Thursday, July 30, 2009


I thought I would share what I have learned about bursas. You probably have heard people say something like, "My bursitus is killing me." Well. The cause of bursitus is one or more bursas. Since I have been suffering with one one near my achilles tendon of my right foot I'd like to share how to treat one. The first symptom I had was of constant and growing pain emanating from my right heel. However, it did not go away and it started to cause me to limp. But as the month and then 2 months went along my foot started to get black and blue in different parts as the pain shifted from one spot to another. I think lack of circulation is one of the problems since I am now 61 and had a heart virus 10 years ago which seemed to affect my circulation.

So, ever since then and before I have kept very active and walked at least 1 to 2 to 5 miles a day with my dogs whenever possible. I also have an Exercycle, several bicycles on which to exercise as well so even when my foot is acting up I can keep in shape.

However, eventually I went to a podiatrist and she was concerned about me. Eventually, she said I should buy Crocs, a type of rubbery shoe that is like walking on about 4 to 5 inches of sponges. In other words it cushions and supports the feet in a maximum way. Not going barefoot anymore and making myself wear them at all times indoors when walking at all and going to the east coast where it is warmer than that 60 to 65 degree Fahrenheit summers where I live has been good for me as well. Eventually, I started to go to a physical therapist as surgery isn't really a good option. So now I'm about 5 months into this which is very difficult for me as I am used to being a physically active person who exercises by walking and hiking in the woods with my dogs every day or riding a bike or Exercycle. One of the other things I have done for myself just to make me feel like I still have hope and am alive is to buy myself a motorcycle. This has helped a lot to keep me from thinking of myself as a cripple because of being in constant pain whenever I walk.

The other thing the physical therapist said was that I must not limp because eventually this will cause me to lose my balance. So I have learned to walk normally through the pain. All the heat and warmth on the east coast and human temperatures from 75 to 95 degrees also seemed to help my foot get better as well. Also, my physical therapist used cold lasers to force the bursa which is actually scar tissue to heal. So, I'm starting to heal from this injury.

Bursas are very tricky because of you don't rest them enough they never heal but at age 61 if I don't keep fairly physically active it is the end for me. So it is definitey a catch 22 situation. However, as counterintuitive as it was to go east it has been the defining thing I believe that has started my bursa to seriously begin to heal. I hope this helps you if you are suffering something like this or your loved one or friend is dealing with something like this.

Organic Food Healthier

This article above is both stupid and misleading. It is obviously a study done by growers of sprayed foods who don't want you to buy organic. The questions they seem to be asking are really crazy too. They are asking of food grown organically is healthier than sprayed foods and just testing the quality of the food. Well grown food is grown food is grown food as long as the soil is about the same the food will be the same. The whole point of eating organic food is to not have pesticide or herbicide residue in ones food to build up deposits in one's body or one's children's body over the years and contribute to various kinds of ill health like various kinds of cancers that have been proved to be linked to the slow taking on of pesticide residue and herbicide residue that deposits itself into one's body as they consume pesticide or herbicide laden(usually both) vegetables or processed food that has been sprayed at some point along the way.

The whole point of organic food from my point of view is to prevent unnecessary cancer and permanent damage to the nervous system and permanent genetic damage to whole lines of people and animals. Also, any meat that you consume that has been fed by sprayed foods will also have the pesticides and herbicides concentrated into the cells of the meat you eat too.

So, eating organic has to do primarily with preventing human and animal illnesses and making sure you can successfully reproduce on into the future and so you and your children can continue on into the thousands of years into the future genetically.

It is not about whether one food is more healthy than another. They are all about equal if the soil and water sources are equal and if the seeds are equal. It is about you and your children staying alive and not dying of various health problems that are unnecessary.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


There is a caveat here. If you don't have a strong stomach then don't read this.

When my mother got senile dementia she almost burnt down her home. At that point I and my relatives had no real choice other than to put her in an Alzheimer's and senile dementia facility. Over the 9 years she lived past getting senile dementia which is literally hardening of the arteries of the brain and often preventable with B-12 shots starting in ones 50s or so about once a month.

So as she slowly regressed back down through teenage to child to small child and finally to baby and passing on at some point along the way I woke up at night and found my mother's spirit Cording with me. In other words she somehow created a silver cord like a umbilical cord only in spirit and connected it to the lower part of my heart. At first I was frightened and very disturbed by this and sought help from other intuitives. Many intuitives said I should make intense prayers and cut this cord. However, then I talked to a friend who had studied with native American Medicine men and Tibetan Lamas along with me during the 1980s. He said, "Fred. You're a shaman. Just deal with it. You mother is obviously scared and is reaching out to you for help. Just deal with it." That was what I needed to hear. I realized that I was no longer afraid for my mother since she had connected with me in this way and I didn't feel like I had lost her so much anymore. I decided to be here anchor in the physical so her way would be less hard.

However, last fall as I was taking my wife's father's ashes to Saint Louis for internment with his parents and I was changing flights in Los Angeles, I got a cell phone call and was told that my mother had died. Since my first priority had to be the sanity and stability of my wife and family I told the mortuary to put my mother's body on ice until I returned from Saint Louis with my wife and daughter. So one week later I returned and participated in the cremation of my mother. I opened the plastic and kissed my mother goodbye for she was now a human body popsicle and then shoved her into the furnace and turned the furnace on. Because it was so loud I walked outside with my wife who was there to walk me through this. I thought how my mother would like the idea of turning into smoke blowing out of a 1 foot wide smokestack into the sky from the furnace. A few days later we went by to pick up her ashes. They have remained on my grand piano in my living room ever since.

Because of having to deal with a funeral (3 different ones) I was funeraled out so we didn't wind of having a service for my mother yet. So her ashes have waited patiently for the next step. Meanwhile another friend of mine who is also an intuitive has kept her mother's ashes with her for over 20 years now and she is now 82. Lately, I have realized that my mother wants her ashes in the ocean. The biggest problem is my son who sort of saw her as his own mother and hasn't processed her death like I have and won't give me permission to put her in the ocean yet. It's time for her to be put to rest in the ocean like she wanted. I'm clear about that but don't really want to upset my son either. If it were up to just me I would probably just keep my Mom's ashes on the Grand Piano indefinitely. But it isn't okay with my wife and I sense my mother really needs her ashes to move on into the ocean.

Today I sensed my mother trying to say goodbye to me so I brought her ashes as I headed south to our second home. On the way she said it hurt a lot to be cremated even though it was over 7 days after she died. She said she retreated into her body like people do when they sleep deeply and it was a very rude awakening to be burnt up like that. She just wanted me to know that it hurt for future reference. I don't think that means we should all bury the dead and let the worms get them either. I actually don't know what to do with that information except to relay it because it is her wish. My mother and I were always very close. She was also very close with my son. So moving on is hard for me but I owe it to my mother to put her remains in the ocean like she wished.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

girlfriends 2

I'm going to relate real experiences without using names. When I was 16 I got my California Driver's license the day I turned 16. I got a 100% on the written test and got a good passing grade on the driving test. The next month I invited a girl from church who was 21 and very beautiful to a political rally. However, as we started to drive there we both decided we would rather go to a movie anyway. So we went to a drive-in theater. She was very surprised at her feelings for me because I was only 16. I had never French kissed a girl before that night and hadn't figured out yet what all the fuss was about. This French kissing stuff really changed things and so my new girlfriend of the next year or so(we stayed friends for life) went to drive in movies, to church and parked our car late at night on Mulhulland drive and watched the lights of Los Angeles twinkle and listened to music on the car radio which was what young people did back then.

When I was 17 she and I broke up and I started going out with a girl only one year older than I from church. Though this new girlfriend and I dated for about 2 years this time was chopped up with my going in my senior year away to a church private school and another girlfriend who was aged 16 while I was 17 . This complicated matters with my other girlfriend who was waiting for me in Los Angeles and so I felt guilty at basically dating two girls at once during this time and confused by the whole thing. My Los Angeles girlfriend I actually had dreams of marrying but I was just too young, uncommitted and knew that I wouldn't likely be ready to marry for at least 5 or more years. So I was very sad when she married someone else when I was 21 but knew it was for the best, for her at least.


I find myself now at age 61 enjoying movies like: "The 40 year old virgin", "Superbad", "I love you Beth Cooper", "Knocked up" and other coming of age or relatively young dating movies.

When I look back to the first girl I asked out on a date I was 15 and I did it because JFK was just assassinated then in fall 1963. So my motivation was to go out on a date before I died for one reason or another because I thought, "If the President of the United States can get assassinated so could I." Looking back at this logic it makes me laugh now but then it was deadly serious at age 15. You know just how important things can be when you are only 15 and the whole world seems to revolve around your every emotion, your every thought or dream.

Since I didn't marry because my girlfriend got pregnant until I was 26 I had 10 years of dating which is a long time dating different women, especially from 1963 until 1973 when I married for the first time.

