Sacrifice

I met a gentleman in Mt. Shasta recently who said he was from Glastonbury, England. I was sharing about my childhood with him and my daughter and he said to me, "Your life was a sacrifice, wasn't it?"

My reaction to this comment really surprised me because he was so sincere and insightful and I said, "My parents meant well but I know what you mean."

Today I thought more about how so many of us are sacrifices in our lives whether we are conditioned to be soldiers like "Lieutenant Dan" in "Forrest Gump" or we are prepared for the Priesthood or ministry from birth or we are trained to take care of our parents when they get old like many younger daughters are instead of getting married themselves. Many of our lives are sacrifices in this sense.

I thought more about this today and realized just how much of our lives is a "Sacrifice". Many in the 1960s and 1970s during the social revolutions that went worldwide questioned all of these sacrifices and tried to eliminate the ones we thought weren't useful to the human race ongoing. And some agreed with us and some didn't. The result is the world today.

I prefer to see my parents as sincere rather than "someone who tortured me in an extreme religion" which might be what some of my relatives thought who were not religious at all.

And I remember the look in my Grandfather's eye worried about me when I was definitely feeling suicidal and being 21. This had always what he had been afraid of for me. That it would all come to this. And I'm sure he took it out on my father because eventually within a few years my father gave up on the religion that failed me when I needed it to come through for me instead.

I was one of the few survivors of the social revolution that were asked to leave by my church. Most of the rest actually committed suicide directly or indirectly. Some who weren't born and raised in the religion survived who came in as adults and were asked to leave. But, none survived that I know of who were asked to leave after being born and raised in the religion but me.

I always knew my parents religion was more important to them than I was. This was a given. I sort of wondered why they had me if the religion was the most important part of their lives. They were put in charge of a church when I just turned 6 years old and were in charge until I was 12. So, I spent a lot of time being cared for by my grandmother, except on Saturdays and vacations when I was older than 4 years of age.

So, being bored forced to go to church a lot was my life sometimes until I just sort of insisted not being there so much. When your parents are in charge of a church it isn't just Sundays and Sunday school it is Tuesdays and Wednesdays and Thursdays and then the Youth Groups on Friday night (which I kind of liked because I got to meet people my own age especially after I was 10 and older on Friday nights.)

And conferences in Shasta Springs (next to Mt. Shasta) and in Santa Fe, New Mexico and in Chicago were kind of fun too. Because then I would meet people from all over the world who often came to these religious conferences.

But, in the end I was a sacrifice. First for my parents being gone all the time. 2nd because of having to be raised in a religion. And third, growing up, thinking for myself and getting kicked out of my church for being intelligent enough to ask important, relevant and good questions.

In any church there are thousands of questions you are never supposed to ask: EVER!

So, when you ask these questions they might say, "Don't call us. We'll call you."

By the way no one could answer any of my questions either. But, eventually I could answer them all for myself. It just took some time to research things myself. Like about 20 to 30 years.