Dealing with Abandonment Issues

Dealing with Abandonment

Since most of the human race deals with this issue in one form or another I thought I would share some progress with this in my family both individually and collectively. In this way it may shed light on this subject that is needed inside you and your family’s awareness.

Abandonment at least to me is a sort of neutral thing. Though it affects those of us who feel abandoned by whatever person or situation we are dealing with, often one cannot fully be sure if one was abandoned consciously and therefore maliciously or whether the abandonment experienced was more accidental caused by someone thinking in some other direction, being self centered rather than thinking of others in that moment or whatever.

So, when one feels abandoned for whatever reason at whatever the age old or young one often cannot figure out whether that sense of abandonment came from something real or even planned or whether it was just a sort of unfortunate abandonment on someone else’s part.

In this blog article I’m not so much trying to deal with a person(especially a child) that is left physically alone in the middle of nowhere to die, but of feeling that one’s needs have not been met for whatever the reason, either physically or emotionally during their lives by others who should have (hopefully) known better.

My 21 year old daughter was telling me that she thought I needed to look at all the abandonment issues coming along my mother’s family line for maybe the last 100 years. I did so and it made me feel very uncomfortable. But since parents will do almost anything to keep their kids in their lives, I listened carefully to what she had to say even though it made me uncomfortable in the extreme. I told her that I knew that she and my wife were sincere in this but that I wasn’t sure how helpful all this was going to be to me and that it all made me very uncomfortable because I didn’t know what to do with it in any useful sense.

However, during the night I guess my subconscious worked on it and when I woke up this morning I was very surprised. What I got was that I didn’t feel abandoned as a child I felt betrayed, treated unfaithfully, lied to and that a lot of this was based upon the historic ignorance of most members of the human race down through history. So, I woke up angry in a way that wouldn’t have been useful to me if my parents were still alive. So, feeling betrayed by my parents even if this wasn’t their intention was what I felt. I felt betrayed that their religion was so much more important than I was to them that when I was excommunicated from our religion at age 21 they didn’t understand the problem I was having with everything. And, even worse this caused me to abandon myself at age 21 and seriously consider suicide which I would have actually done except that I believed this would dishonor God and because I could not do that to my parents. They had already been through enough.
So, though I have always felt that my parents abandoned me for their religion, I now see this as a natural progression of post traumatic stress disorder created by child abuse in both my parents lives as children. And because I see many extreme religions as populated by people having suffered child abuse of one form or another it all makes perfect sense to me now even though I still have to deal with the problems of my life that were caused by all this and to try to not pass all this down to yet another generation.

So, my problem seems to be defined as: “How do I not pass on issues of abandonment down to another generation?”. How do I make it all stop here?