I think I was a much more serious and adult like person than most people my age always from about age 4. It probably was the whooping cough I almost died from and then at age 15 I had had childhood epilepsy form age 10 to age 15. so I had just gotten over it when I turned 15. So because I had almost died from two illnesses in my life I just tended to me much more grown up emotionally than most kids, much like veterans who have been shot at tend to be ready to settle down and get married if their post traumatic stress disorder isn't too bad. I think it's a lot the same. If you have survived really awful things marriage sounds much better than death or maiming. That was kind of where I was too starting in 1963 when I asked Gayle, a blond haired blue eyed girl from Alaska out on a date. We went to the Alex Theatre in Glendale to see "Muscle Beach Party" with Annette Funicello who originally was a Mouseketeer on a Disney program called Mickey Mouse Club on TV. Since I was only 15 I couldn't legally drive so I asked my best friend who was 16 to drive us to the theatre. As I got out of the front seat I accidentally kicked out my friends thermos and broke it in the gutter. So, an embarrassing start to my first date. Then I walked my new date home about a mile or more to where she lived. She liked to Ice Skate so I sometimes took her to Pickwick Ice Skating rink Near Griffith Park after I could drive.

Earlier, when I was about 11 I wore my Sunday blue suit and tie to a nice restaurant in La Canada with my family. A girl from my class was there with her family too and she stared at me during our time in the restaurant. Later, in grade school she got her friend to ask me to go steady. I was embarrassed by this because there was no way I was ready at 11 to be anyone's boyfriend yet.

The summer I turned 15 I was at a church camp in Mt. Shasta, California and two 15 year old girls took an interest in me. One was from Canada and one was from Florida. I was pretty shy then but I was almost 6 feet tall and I had just gotten my front teeth capped that I had broken off in a car accident with my bicycle also at age 9. So I now looked handsome with perfect teeth and 6 feet tall. Both girls said they kissed me that summer. I actually didn't remember this. What I remember was that they both were interested in me and that I felt sort of awkward but flattered at all the attention. It took me about another 4 months to get used to the idea that girls found me attractive and it took me some time to figure what to do about this. So about 5 months after the summer camp I actually asked out Gayle just after JFK died who sat in front of me in English Class at Glendale High School then in 1963 when I was 15 and a sophomore there.

When you are young you are eager to grow up quickly. However, enjoying the moment then is actually a better idea. Growing up too fast can be very counterproductive in ones life. Don't forget to smell the roses. Otherwise life passes you by and you have nothing. In life if you don't have memories in the end you have nothing. So smell those roses. You will remember the fragrances the rest of your lives.

a Life

How does one tell the story of one's life without sounding either lecturing, pontificating, complaining or bragging? I've tried many times writing about my life and never felt I succeeded in what I wanted to say or meant to say beyond about 10 pages of what to me has been essays on my life. I haven't really found a way to talk about my life that I felt useful or necessary or safe or fully relevant or that told the whole story in a way that I would feel safe with or that I could live with all my children, relatives or friends reading.

None of us are perfect people but it is true I have had an amazing life. People tell me that all the time. No one can believe that I have done all the things I have with my life. I'm not sure that they would understand all the suffering and happiness that I have had to endure in my life to get here either. And I'm not sure what "Here" is either, unless you consider that I"m content in my enlightened and philosophical approach to life. And that I'm relatively happy in my third marriage and that all my biological children have survived and are doing okay. And that even though I have now been married 3 times that two of those marriages have reached 15 years and that only my first marriage(from age 26 to 29) we lived together for 4 years. And stragely enough my first wife and I are still friends whereas my 2nd wife I was married to for 15 years and I never speak for about 5 to 7 years now by her insistence and mutual agreement.

Dad died in 1985 when I was 37 and helped perpetuate the end of my second marriage because I wasn't old enough to sustain that marriage after my father passed away.

What is the value of a life or a lifetime? I suppose it is different for everyone. A life can mean a million or more different things to different people and 1/2 million of those things could be in complete contradiction to each other. I guess it's all in one's point of view. But still I would love to write about my life in a way where I could write about all of it and feel it was definitive and could be useful for most people to read. That I have not succeeded in this gives me a challenge and a goal. Whether I succeed at it or not it is still like a mountain to be climbed and therefore gives me something to try to succeed at. So, for now, I write and I practice communicating and developing my craft so that I can help keep myself and others alive and useful and moving toward enlightenment, peace and happiness: a worthwhile ongoing goal that keeps me alive and constantly lengthens my life.

Concerns About Swine Flu

I suppose my life just mirrors what is happening around the world. However, at present 3 people that I am close to are on antibiotics because of Swine Flu. One of the people got swine flu in London and brought it home to his girlfriend. Both are now on antibiotics which they are supplementing with multidolphilus 12 hours apart from their antibiotic doses in order to keep their immune systems strong and to keep their intestinal bacteria moving toward health and strength as quickly as possible to avoid a bought with Pneumonia which is what tends to kill some Swine Flu victims.

Another friend of mine is about 50 years old and an elder caregiver. When he got swine flu he also got pneumonia and is still on antibiotics and doing the same thing as the couple I spoke about above. It appears Swine flu once people have it is something they seem to deal with for about 1 month or so. It is very depleting and especially among young people who still feel fairly immortal, a danger. Older people have usually come close to death one or more times and tend to be more careful. But without vigilance and early doctor care and either antibiotics or Tamiflu it could quickly in some cases become fatal. I greatly worry about people in the southern Hemisphere with it without medical care now and for people in the northern hemisphere without good medical care in the fall and winter and early spring.

Lakes not Oceans

After reading the article about the earliest animals on earth coming from lakes not oceans I began to think about this:

The humanoid bent over his campfire next to the lake and watched the moon rise. Though there were already plants and trees he wondered why animals and other species hadn't evolved yet. His timespace saucer stood next to the nearest tree. Before he got back in after a restful nights sleep next to the lake he had been happy that there was absolutely no wildlife to worry about.

Before he left he deposited excrement next to the lake. He wondered if this was a mistake because other humanoids sometimes brought life to a planet in this way by accident. "So be it!", he thought. If taking a crap next to this beautiful lake brought life to this planet so much the better. His superiors would never know, after all, because he wasn't filming this activity. He climbed aboard his time space saucer and soon instantly was at another timespace and back home on his home planet light years away.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The Life of Milarepa

This book by Lobsang P. Lhalunpgpa I often carry in my backpack when I travel across the state, nation or internationally to bless my trip and to keep me and mine safe and to bless all within varying distances of my physical presence depending upon my state of consciousness at the time I pass by.

I woke up this morning and my Pocket Dalai Lama once again asked me to do something which was to read this book I carry often when traveling. So I opened it up and read the introduction. The last time I read it might have been 10 years ago but I didn't remember reading the introduction. I found it precious and decided to share some of it. There is something very magical and precious when a present day person recounts there experiences when first exposed to the dharma in the Himalayas or around the world now.

Begin quote from introduction of The Life of Milarepa by Lobsang P. Lhalungpa printed by Penguin Books.

"Lobsang P. Lhalungpa was born in Lhasa, Tibet, and has passed through the disciplines of the major branches of Tibetan Buddhism under many of its greatest living masters. His life has drawn him into all aspects of the effort to maintain the Tibetan tradition while bringing it into relationship with Western needs." end quote.

next page rare photograph of Milarepa's tower.

Introduction p. vii
begin quote.
"I recall the childhood experience of listening to Milarepa's life in the form of folktales from the south of Tibet, the home province of Marpa. Deep admiration rose up in me at his will to give his whole life for the sake of his mother and at his undying determination later to save the sinking ship of his own destiny, the ship that subsequently carried innumerable people to safety across the sea of Samsara.

To the people of Tibet and to fellow Buddhists in the Asian highlands and the Himalayas, Mila, although he lived in the 12th century, is not a myth but still a vital figure- the embodiment of supreme excellence as well as the father of awakened masters. Never, in the thirteen centuries of Buddhist history in Tibet, has there been such a man, who not only inspired and intellectual elite and spiritual luminaries, but also captured the imagination of the common people.

To those of us who read his life and songs as the true account of liberation, and who have also received the secret transmission of higher teachings to which he contributed so much, Milarepa has great significance in our lives. The experience of illumination is being quietly repeated in an almost unbroken order in the tradition up to the present, even extending to many parts of the modern world." end quote.

Having also received many initiations I understand what Lobsang is talking about. To properly explain what this means in kindness let me illustrate with the initiation of the 21 Taras.(Tara is a figure to the Tibetan Buddhists which could most easily be equated to Mother Mary in Christian traditions or to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy.

I was told that when I reached 1,000,000 tara mantras that I would begin to have siddhis manifest automatically in my life and that I would reach a stage of enlightenment. (a siddhi is a supernatural ability that either automatically or at will manifests like healing, being aware of things 1000s of miles away as they occur, knowing what people think, in other words things useful to know if you are a holy person whose primary function it is to lift and heal souls and thereby be lifted oneself).

Since I had already been given siddhis from previous lifetimes of Tibetan Buddhist, Christian and other initiations from many past lives that automatically carry over from lifetime to lifetime I knew that more initiations and practices would only increase my ability to help to save all beings from harm from self imposed ignorance and from without. I would say the biggest problem most beings have is simply ignorance of what life is all about. This single factor causes the most distress in beings because what they do in ignorance causes all sorts of misfortune.

So, if one can become enlightened enough in any or all ways to point out a useful way of being simply by one's example or presence or by judicious ideas spoken in right mindful extremely efficient ways one can hopefully, lead other beings out of their ignorance and into the beginnings of their enlightenment. Eventually, these beings become wise enough to lead more and more beings out of their ignorance and life becomes worth living for all.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Pocket Dalai Lama 7-26-09

I bought a 3 inch by 2 1/2 inch copy of "The Pocket Dalai Lama" by Shambhala Pocket Classics at the Art Museum while my wife was looking at Dutch sailing Classics of the 1600s and 1700s. She has two art degrees and an MBA and is interested in such things.

