Tribal

I couldn't think of a better title because what I experienced was a relative anomaly in the United States today in 2010. It was the end of the Breakthrough Conference that I attended. I had gone through the peer counseling training around the year 2000. And though I had been to another conference held at the St. Francis Retreat Center in San Juan Batista in Northern California there then, nothing really prepared me for this except all the alternative kinds of experiences of the late 1960s through the 1980s. The closest experience was when I was at a New Age dance where sort of like square dancing we kept changing partners and as we changed partners in a formalized way we looked into their eyes and said, "I bow to the God within you. I bow to your beauty of God!" I remember after that dance after having about 25 very beautiful women saying this to me and me to them whether it was contrived or not I felt like I flew out the door and down the street. Only in some formalized kinds of tribal dancing is this level of formalized group amazingness experienced.

Only this time it was among all men at an iron man male bonding and psychologically and spiritually transforming weekend. Though we were mostly straight men those that were gay or bisexual were not put down were not ostracized but were accepted as men within the group. So heterosexual like myself with a family of children from age 36 to 14 years of age, to other men with families like myself to heterosexual men who were single to bisexual men to openly gay men to closeted men, we all accepted each other as men and as equals and as friends helping each other out with all the problems that men have trying to survive in a very unfriendly world. In other words men supporting men sometimes through truly awful things as well as sharing the joy of just being men together like a family of brothers. We were literally a band of brothers without a war, unless the war was within each of us and each of us were trying to make peace with ourselves and each other.

This time there wasn't dancing. Instead it was like a tribe of men preparing for battle. It was as if we all might die and we were saying goodbye to our brothers maybe for the last time. The 80 or 90 of us formed a circle in the Chapel at the St. Francis Retreat Center. We formed two circles an outer circle and an inner circle. We were directed to stand facing the man in front of us and to reach out and put our hand on the man facing us' heart. After staring in kindness and strength  into each other, we shook hands as we each stepped to the left and greeted the next man with our hand on his heart and his on ours. In the background was playing native American flute music. It felt like we were a tribe of men preparing for battle and that some of us wouldn't make it and we were saying goodbye maybe for the last time for some of us.

As I moved through the 80 to 90 men one at a time (about 15 to 30 seconds each) some were crying, some were happy, some were scared and shaking just being brave enough to do this. I found myself as a 62 year old father figure having faced death so many times in my life as one of the most fearless and strong there. As I looked into the minds and souls of all these men if they were scared I said to them telepathically, "It's okay. I won't hurt you. You are safe." To some I said, "I know you are gay. I'm not. But I won't hurt you like others did. I accept your gayness." To others, I said telepathically. "Be strong. You will make it. I know your life is hard. Be strong. You are not alone." To others I said, "You and I have both been through hell. Haven't we? But we are still here. None of them could kill us, could they?" To the youngest scared to death whether they were gay or straight or bi I said telepathically, "Don't give up. I've seen hard times like these before. I know it looks bad but if you don't give up you'll find a way to survive it, to make it through. If I can survive what I went through YOu can too."
To others I said telepathically, "I'm strong. Maybe you'll be okay to know someone my age has made it this far already. Be strong. You'll make it. Be strong."

And on and on and on. After going through formally 80 or 90 men, many of the men had tears streaming down their faces from the intensity of this experience and the contradiction of this experience to all the others in their lives. To have this much love and mutual respect for a group of men one for another  only really happens in wartime or a gang other than this healthy way for men to bond and to become brothers by learning peer counseling and helping each other to survive the bad things in their lives.  May all men learn to become a worldwide band of brothers. If this happens war will end. I know it's idealistic but realities always start with a dream!