they pass on as well as understand my relationships with them in many many lifetimes. This is a completely different problem than most people are dealing with.

But this is also I believe why God provides for me so well is that I am willing to see so deeply into life.

So, as I can see all this my question becomes, "How can I help to end my suffering and the suffering of all beings I know living and dead? and How can I help bring to bliss and enlightenment all beings living and dead?"

This is a two edged sword in that on one level it empowers my life greatly and brings great things out of me (by God's Grace) but on the other hand sometimes it can be very depressing too because it can all seem never ending in a sense.

Sometimes, I envy people who only have this lifetime to worry about and cannot see millions of years into the past and future. But, then I realize if there were not people like myself that can see "Everything" how could mankind or other soul waves of billions of souls on this or other planets ever get anywhere? (By God's Grace)