I bought "The Pocket Dalai Lama" because I needed something familiar because I was feeling a little at loose ends on the East Coast of the U.S. and very out of my element because I have never lived there. I have lived in the Seattle area(first 4 years) then mostly California with about one year in Santa Fe, New Mexico and about another year on the Big Island of Hawaii and Maui. So, the east coast is far from my comfort zone.

I have been keeping the book in my heart pocket on my shirts as I traveled since Salem which has been about a week so far. Now I'm back home on the Northern California coast about one mile from the ocean where once again I can hear the sea lions many nights and see the stars whenever the high summer coastal fog retreats. I greatly enjoy the fresh air off the ocean blowing eastward and the crisp ocean air. However, I greatly miss the warmer east coast weather which reduced my 61 year old bodies aches and pains by about 75%. I would have to go to Los angeles, Santa Barbara or the Desert to have that experience right now in California.

This is the second morning back home in California after our 2 week sojourn to the east coast of the united States from North Carolina all the way up to Salem, Massachusetts and everything in between.

As I awoke this morning I saw the smiling face of the Dalai Lama on the book and he said clearly to me, "Listen to 'The House of the Seven Gables'" I thought this a strange request at the time but have learned through years of experience when a holy man or woman(Jesus, angels,Masters etc.) speak to me through a photo or drawing of them to take them seriously. So, I dutifully listened to a few chapters of "The House of the Seven Gables" and soon realized he was teaching me about karma. In this illustration Mr. Maul was hanged as a wizard or witch and Mr. Pinchon, a rich man stood happily by while this happened then acquired Mr. Maul's properties as soon as he was hung as a witch and proceeded to tear down his house and build the house of the seven gables. What is even stranger was that Mr. Maul's son was hired to build the house for Mr. Pinchon. Stranger still just before being hanged Mr. Maul cursed Mr. Pinchon to "Drink Blood" which meant he considered himself wronged by Mr. Pinchon. Later after the house was built Mr. Pinchon did drink blood as he died in his office in the house of the seven gables.

I had a conversation in my head with the Dalai Lama and it went something like this: "As you can see, Fred, Karma is also revenge. However, for an evolved being the point is to go beyond karma. The past should be forgotten so that infinite states of revenge aren't created for beings to endure. As a holy person you must learn to "let sleeping dogs lie". In otherwords don't activate anger hatred cycles of retribution when it isn't necessary. There is only now. The past is gone. The future isn't here yet. There is only now and all must do the best with now that they can. Being a holy person is about creating infinite states of grace for all beings for miles and miles around. In this way we lift up all mankind into a permanent state of grace for all beings."

I felt very honored and amazed by this exchange and asked almost immediately if I could share this newfound wisdom. This request was honored.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

California 7-25-09

The poor are leaving California now but I don't know how far they will get. Maybe to the edge of town to live in a tent, maybe to a relative or friends apartment in another state with a functioning welfare system. Or maybe they've had enough and will just end it all.

Yes. These are the times we live in and at least in California it looks more and more like the 1930s all over again. Yes. There are those of us like myself that are still okay because we had parents and grandparents that actually lived through the Great Depression and so prepared us in every way in case it happened again by brainwashing us during the 1950s and ever since for baby boomers like myself. So, luckily we are prepared because of the sufferings of our parents for times like these. However, many younger people under about 40 are not so lucky as we to have had such determined forebears that made sure we did not forget the Great Depression or World War II.

As the taxes raise as they inevitably must businesses will be the next to leave California. Because, being a state it isn't allowed to go bankrupt because it can always raise taxes. So, as the taxes raise businesses will leave. It appears inevitable now.

6 months from now California will go through all this once again trying to balance the books but by then they likely will have no choice but to raise taxes.

However, for now, maybe the IOUs will stop and state contractors will once again be paid with real money. So I guess that's a good thing.

Even with all this I still prefer to live in California because here I feel free and I understand here what is expected of me. The further east I travel the less I understand what is going on and what is expected of me. I found myself in North Carolina wondering what level of politelness was really happening and what it meant. I never figured it out.

In Massachusetts men seemed angry with attitude all the time. In California I think there is just more wide open spaces so people just don't have to get so testy all the time. A man in North Carolina from the north said to me, "You've got to watch out for me." I had no problem with that. I had a lot more problem with northern attitudes because I couldn't figure out what was going on. Everyone just seemed pretty pissed off. However, it might just be the terrible recession because it wasn't this way 10 years ago. But it is now.

Anyway, I like California because I can usually see mountains and wide open spaces that I like. My father bought 2 1/2 acres in the desert because he could see about 50 miles in one direction from his property. He would look 50 miles to the east and say to me, "Isn't that a wonderful view?" and I would say, "Yeah. It's beautiful, Dad." He's been gone since 1985 now when I was 37 and Mom passed away this year. "I still like the views in California, Dad!"

Three Sovereigns for Sarah

"Three Sovereigns for Sarah" is the true story of the Salem witch trials that took place in 1692. The movie was made in 1985. When we visited the museum connected to "The House of the Seven Gables and Nathanial Hawthorne's house my wife bought a DVD of the movie starring Vanessa Redgrave.

Historically, it is a very important movie. It documents the hysteria of those times and reminds me a lot of Islamic fundamentalist terrorists today. It is the same extremist mindset once found in some Puritans who conveniently called people witches in order to take their land and property. 19 innocent people were hanged and one died in jail. And 190 people were in jail. Sarah, of whom the movie is primarily about barely survives after being kept in a chicken coop with no heat and a dirt floor with just her clothes and straw to keep warm through the winter of 1692. And she somehow survived alone with only food and water but both her sisters were hanged.

I was excommunicated from the religion I was born in and so suffered a near experience suicide from this over the next two years. Thousands of people commit suicide every day from bad experiences in their churches. Some kill themselves after having been molested by priests. Some kill themselves because of crazy priests and ministers and church workers. Many are so insulated within their churches dogma that they have no hope alone without their church in the world.

I'm not saying all churches are bad just as I wouldn't say that all families are bad. The problem is that if people can't think for themselves for whatever reason there is a good possibility that they will not survive a real crisis in their lives.

This movie gives me and all rational people the creeps and gives new meaning to the similarities to Islamic fundamentalist terrorism. It is this kind of 12th to 17th century kind of fundamentalist thought in all religions that kills people from without and/or within.

If one is a thinking person this movie is far scarier than any horror movie because it is all real and true.

It reminds me a lot in some ways of the fictitious movie, "Lord of the Flies" because it is the children who create the deaths by a game they play with a little guidance from adults. IT is creepier still because it is all true and really happened.

Dangerous Tactics

The latest Taliban/Osama bin Laden tactics being used in Afghanistan and probably soon in Pakistan and likely we will see these same tactics used against Iran and China within 20 years.

Why this is dangerous is it is a combined attack of suicide bombers with fighters with Kalashnikov rifles who move in as quickly as the bodies of the suicide bomber fly apart and massacre everyone left there as they did with the suicide attack on the government buildings in Afghanistan this week. This is relatively inexpensive and steals headlines away from billions spent by western coalition forces and creates psychological havoc worldwide through the news.

The only real effective tool that the west has is to educate the populations of Afghanistan and Pakistan for now of just how crazy and insane the Taliban/Osama bin Laden group really are. Education is now the best weapon to create a lasting peace and sanity in that region. Otherwise, it will spread into Iran by Sunni/Osama bin Laden terrorists and eventually into China too in the Islamic areas over time. Education and a real western Military type of presence is the two pronged way to get this under control. I agree with General Petraeus and what he said this week.

What it's like to be enlightened

There are probably an infinite amount of levels of enlightenment even for human beings. This is precisely because human beings are all fundamentally different in their intrinsic abilities. For example, you may or may not want a successful rock and roll musician to be President of the United States and vice versa.

But what they both have in common is that they are able to project charisma which is a very specific form of enlightenment. By projecting this charisma people like them and women fall in love with them. It's just how this aspect of enlightenment works.

Then there are other aspects of enlightenment that make good researchers. But literally everyone who is before the public fairly regularly and successful about it has the charisma projecting ability that likely comes genetically down through thousands of years of entertainers, musicians, medicine men and women, tribal leaders, lawyers, politicians and military generals etc.

So, all of us have some aspects of what I call enlightenment automatically and genetically built into us at birth. What we then do with these natural abilities decides what kind of enlightened being we will become.

So, from my personal point of view most aspects of enlightenment are there intrinisically, intuitively and instinctively from birth and maybe even before that.

So then, learning what your abilities are might be the most important thing you can do as a young person growing up. Often parents want us to be something we aren't suited to. So finding ones natural abilities early and moving with those abilities might make a person's life much happier and fulfilled. However, making yourself happy might make your family miserable. So this is always a catch 22 for all of us.

I tried to be what my family wanted until I was 21 and realized that doing what they wanted would only make me commit suicide by age 25. And so I went my own way. Luckily, even though my family complained a lot, we had unconditional love between us and so we remained close even though I didn't go the direction entirely that they originally wanted for me. But finding ones abilities early on then allows one to even desire to be alive and to live on. Later on one might marry and then be dedicated to wife and children. But unless you know who you are first it will be a mess even if you sacrifice everything for them and leave yourself destitute in an emotional and mental state in regard to your own wants and needs.

However, there is always another side to all this. There is a saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade or Lemon Pie. In otherwords, "Life is what happens while we are all busy making other plans." Facing this fact for all of us leads to each of our enlightenment. Without being able to deal with anything one can never really be enlightened.

