There is a code among boys and as far as I know it has always been this way. This is the code. If someone molests you no other boy or man has a right to out you that this actually happened to you. So, when it comes to this happening to a boy under 12 years of age this is the way it has always been. The reason for this must be obvious to most because if it was any other way many of those boys would have been candidates for suicide and ridicule and many would have died and most would have been permanently and psychologically destroyed in one way or another for life. So, this code has always existed so some of those boys can survive to manhood and hopefully most can have normal or somewhat normal lives.
However, what is happening at Penn State right now is not surprising. There is a saying, "Absolute Power corrupts absolutely". And this is just another example of how this works. When I was a boy there was a man who drove Semi Trucks for my church all around the U.S. and Canada. He would haul whatever needed to be hauled. In fact, he moved my parents and I in one of the church's Semi from San Diego to Tujunga because my parents were put in charge as Lay ministers of my family's church there in 1954. They stayed in charge of the church in Los Angeles until my mother's father passed away at which time my mother had a nervous breakdown(that is what we called that level of grief then).
However, this man was a very sweet man and one of the kindest and most helpful people I have ever met. Everyone loved him and many women in my church asked him to marry them. However, he wasn't interested in any of them in that way because it turns out all he liked was little boys from about 5 years of age to 12 years of age. So, from at least the 1950s through the 1970s up to 10 boys at a time would stay with him during the church conclaves. They were his little helpers who followed him around and learned to be truck drivers and loaders and helpers. Mostly single mothers from around the country like having a male influence on their sons and let them stay with this kindly truck driver sometimes for 6 weeks or more. Often boys would compete to be able to stay with the kindly truck driver.
This truck driver knew that if he ever molested me likely my father would kill him. My father was a no nonsense kind of person that people knew not to mess with in any way. My father was always making everyone laugh but everyone knew he was a warrior. So, the truck driver never molested me. However, he did molest my 5 years older cousin who then molested me when I was 8. So you see how this chain reaction occurs in some. I was lucky because this only happened once. So, the short term effect was that I was angry at my cousin because he had lied to me. Because I had no real idea what had taken place because at age 8 I didn't know anyone but mommies and daddies could have sex. I didn't know until I was about 10 and watched 2 dogs copulate. I was delivering newspapers on my paper route. I felt funny after that and didn't understand why. Then I went home and went back to sleep and woke up in my first epileptic seizure that morning. I never spoke with anyone about any of this because I was too ashamed once I had figured it all out. At age 29 after my first divorce I outed my cousin in front of his wife. They later broke up. Looking back on this I feel bad about having broken up their marriage. That was not my intention. I simply wanted justice for having my innocence stolen from me at age 8.
I have talked to other boys that my cousin said were molested by this man. They are all in denial of it because it is more useful. One in particular I noticed did not stay married or could not stay married likely partly because of this. I noticed another boy I grew up with who was molested by another man in my church later confided in me that he was always gay and knew it but got married twice anyway because he couldn't have anyone in the church know it. So, there are many aspects to all this.
Churches tend to hide all this sort of stuff from everyone. I think everyone is trying to live in the church(whatever church it is) fairy tale. Yes. It is nice to live in a fairy tale. The only problem is that fairy tales don't really exist anywhere in space and time in reality. And only people who are pragmatic enough to understand this actually survive very well anywhere in space and time. We would all like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy to exist but in reality they don't really except in our imaginations. But, does the spirit of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy exist? I'd have to say yes. But this level of critical thinking is necessary for boys and girls not to be molested by the hangers on to all types of powerful institutions. Remember always, institutions like Churches and Universities and Governments and Corporations are all victim to the addage, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". And your brothers and sisters and you and all your children and grandchildren are all the potential victims of this abuse.
If you are molested it will affect every aspect of your life. It depends upon what age it happens and what is going on in your life at that time and who you are internally how it manifest later. However, sometime in your 20s or 30s it might be good to go see a psychologist so they can explain to you some of the things that can happen to people who are molested as children.
I was very lucky. I was only molested once that was even before I knew or understood what was happening to me at age 8. So, the effect on my life was mostly that I had trouble trusting anyone to be there for me ongoing. But then my issue from being a only little child was always "abandonment" because my parents worked 7 days a week at their jobs and running their church so I almost never saw them as I was raised by my Scottish Grandmother mostly. So, abandonment was my issue even before this happened. So, if you have been molested try to see a therapist you trust as an adult so you can make some sense of it and feel in control of your life and being the architect of your life rather than always feeling like a victim. Everyone needs to feel empowered to accomplish anything useful. Good Luck!
And also something to think about. The more right wing and politically conservative that group or organization is, the less likely the boy will survive either physically or psychologically if he is stupid enough to talk about it. This is one of the unfortunate things about this. Psychologically speaking the more that organization that the boy is molested within is against abortion, for example, the less likely that boy will survive physically or psychologically. This is not a comment on whether abortion is a good or a bad thing, this is a comment on what actually happens in real life. Because of the previous well known fact, the more conservative and anti-abortion the group, church or organization is, the less likely that boy will out himself as having been molested in order to bring the guilty parties to justice. Because the boy or his family or friends will know he either will not be believed or could even be done away with to hide the witness and evidence. My real question to you is: How many boys have been killed over the last several thousand years in order to silence them worldwide? And also, right along with this, how many girls were silenced permanently as well? It is our responsibility as thinking adults to find ways to prevent any more molestations or deaths around the world both now and in the future in any way that we can.
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