Surviving

There have been many times in life (especially when I was younger than 30) that I had absolutely nothing to keep me alive but the sheer strength of my will and whatever I had learned about enough to survive whatever came in my life. After I was 30 I made generally better decisions (but not always). The main reason I made better decisions after 30 was what I had already survived and the fact that I didn't smoke or drink or do drugs. I found that "like my father" I preferred to have my brain working so I could make better decisions ongoing. Even though this can be quite painful to have to face different aspects of life like when you are in physical or mental pain or when parents or friends die or are injured or when your children might be injured temporarily or your mate might be injured or sick. But generally, even though you have to take the pain full on if you believe in God it helps a lot to lessen the pain of life so often you can persevere through almost anything if you have faith in something bigger than yourself taking care of you and your family. So, often when I would go to sleep and something serious was going on in my life I would say to God, "Please God! If it is your will let me die tonight." I would release my soul out of my body to God and I would wake up renewed and reborn in the morning. It was always like dying and even if things weren't better in the morning at least I had a new and renewed way of looking at absolutely everything when I woke up the next morning!