I think accepting all the good and the bad in life and understanding it for what it is is the real foundation for enlightenment for all of us. The only escape from life and enlightenment is suicide and I don't consider that an escape because I've seen the other side and believe me suicide is worse than anything you will face here unless you are terminal with a terminal disease. That would be the only exception I believe.

There is a joy and a peace in true enlightenment that I can't even adequately describe. I think my wife said it best. She said, "When I was single I had no idea just how happy I would be if I married the right person. I would have been very unhappy all those years if I had known just how happy I could actually be."

Enlightenment is a lot like that for me too. For example, having almost died now several times in my life death doesn't really hold the fear or sting it once did. It is just another part of life just like eating breakfast or going to the bathroom. It is inevitable so just enjoy the time you have. Be happy and be enlightened. It's a great life! Enjoy it!

The Joys of Ubuntu

Ubuntu is a completely free operating system built on the linux model. It has been designed by volunteers all over the world online so that ANYONE can have a free operating system for internet usage primarily. It is the best supported free linux version I have ever seen and reminds me of Firefox a lot except that Ubuntu is a full operating system just like Windows XP or other linux versions.

I just use it for internet usage only. I haven't downloaded enough extra programs that are available to use my printer for example. So I have an older laptop that runs Windows XP that my son partitioned so I can either run XP or run ubuntu. So, for example, while I was traveling I took my XP or Ubuntu partitioned laptop by Dell along since it is now about 3 or 4 years old. I left my daughter's Macbook home because it is too valuable in case it gets lost or stolen. So, in the hotel rooms with wifi or ethernet access I used the XP because it is compatable with the average wifi or ethernet hotel connections. At one hotel I couldn't even open firefox so I had to run internet Explorer instead so I did.

However, if I'm home I always run UBUNTU if I'm surfing the internet on my PC which I keep in my bedroom. This way if I get a writing idea if I'm asleep or near asleep I can jot the idea down and either finish it or develop it later without worrying about virus protection so much. My router kills or sends away most viruses anyway so they never get to any of my computers. My Ubuntu XP laptop is the only one that I use in a wifi format. I prefer most of the time to use one of our two stationary laptops connected through ethernet cables directly into my router. This reduces cell phone radiation and electrical signal exposure to my body and anyone else in the house.

A wifi computer is a lot like a cell phone in the exposure of radiation and electrical radio signal that one is exposed to so I try to keep that to a minimum. I am also very suspicious of this new technology of transmitting electricity through the air to recharge phones and batteries. Something just doesn't seem right about that in regard to living things in the vicinity of these transmissions.

I was reading something a long time ago that certain types of electrical signals and transmissions eventually started driving the people of Atlantis mad. I think our civilization might also be reaching that point of electrical and radio and cell phone signals traveling through the air as well. Many people can't handle all these transmissions going every which way and are affected mentally, emotionally and physically.

I remember as a teenager being able to pick up a radio station because of the fillings in my teeth. I could hold my jaw in a certain position and listen to KFOX while I was attending Glendale High School. I was told later my mouth became a crystal set because of several different metals including gold, platinum and silver in my teeth fillings and I could listen to the station through what is called bone conduction. All these things are going through all our bodies all the time and I don't think they are helping anyone's health in the long run.

Friday, July 24, 2009


This is the time of year when many of us are traveling, June, July and sometimes August. Once again we hopefully go to new places or places we want or need to see to renew ourselves and to move forward in our lives.

I just returned from a 2 week sojourn on the East Coast of the United States. I had only been to this region once before, 10 years ago after the passing of my wife's mother whose family lives in North Carolina and that region of the country. This time we returned for a wedding of my wife's cousin's son. It is nice to be able to celebrate life and new beginnings. My wife and I have had enough deaths to deal with in our lives lately and needed something positive and new to celebrate. This wedding just happened to be the wealthiest wedding I have ever been to. It reminded me in some ways of a celebrity wedding that you might see on TV or hear about in a newspaper. The new wife's father is a CEO of a large company. His house looked like a hotel and was on his own private lake. The lake was died green for the wedding and to prevent mosquitoes. Even the semi-truck trailer size portable toilets were like going to the Ritz. It was a very awesome wedding with over 500 guests.

This began a journey that started in North Carolina and took us by rental car and plane to Williamsburg, and Jamestown in Virginia, then on to Washington DC to visit the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and the Native American Museum next door. It then took us by plane to Boston and by rental car to Salem, Massachusetts and to staying at the historic Hawthorne Hotel there and visiting the real "House of the Seven Gables" and Nathanial Hawthorne's home while growing up there and visiting old friends of my wife who live in Salem.

Later still it took us to Hyannis and to Provincetown out on Cape Cod and exploring that region for the first time in my life. The hotel on the beach where we stayed reminded one of the movie "Dirty Dancing" in that dance bands and entertainment were all a part of the family package one pays for while staying there. There were also jet skis available for rent and a double banana type of towed device that many people rode behind a tow boat that one swam out from the beach to get on for a ride. Then finally we drove our rental car to Boston and to an airport hotel with 24 hour free shuttle service to the airport. We were very grateful that we returned our rental car to the airport the night before because as soon as we returned our car it rained all night in a heavy tropical type of downpour all night long. So as we boarded our shuttle to our plane home to California we were able to stay dry even in the pouring rain. My 13 year old daughter had to run out and dance in the rain a little before we boarded our shuttle to the airport because we don't get very much rain here in California, especially the last couple of years.

So, we missed one nights sleep and got up at 3 am eastern time or midnight Pacific time and started our journey home. The normal 6 hour flight home was made much shorter by tailwinds and we landed 40 minutes ahead of schedule. As we landed in Los Angeles I was very aware of having not slept the night before. So trying to stay awake for the final flight to the northern California coast from Los Angeles International Airport was a bit much. But finally we boarded our smaller prop jet north. It was a good journey all and all. It was much more than I ever expected this time. I guess after all the grief of this year I didn't really expect to feel this much relief and happiness ever again. But as they say, "Time heals all wounds."

Bringing Maitreya

If you are living Dharma then everything you do, think or say brings Maitreya, brings infinite Good to all beings everywhere. Even attempting creating positive outcomes takes one in this direction. It appears to be all about leverage and maximizing positive outcomes exponentially. There doesn't really appear to be any limit to maximizing positive outcomes for all life in the universe. This is just an experiential observation. Since there is no limit to the positive outcomes that can come and are coming now from everything you think, do or say it behooves each of us to continuously maximize our potential for good outcomes for all beings.

There is a saying by Camu that goes something like, "Those who can, Do. Those who can't, Teach."

However, I think it goes more like this: "Those who can both do and teach!"

So if you are enlightened or aspire to become enlightened it is all one amazing process of unfoldment. Choosing to become enlightened is to have already succeeded.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Men's Rules for marriage and Family

The caveat here is that most women will disagree. However, for you men, if you want to be happy in your marriage and not go in with 2 or 3 strikes against you to begin with here goes:

First of all IF you want to have children in your marriage never marry someone before she is pregnant with your child. Otherwise, you might find out that you two can't have kids and then your are married and screwed out of ever having kids. So make sure you can get her pregnant before you marry(but only if you intend to marry her).

Also, if your girlfriend gets pregnant try to make sure the child is yours so you don't wind up raising someone else's kid. However, if you meet a woman who already has kids and you want to be their stepfather, great. However, from my personal experience, being a stepfather to teenagers and beyond might be the least rewarding experience of your lives even though from 0 to 12 it might be the best experience of your lives. I raised two stepkids from ages 6 and 8 to 17 each when they decided to lead their own lives go off to college.

Some people might be different in that they don't want kids because either they or their significant other are always going to be the kid. That's different but even then try to think about why you are getting married? If the answer is to give her everything you own then go ahead. But if the answer is anything else you should think about it more.

Mostly what you read about marriage appears to be women's fantasies. As a man if you want to be happy and not make someone you love miserable the next 50 years of their lives please listen to practicality. The marriage thing that women fantasize about only destroys men's minds and lives. It isn't their fault because it is a fairy tale.

However, as a man, if you are practical enough you can compensate for that fantasy and actually make both yourself and the person you love happy. But if you don't have your eyes open you both will be doomed. Even if you don't agree now you will after 15 or 20 years of marriage or more.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Paul Krugman

Paul Krugman writes for the New York Times. I was listening to him talk when interviewed by Stephen Colbert on his show. He was saying how the Tarp money was enough to save us from another Great Depression but not enough to create a recovery and that there is no recovery on the horizon so far.

Whether that is true or not I cannot say but I think there are several economists who share his view. I think to make full sense of what is happening world wide one must plug in many factors. First, Global warming is changing all the rules worldwide. Just look at how weird worldwide weather is in regard to both droughts and rain. 2nd I think the full cost of the terrorist wars are coming home to roost in the western world. The people fighting us are using Kalashnikov rifles and suicide bombs which are very inexpensive compared to predator drones with hellfire missiles to assassinate terrorist leaders in Pakistan.

Financially and in blood I don't think this is a war that the western world can win the way it is presently being fought. The best that can be done is to slow it down and grind both sides to a stalemate much like during World War I. However, if it is a stalemate the western world can only go bankrupt fighting the way we presently are. The whole process of what warfare actually is needs to be completely rethought to create anything useful to anyone in the end.

I think what society is is in the process of change, extreme change. I don't know what it will turn into but I can see and feel the movement toward something we haven't seen before worldwide. And the present way the west is fighting the terrorist war will not give us what we want and it will not give the other side what they want. The likely end to the way things are going is something crazy like starvation for half of mankind. That appears to be where this is all going now.

We need some new ideas for steering the future of the human race. Otherwise, we may watch up to half of the population of earth slowly die of starvation over this next century. I'm 61. At most I'll see another 40 years of it. I wouldn't want to be a child now and watch 3 billion people starve. I just wouldn't want that experience.

All of you young people out there let's think of a better way to solve the world's problems. Let's find a better way!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I Love you, Beth Cooper: the movie

Though Hayden Panittiere carried her part really well I felt the story line was a bit weak. However, it is still worth seeing like a bunch of Saturday night Live Sketches along the same story line with the same charactors in them. It is a roller coaster ride from beginning to end somewhat in the formula of Superbad that Michael Sera was in. Paul Rust plays the geeky guy in this film.

I enjoyed the movie because the part of Hayden Panittierre is so alive and on the edge. The counterpoint to her in the movie is played by Paul Rust who is Denis Cooverman in the movie and is the Valedictorian speaking at the high school graduation. During his speech he tells the whole class including Beth Cooper that he loves her. And then the fun begins.

Shamanism, Christianity and Buddhism

While I was visiting Salem my daughter wanted to visit the Witch Museum. I didn't have a very good feeling about it but my 13 year old daughter and my wife won out. I went along to be a spiritually protective influence. I was surprised by the show. It depicted in much more detail the Witch trials and the approximately 190 people that died as a result and it demonstrated how crazy people can get. It started when young women started to get catatonic, quite a few of them. The doctor who examined them couldn't figure out any illness associated with their condition and so believed it could only be witchcraft. It was strange that only young women between the ages of 12 and 17 were afflicted with this catatonia. Today many people believe it was caused by ergot in rye bread which can cause hallucinations and gangrene in the limbs and create a type of catatonia and inability to speak. But that still doesn't explain why only young post pubescent women were the only ones affected. Eventually, 190 people died either by hanging or in prison from all this craziness. At that time people were very afraid of the devil and anything that couldn't be explained easily was attributed to this.

I myself, don't believe in a devil. However, I do believe that chaotic things happen and so reason and wisdom and understanding must be created to couteract such chaotic events wherever possible. And I do believe in cause and effect. In other words what goes around comes around for every living being.

Since Shamanism connected with animism appears to be the first religion celibrated by all tribal peoples. And since this allowed tribes to survive for thousands and thousands of years long before religions like Brahmanism(10,000 years ago) and Judaism(approximately 7,000 years ago) and Buddhism (approximately 2500 years ago) came into being.

Catholicism and Buddhism have many places on earth allowed shamanism and their religions to merge. For example, in Mexico the tribal Shamanic religions have dovetailed with Catholicism to create what Catholicism is now in Mexico, Central and South America. And in Tibet, Nepal, Bhutan etc. Buddhism has dovetailed with the local Bon Po shamanic religions of the Himalayas to become Tibetan Buddhism. For the larger religions to allow this to happen naturally, it has greatly strengthened these organized religions in these areas and given them a much more humane face than they would have had otherwise.

There is a natural vitality to shamanic religions worldwide. For example, in many if not most Native American Tribal religions the dreams and visions of every member of the tribe are very important to the whole tribe's sanity and survival. By allowing this to be this way it strengthens and makes everyone's connection directly to God and life and Universe the primary thing and validates every person's dreams and visions and makes them feel useful to the family, tribe or group in which they live. This is very important and prevents suicide and people becoming confused and forlorn in their lives. It can also help prevent insanity by helping family, tribal or group members to feel a part of their group and to strive more for individual and group purposes which will also give them a reason to stay alive and not take their own lives.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Whatever Works 7-18-09

I was reading the description for the movie "Whatever Works" by Woody Allen and played by Larry David and thought to myself, "I try to be a feel good person but don't always succeed." I think there was a quote from a description of the movie something like, "Boris is not a feel good person." I have always liked Woody Allen movies, they are intellectual and funnily neurotic always in a New York sort of way. You sort of get the feeling that this person always maybe spent too much time in the city alone in his room growing up in New York. But that is also the precious intelligent side to Woody Allen's movies too. Any intelligent person can usually relate to some of the funny predicaments his charactors get into.

Growing up I was always suspicious of people who were always happy. Later I found that most of them were nuts. But to some degree as I approached my 30s and 40s I started to see most of the cynical ones were to a lesser degree nuts too. I came to value optimists like my wife only in my 40s when she was about 39 and I thought she was about 25 because that was what she looked like. I realized that without optimists the human race would already be extinct from war and suicide.

Life is a real paradox. If you appear to be happy all the time most people will think you are high or nuts or both. But if you are cynical all the time people will think you are a bit odd too. So, it seems only a rational even state of mind seems to work for most people most of the time. If you are too happy and smiling all the time people get very jealous and even suspicious. But if you are too melancholy then people think you might be a threat. Whereas if you live in a really dangerous area drooling while you walk home might keep a knife out of your belly or a club off your head or a bullit away from you. People who are unpredictable usually aren't messed with except by REALLY confused people who are close to drooling or drooling already themselves. This is just one of many strange facts of life about people in dangerous cities or other dangerous areas.

New England

I was raised mostly in Los Angeles county, California, even though I was born and spent my first 4 years in Seattle, Washington. In California I learned after I was 6 and lived in Los Angeles County, first in Tujunga and later at age 8 in Glendale that Southern California is very experimental and as I grew up I came to call it Controlled Chaos.

When I was younger I would have thought of the sense of order in New England quite oppressive after growing up in L.A. However, as an older person now of 61 I find it a different quality, one of safety and organization. Just as I find the experimentalism of California useful to the whole nation and the world, I also find the order and safety that historically has passed down through the centuries in New England and the East Coast quite useful to survival on many levels over periods of hundreds of years of society. I can see that New England literally is a new version of England in many ways. It is interesting to me that I always considered Canada much like this as well and having been raised in Seattle which is right next door to Canada, the politeness and formality of England and Canada also permeates Seattle life as well because of the proximity and influence. So since by 4 my personality was set in many ways I have carried this sense of order and politeness I got there into California. So discovering this same similar kind of order and politeness now in New England at age 61 I find renewing and hopeful.

I'm very worried about my home state of California making it through the present economic crisis. Though it was caused by out of state energy companies taking advantage of utility consumers in California originally it also has grave implications for the rest of the country. California, being innovative normally leads the country through innovation out of recessions. However, I'm worried that California has been dealt a hopefully not fatal blow this time and that some useful way to emerge from the latest crisis will be found.

Friday, July 17, 2009

The Pocket Dalai Lama

Begin quote from "The Pocket Dalai Lama" published by Shambala Pocket Classics.
"In the late 1980s when I first became dimly aware of the plight of Tibet, it was actually the prospect of an audience with His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama which sent me off to his place of exile in Dharmsala, North India, to investigate the possibilities of a book. Tibet was a virtually unknown quantity as far as I was concerned, but the chance of an audience was too good to miss. Though I expected little more than an exchange of plattitudes, I was curious to meet this exotic figure, who in my limited imagintation, would come straight out of Shangri La by way of Lost Horizon.

Little did I realize that this visit would turn me upside down and inside out. I returned home filled with fury, pity and disgust for the sufferings of the Tibetans at the hands of their Chinese conquerors--and determined to tell the world what had been done to them. As for what the Dalai Lama, within minutes of meeting him, I found myself reflecting that here was the most human human being I had ever met. Along with a luminous simplicity and warmth he radiated serenity and a deep inner peace. He had that rare gift of speaking directly to the human heart and evoking a response. In their different ways, this and my subsequent encounters with him were life enhancing." end quote. from pages vii and viii from the introduction.

My personal experience with the Dalai Lama was quite different. I had met a Geshe Lobsand Gyatso in Santa Cruz, California. He had come to help Lama Yeshe pass over and to reincarnate as Lama Oso. Geshela had said he would be in Bodhgaya in India in late December 1985 and to visit him there if we came to Asia. While snorkeling of an island called Koi Samed off Thailand I meditated about whether we should cut our Thai portion of the trip short after one or two weeks and fly to Nepal and drive to India by Car(in Nepal) and by Bus in India. I got it from the universe that to leave then to meet Geshela was the highest good that could come from this situation so we did this. So when we arrived to meet Geshela we had no idea at the time that 500,000 Tibetan Buddhists would be there in native Dress from Tibet, Sri Lanka, Nepal, India, Bhutan etc. or that the Dalai Lama would be there to initiate the 500,000 people into the Kalachakra initiation that has to do with Shambala.(Shangri la is the fictionalized concept of Shambala whereas the Kalachakra initiation is the real thing). It was given as a four day initation and was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Though we had no idea at the time what it was, Geshela recommended that the 5 members of my family receive it. We met Tibetans that had walked for 6 months out of Kham, Tibet just to receive this initiation, knowing full well that the Chinese would never let them return home after having left Tibet.

His Oneness, a character in my "Memories" series of books is patterned after the King of Shambala and came from my experiences past, present and future. Though Arcane and Elohar and Lord Fire(on Atlantis) were all written before I had this initiation I did not write of His Oneness until after this initiation and most of the subsequent writings on this subject were after this initiation.

The four months my family and I spent in India and Nepal permanently changed us all in many ways in which I cannot formally explain. However, I can say that nothing physically or spiritually prepared me for what the world economically or spiritually is going through the past few years more than those four months in India and Nepal from December 1985 until April 1986.

The House of the Seven Gables

I recently was in Salem, Ma. and went to the house of the Seven Gables that Nathanial Hawthorne wrote about during the early to middle 1800s. His female cousing then owned the house that was first built during the 1600s by a rich sea captain. While visiting Salem I went on a tour through it with a guide. I found it well worth my while and afterwords went to Nathanial Hawthorne's childhood home on the same property both of which look out upon the water and boat harbor there in Salem. The weather was cooler than normal this summer which made it especially nice for me and my family and though humid being near the ocean the temperatures stayed mostly between 70 to 80 Farenheit during the days so it was very pleasant. An almost constant breeze off the sea made this stay a very pleasant one only interrupted by a few flashes of lightning and very light white caps on the ocean one day. A very pleasant stay. I also bought a cd set of Nathanial Hawthorne's book "The House of the Seven Gables" at the museum store right next his house and the house of the Seven Gables in Salem, Ma.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Smithsonian and IMAX

Recently, I was at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. I was amazed to find that it is now free to the public as it was quite expensive when I last went in 1999, ten years ago. We have a pattern now (my wife and I) of going to Hawaii every 5 years and to the east coast every 10 years so far. However, this could change.

So, one of the things I really wanted to see was several of the real American Space capsules on display there as well as saturn boosters for rockets into space and the wright brothers plane and the spirit of Saint Louis in which an American was the first to cross the Atlantic successfully in a plane, Linburgh was his name.

After visiting the Air and Space Museum we next visited the Native American Museum next door. After seeing several media shows and visiting an amazing amount of authentic stuff(only 1% of their stuff is actually on display) we returned to the IMAX near to 6 pm to watch the IMAX of the latest installment of "Night of the Museum" which takes place mostly at the Smithsonian which is really quite fun to watch while actually being there at the same time.

There is a giant octopus in this one that reminds me of Galaxy quests octopi and the octopi at the bottom of the sea in transformers and of a shamanic experience that I wrote about that happened on Maui in 1989 of a giant Octopus from the future and past who is/was a time traveler and who came and spoke to me and told me that his evolution had started on earth as Northern Pacific Octopi and had been genetically engineered by humans and later by evolved Octopi to become the very intelligent Octopi that his race had become. However, he had said that mankind enabled his species to exist. So he had rescued the surviving humans from what is now the Asteroid belt but what was then a planet out past Mars that exploded in a thermonuclear war. He brought some to Mars but they were pretty pissed off about having most of their atmostphere blown off by the thermonuclear war on the Asteroid belt planet when it exploded. So, eventually (Flame I call him) got permission from the Galactic government to move the surviving humans of the asteroid belt planet to earth because by then the big dinosaurs had been destroyed by the asteroids that impacted earth from the explosion of the asteroid belt planet. So, mostly all that was left then was little dinosaurs when the asteroid belt planet survivors were brought to earth. Many Mars survivors eventually came to earth as well.


I recently stayed in Salem, Massachusetts, at a Hotel, built in 1925. The following is a quote from their hotel history book black leather bound labeled "Hawthorne Hotel"
begin quote: "In the 1920s the citizens of Salem, Massachusetts, established an unusual public subscription drive to build 'Salem's own hotel. . . to meet the particular needs of Salem, its guests and visitors. . .' The Hawthorne has remained a unique and integral part of the city and Boston's North Shore ever since its completion in 1925.

Our beautifully restored, stately Federal-style hotel is named for author Nathaniel Hawthorne, who spent his childhood in Salem and returned in 1846 to serve for three years as Surveyor of the Port at the Custom House. In 1849, he wrote THE SCARLETT LETTER at his home in Salem.

Over the years the Hawthorne Hotel has played host to many well-known personalities, including newsman Walter Concrite, actress Betty Davis, General Colin Powell, and on separate occasions, former President George Bush and Bill Clinton, and First Lady Barbara Bush.

Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley spent part of their honeymoon at the Hawthorne. In 1984, Vanessa Redgrave called the hotel home for a month while making Three Sovereigns for Sarah, a public television movie about Salem witch trials.

It was the television sitcom, BEWITCHED, that brought the Hawthorne Hotel its most notoriety. In 1970, Elizabeth Montgomery, her real life husband, Bill Asher, and the rest of the cast and crew of the show stayed at the Hawthorne for several weeks while fliming episodes in Salem and the surrounding area. For years after the 'Salem Saga' first aired, the hotel was flooded with calls asking if this was the "Bewitched Hotel." What viewers actually saw on television was a facade of the hotel built on a Hollywood lot. The interior of the hotel is nothing like the actual interior of the real Hawthorne." end quote.

Though we visited Salem and Boston to visit friends of my wife I found this quite entertaining as well in reading about the history of this hotel.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Williamsburg and Jamestown

When I visited Williamsburg and Jamestown in Virginia recently I found it pleasantly surprising. Ten years ago my family and I had visited Williamsburg but hadn't had time to visit Jamestown and the re-creation of the of the original ships like the Susan Constance. I found the Susan Constance amazing in that it has a brick firplace up front for cooking and a whipstaff to steer the boat that is connected below to a tillar as steering wheels hadn't been invented in 1608 yet. The cannons were also much lighter than I am used to seeing in more recent wooden ships. If you are in the area be sure to see Jamestown and the ship recreations that actually are sailed. A docent said because they sail they must legally be fitted with emergency engines that one does not see on the tour.

We also visited the blacksmith shop in Williamsburg where they say they have made 20,000 iron nails for traditional construction of buildings there. While we were there watching they made a drawknife by heating the iron in the stove and bellows and then beating it into the drawknife shape.(a drawknife is a crude plane for planing off rough wood). I greatly enjoyed one night walking through Williamsburg with the wooden torch fires built at about 6 to 7 feet in elevation on iron grates and tourists set up in line like soldiers in the revolutionary war and being fired upon with blanks from guns by traditionally dressed minutemen. Around this Fort like area was a wall of wooden 4 to 6 inch thick spikes facing out toward the countryside. What a fun experience as long as one can stand the heat and humidity this time of year.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The evolving nature of warfare

The following comes from my observations of world events. I cannot quantify whether this is true or not. It simply appears that it is.

When nations become nuclear powers they join a club which has as a basic rule, "We have nuclear weapons but we know that to actually use them against any nation could spark the end of life on earth sooner or later. So, since we cannot engage in warfare amongst ourselves therefore war can only be on an espionage and economic level and through media propaganda. In the end it is only a war of ideas and economics that will decide who wins and who loses".

But in this age where in some ways corporations now collectively have more power than all nations combined economically, where does military might come into the picture other than as police actions to maintain international order. In this state of affairs I submit that there can only be police actions and never really wars when nuclear powers are involved.

Therefore the only real wars to the death then can be between non-nuclear powers engaged in a life or death struggle. But as soon as one of them also becomes a nuclear power no military wars will be fought but only police actions.

Since this appears to be true worldwide then it appears to be in the interest of all relatively stable nations to become nuclear powers as soon as possible so no one will attack them and wipe them off the map.

One could project this sort of "moving towards nonviolence" caused by nuclear weapons since 1945 and envision wars based upon computer games, for example, witnessed by all sort of like football or soccer games worldwide now to help decide disagreements sort of like single combat between the leaders of nations or areas or tribes to decide wars sometimes fought in the distant past.

The real danger with all this is unstable nations like North Korea or the instability that Iran appears to be entering into now. If a government doesn't actually support the will of the people all these complicated rules governing nuclear weapons become like a world filled with nations playing Russian roulette with nuclear weapons.

This world filled with 100 nations filled with nuclear weapons is obviously unacceptable because someone eventually will make a mistake and bring down within a day the whole house of cards and leave many nations smoking craters.

If you know anything about the laws of probability it is not if but when.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Michael Jackson: 50 years

Michael Jackson did something remarkable with his life. He took the best ideas of the 1960s and 1970s and for that matter of all the years that there have been humans and put them to song in such a way that it touched almost everyone.

I know there are some people who will just never get it and who have to be cynical about him and his life. And he appears to have done it better than most others. Otherwise, why are people treating his passing they way they are?

Over 1 billion people watched his memorial service on TV today. How many more will watch it on the internet or Dvd or DVR? Something in his music and dancing and music touched almost everyone on earth and gave people hope of a better world where all the different kinds of people on earth could get along and find a way forward in their lives.

Because he was basically non-violent and non-threatening he broke through many barriers just like a musical Ghandi for all races and creeds. What he was able to do paved the way for so many even Obama. In his short 50 years somehow he was able to help change the world and attitudes both in the United States and the world almost single handedly. 50 years ago what Michael was able to do would have been unthinkable for a black man to accomplish. But Michael dreamed a big dream and stayed talented and non-violent. If one is both kind and persistent it is amazing what they can do!

East Coast

I haven't been to the East Coast of the United States since about 1999. In 1999 my wife's mother passed away and we went to North Carolina where her family lives to set a plaque for her next to her MOm and Dad there. (Her ashes are in the Santa Barbara Channel in the ocean off California as she wished).

It was my first trip that far east. Many people might wonder why but I was raised on the West Coast and it is just in my blood more. All I had to do was to see how high the population concentrations were east of the Mississippi and it sort of took away my desire to go east. Because like my forebears, we all really like the wide open spaces that give us room to breathe.

However, I found myself fascinated with many aspects of the East Coast. For example, in history books growing up I studied about the Civil War and of our connections to Great Britain and Europe. So when I went to the east coast in June 1999 to North Carolina, Washington, D.C. and to Boston and Salem to visit my wife's friends from when she lived there, I noticed how different the landscape and architecture was and of just how different people's attitudes were than California and the rest of the west coast. Though I like California's laid back ways and speech, sometimes people here can get a little too flaky. On the east coast I found the other extreme of people just being extremely stuck in old ways. I think somewhere there is a happy medium that would actually be useful. However, that is just my opinion. In the end I think it is all about balance. If you have enough balance you survive and without it you don't. Very simple.

A Go Anywhere motorcycle

I have always been interested in owning a go anywhere motorcycle since I was little. Though I had my own 2 1/2 horsepower Wren by Bird Minibike(metallic blue with centrifugal clutch and metal to tire brakes) by the time I was 10 or 12 years old and even though this little minibike was no more than 2 1/2 or so feet tall it was my first experience in driving a motorized 2 wheel vehicle. It could go 30 mph on the level or faster downhill and I kept it for at least 20 years and let all my kids and cousins and all their friends ride on it over the years on my fathers 2 1/2 acres in the hi desert above Yucca Valley, California up on Yucca Mesa until about 1985. I purchased it around 1960.

But my search for a go anywhere motorcycle continued as I own a Matchless Hillclimber with a wide knobby tire in back and a straight exhaust pipe that blew blue fire at night as I rode it across the desert back in the late 1960s. Obviously, it wasn't street legal but I wasn't riding it on any paved roads either. I had to be very careful because in at least the first 2 or 3 gears it could throw me on my back with the bike on top of me if I wasn't very careful with the clutch. It had a very big sprocket in the back and since it was 600cc approximately it had an extreme amount of torque. If you wanted to do a long wheelie on your back tire though it was perfect for that if you could survive it. One day I got angry at my girlfriend and blew the bike up by accident by driving it over its 45 mph top speed with that low of gearing. The oil burnt my leg when the crankcase exploded but luckily the chain when the engine froze didn't cut my leg off but instead mostly just wrapped itself around the front sprocket coming out of the engine. I traded it for a BSA 500 from North AFrica World War II. It was the most reliable motorcycle I have ever own and I could literally kick start it or push start it in ANY weather, even if it was snowing. It was built like a tank and mostly indestructible and though it was heavy was very fun to ride. If you ever watched Indiana Jones and his Dad ride motorcycles it looked a lot like those(all army green with an extremely thick metal plate under the bike to protect the engine from rocks trees or anything else you had to go over where the engine is in the country or desert. It was a really great bike but very heavy. It was hard to pick it up if you dropped it and you didn't want it to fall on your leg. But other than that It was maybe the most reliable go anywhere motorcycle I've ever seen. But it had no rear suspension other than the two coil springs under the seat. I kept that also at my father's 2 1/2 acres in the desert until about 1985 and it never failed to start.

In 1975 I bought a 1974 Honda 250 XL. It was street legal but I could literally go anywhere with it and did. It was kind of light for the freeway passing trucks and in winds but off road it was incredible. It could cruise at 65 to 75 okay but at that speed there was some vibration so I wouldn't want to ride hundreds of miles that way. But it was wonderful for dirt road, off road and camping. One time 10 miles from the nearest small town on a dirt road we got 3 kids(5 to 10 years old) my wife and I and when the dog got tired we put her on the handle bars. We rode about 10 miles up onto Mt. Shasta on dirt roads that way. We were so remote we didn't even see anyone that day. We kept the motorcycle about 10 mph to 25 mph to keep it safe and upright but slow enough to be safe for all of us. We were fine until we hit a patch of snow and stopped at about 9000 feet or 10,000 feet. This was around 1980. Even when we hit the snow patch no one got hurt we just laughed at the fun adventure we all were having in the alpine amazingness of that area then. I kept that motorcycle until 1989 or so when my oldest child traded it for a stereo and speakers when he was about 18.

I haven't owned a motorcycle until now since then. About 1 or 2 months ago I bought a Kawasaki KLR 650. I needed the extra power as I weigh a little more now than I had with a 250. With this bike I obviously won't be doing jumps as it is kind of big and unforgiving doing jumps because the weight 370 pounds is too high. But since I'm 6 foot 5 inches tall I like a tall dualsport bike. But if you aren't used to them it takes a few feet more to get your balance as you take off because of the high center of gravity. However, you need the shock action and extra height if you hit bumps or rocks or dips off road or off highway. So it is a go anywhere bike but I don't plan to be jumping it 8 feet into the air like I could with my 1974 Honda 250 XL that I bought in 1975.

If you live in California like I do and want to ride a motorcycle again or for the first time you need a motorcycle license now that you can add to your standard driver's license. However, the easiest way is to take a motorcycle rider's course at a community college. They are offered at many colleges over the state. In this way you avoid having to take a driving test at the DMV as these can be very hard on some motorcycles. The colleges usually provide you a street motorcycle under 250cc to ride and it cost me about 250 dollars. The one I went to was two thursday nights and to Saturday Morning or afternoons(your choice) of riding the motorcycle they provide and doing what they tell you until you are proficient. IF you an old "Let's jump on a motorcycle and see if I can ride it" then there is a lot of new stuff to learn about riding these days. For example, on bikes today there are no kick starters except on antiques and the kick stand is a part of the ignition system.(Both these things were new for me to deal with. Even though I am primarily an off road rider if you are going to be riding a dualsport(a two wheeled jeep) that is street legal you still need to learn how to ride on the road. Or if you want to learn to ride off road they have courses at the colleges for this as well. Except that this isn't a part of your licensing for motorcycles.

For example, if you are riding off road and apply a front brake don't expect to survive this if you are going very fast because off road your bike will just lay down right there at any speed. So, if you are off road riding you must only use your rear brake except when you are holding your bike stationary on a hill or incline with it. So, when you move from pavement which is 90% front brake to off road which is 90% to 99% back brake you must do an internal switch to survive it just like one must use different skills when cross country skiing or downhill skiing.(I do these too!)

Though I find off road riding much more fun than riding on the pavement, dirt roads aren't available a lot of places that people live so unless you own a trailer to haul your bike or want to ride a long way on the street to get to the country dirt roads on your bike it can be problematic. So, each of us have to find our own ways in this. Happy riding!

Note: Also regarding the BSA 500 World War II motorcycle: It had no battery, only a magneto. So, you only had electricity for a spark for the motor when you either jumped on the kick starter or you ran with it and jump started it in 2nd gear like we did in the old days. However, once it started (and it always did even in the snow) it was an amazingly reliable bike in that it ALWAYS started within about 5 minutes even if the kick starter just caused the engine to backfire and catupaulted you over the handlebars and onto the ground. I only put up with this once. AFter that I only push started it that day in 2nd gear and it usually always started. It started every time from about 1969 until 1985 when I sold it because my Dad passed away and my mother was moving to Palm Springs and letting the 2 1/2 acres go which for me was kind of sad after all the work the whole family had been putting into this acrerage since 1968 even though it was then 1985 and my Dad was now gone. My mother lasted until she was 90 in 2008. I think moving away kept her sane so she didn't have to live in a place she shared with Dad and just miss him all the time until she pined away like many widows do within a few years of their husbands passing.

Ask God: a license plate

I was driving down the freeway and saw a vanity license plate that simply said, "Ask God".

I began to think about what that meant and how it would affect everyone that read it. Then I started to think about the physics of how things would move if someone took that license plate seriously.

It wouldn't really matter if the person believed in God or not. It only would be necessary if someone accepted that there was a concept of God. From this point the life force and natural intelligence within everyone and everything in the universe would take over. I find the universe sort of generally helpful to all beings and consciousness and this sometimes I call God. If I wasn't an intuitive that could directly experience all life in this way I might react differently. But since I do, it is sort of like, "May the Force Be with You!" And in specific "May the life force of the universe be supportive to you as your family." So then by understanding that the whole universe instead of being your enemy is your family who will help take care of you as long as you take care of it one comes to the point of seeing the universe as a single organism and you are an organism and your body is a universe of many organisms that function much like the universe does in that all parts of your body work together for the greater good of the entire organism.

So, whatever you want to know, Ask God, Ask the Universe, ask the one organism of your body and the entire universe and find out the answers to everything you need to know!

Be free! Be Kind! Be helpful to the universe!

Dangerous People

How do I know if someone is dangerous? If anyone that I meet anywhere on Earth tells me that if I don't believe what they do that something bad will happen to me. These are the most dangerous people on earth.

How do I know if someone is safe? I know someone is safe if they believe in "Live and let Live" and understand that there are an infinite amount of points of view in this constantly expanding universe we live in.

So, someone who is safe to be around understands we are both human beings and is tolerant like me of others with other points of view. It doesn't mean that they believe the same as I do. It just means that they will allow me to live my own life in peace.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Transformers and Rock People

I was thinking today how one could theoretically come up with sentient Robotic creatures like one sees on the Transformers Movie series. It occurred to me that the answer is obvious. As an intuitive I have learned to communicate with all living things, and I have found literally everything to be alive including air, water, fire and earth and all beings and things everywhere in the universe. Then to bring about life from metals and silicon wafers and plastic and everything else would be for the the consciousness I experience in all things to find a way to speak even to those have not yet developed their intuitive side to be able to communicate with everything.

For a human, learning to talk to everything is easy. Just don't expose a human to TV, radio, computers or any other media, sort of like being a Shepard with sheep somewhere and these abilities naturally develop over time with the right interest and inclination. Or it could happen to someone who is exposed to everything like I have been but who has spent enough time alone with nature or in groups in nature to develop my gifts into useful survival skills in all situations.

So, somehow giving the consciousness in metal, silicon, and plastic and such a real and useful voice would be the beginning of non-biological lifeforms capable of verbal or symbolic communication with humans in a fully sentient way.

Another thing that I have experienced is that when you communicate with Rocks and earth one must remember these earth and rock beings have been alive and conscious and learning for millions and millions of years before there were oceans, air or any biological life on earth at all. So in this equation, humans are like newborn children in comparison when communicating with their respected elders millions of years old. They also see us as their children and as a part of their evolution, just like they see air, water, and all living things their children. After all, our bodies,(especially our bones) are made of calcium and other minerals from the earth. And all the food we eat came from the earth which is decomposed rocks and minerals and the excrement of everything that has lived biologically before in combination with water and sun. So, we are literally the children of the rock people and the sun who have already seen everything that happened as earth formed and before that as a part of many suns and nebulae.

Saturday, July 4, 2009


I found one of my journals from 1982. I was amazed it had survived this long with all the moves to Hawaii and back to Northern California ocean coast, to Mt. Shasta and the Southern California Deserts since then and pilgrimages to Asia and Europe. Though there is much more angst in my writing then there is also a youthful intensity along with both hope and fear that I have lost a lot since then from just surviving everything that came in my life to a ripe age of 61.

The Rocks-The Earth February 1982

"Today my stress bubble burst. I left the house angry and feeling misunderstood and unjustly treated."

"I Went to Little Shell Beach to get sane. I walked down Rock Cliff and huddled in a depression of the rocks out of the wind with the sun on me. The rocks started talking to me as I cried from my frustration---in life. The rocks held me and consoled me And told me that I and all mankind were their heroes because we were a life form dying and being reborn to a new form of life. And our pain and our groping for our destiny they share with us. Our destiny is their destiny. The experience has been a very moving one for me."

This was written when I came back from this experience and it was the very first one when I realized that Rocks could talk to me because they chose to. I felt very strange about it at the time and to some degree they might have saved my life in some ways that day which is why I think they chose to speak with me in this way.

It was several years later when I was studying with a medicine man and a good friend that he began to speak of the rock people. When he mentioned them I asked him, "How long have your people known about the rock people?" He said, "As long as there have been Karoc Indians in Northern California". I asked, "What do they tell you?" He said something like, "They tell you what you need to know."
Since I was now not alone in these experiences I felt validated in this hundreds or thousands of years of lineage and tradition within the Medicine man's tribe.

After I spoke with the medicine man I walked over to a nearby stream in Siskiyou county and laid down on River rocks next to an alpine tributary of the Sacramento River at about 4000 feet in preparation for a Sweat Lodge Ceremony. At this point I had a conversation with the river rock people there that we used to heat up in the fire and that heated the sweat lodge up to 150 degrees at the very top of the lodge.

The river rocks across from Mt. Shasta said to me quite prophetically, "We are your bones, the river your blood, your breath the sky." I remember being so touched at the time by this awareness that tears came to my eyes at profoundness of what they told me. So, I lay there and experienced this fully and felt very empowered by this blessing from them.

Prop 13 part 2

The article above says that Proposition 13 in California is the root of California's problems. No. I completely disagree. Proposition 13 reduced property taxes from almost 3% of the value of a house per year and limited it to 1% of the value of a house per year. The higher tax rate caused many many suicides of people who were native Californians who were retired and couldn't keep their houses because of the insanely high property taxes.

The real culprit of our present situation was never prop 13 which was a great solution to our previous problems. The real culprit was Enron and several other companies that criminally stole utility money from California for Billions and Billions of dollars. The financing of those billions and billions of dollars that the state took on so homeowners would owe 40,000 dollars a year or something else ridiculous is what put us in our present fix. The FERC did nothing to help California or the other western states who had utility money embezzled by out of state energy companies. The end result is the state could find no way to pay back the Billions stolen by out of state energy companies through an awful loophole that the FEDS would not help close.

The state did the right thing and helped poor folks pay their crazy electrical utility bills and now not only Californians but the whole country and the world will pay the price now for that. I hope a way forward is found because the way California goes, up or down could signal what happens to all of America eventually within 10 to 25 years.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

What it's like to be an intuitive

First of all you tend to be more observant of many things than most other people. It is sort of like most people are water skiers and you are a SCUBA diver. In other words you tend to go very deep into things, people, situations, God, nature, whatever you put your attention on.

There are many people who are potential intuitives but never develop their skills because they are steered away from it by situations, people, beliefs etc.

So, for someone like me that HAD to use my gifts in order to stay alive it is like watching people with their hands tied behind their backs as if they don't even know they have hands. So, for someone like me, I know who has gifts and who actually uses them and for what purpose. But doing all that takes some time. Mostly, I just want to know who has gifts and who is using them and for what purposes. That's all I need to know to protect myself, my friends, my family from people with gifts who are uncivilized they way they use their gifts.

For example, it took me years to develop my own ethical system for using my gifts. There was really no one to teach me at the time and so mostly I just used basic chivalry and the "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So, basically I learned to be kind and mostly people are kind in return.

However, when it comes to basic survival I have learned to do whatever it takes just like everyone else on earth who survives past their 20s.

Studying with different masters in the United States, India and Nepal I found very helpful too. If you have gifts since life and God will hold you accountable for how you use these gifts one needs to seek out good teachers so as much good as possible comes from the use of your gifts.

Karma and feeling Guilty

I was talking to my old friend Bobby Jean today and realized what I was experiencing. Because I was raised blue collar and have been even as an adult for a short time without enough food to eat I empathize with poor the world around more than those who have only been rich would naturally unless they had had to experience what it is not to have food or to have any hope for a future.

It might be easy for someone raised rich to separate themselves from all others who don't have enough worldwide and just to say something like, "Well. I'm privileged because God wanted me to be and they aren't so that is just the way it is." And it is possible there is some truth to this. However, I find this a very inhumane and not a useful point of view because it only separates humans into separate camps and causes more problems than it solves now and in the future.

A more useful point of view would be: "How can I help prevent more suffering like this?"
This is Nobles Oblige(the obligation of the nobility to help those less fortunate). This is the point of view of those who demonstrate nobility and seldom found in the Nouveau riche(the newly rich).

There is a true story about my life as a child that perfectly illustrates the point I'm trying to make. I was going to a public school in Glendale, California called Horace Mann Grade School. I was 8 years old and I was walking home with a classmate of mine, a boy my age. He was complaining that he had no father, his mother didn't have a job, he didn't have a bicycle and of how unhappy he was with all his mother's boyfriends who were coming and going from his house that sometimes hit him.

Because I was young and naive and only 8 I told the boy that we had a car, a 41 buick, that had been my uncle's until he died in a plane crash in 1942. I told my friend that I had a bicycle, a good home to live in, two great parents and that I had had my own bicycle since I was 5 and that my grandmother had just given my my father's old 22 rifle that he learned to hunt with when he was 6 years old in Oregon and Washington.

My friend starting hitting me and started crying at the same time in rage. I was the same age but he was short and skinny and not as strong as me. I could have really hurt him if I wanted to. But I understood that moment I hadn't fully understood his pain so all I did was to prevent him from hurting me by fending off the blows. I felt at that moment only sorrow for this boy and didn't have the heart to hurt him back so I only blocked the blows to my face and chest. Then a very strange thing happened, my father drove up in the blue '41 Buick and picked me up and the boy ran away crying and seeing all that I said was true. My father asked me why I didn't fight back and I told him I felt sorry for the boy and didn't want to hurt him. My father respected me in a very different way from then on. He understood I was a very deep and empathetic person who saw through people to who they really were. This began a more adult relationship with my Dad. It was the beginning of a real friendship with my father. He still didn't hang out with me much but we became very close after I was 12 and he started to let me drive his cars and work trucks in his business and then I started working for him summers at age 12 as an electrician's helper as by 13 I was 5 foot 10 inches tall and a good worker.

I never saw that boy again as a friend because he was ashamed. He must have moved away or been put in an orphanage or something soon after that because I don't remember seeing him much after that in school.

This story is why I came to care about people with difficult lives and why sometimes I have felt guilty at always having both parents always, my father was always either employed or owned his own business. My parents were always my best friends and stayed together until my Dad died. But most of my friends growing up were from broken homes though I find the most successful both in life and relationships always had both parents growing up.

But in the end some have everything and some do not. The only way I can make any sense of this is karma and the only way this makes sense is if you believe in reincarnation.

All other systems just seem illogical and completely arbitrary and unfair so I tend to believe in karma and reincarnation because this just makes sense. Is it useful to believe there is no order at all to the universe? Not for me. Such thinking in the end only leads to self destruction. So in order to succeed and to have a reason to continue to succeed in even staying alive I think one needs to believe in kindness and some kind of order. Without a sense of kindness and order I see no reason at all to live or even to choose to live. So what I'm actually saying here is that whether there actually is a reason to stay alive or not one must believe there is not to commit suicide. So if you want to stay alive you need to find something to believe in. It can even be nature or yourself but you need something to believe in to stay alive.