It's unique to each person what motivates them I guess. But, staying alive just for myself I wasn't ever really interested in. I had a lot of girls falling in love with me but at some level I wasn't in love with myself. I suppose all men can be narcissistic and it goes with just surviving as a male here on earth the way things have always been. It's very very paradoxical to be a man at best anyway.
In some ways it seems like both men and women want to be men in some ways but then they get that right and then they want to kill themselves because it's just too much responsibility to carry for anyone.
It's sort of like the "Captain going down with the ship" sort of thinking that I was given as a boy in the 1950s. It's just too much weight to carry unless you are into suicide or something.
So, I had to give all that stuff up to go on with my life.
But, somehow the birth of my son gave me the strength to go on living. I had a reason to stay alive now and not all that narcissistic stuff that only is going to make most men crazy and off themselves anyway.
For me, having women falling in love with me wasn't helpful to my staying alive in a body that much.
I needed someone who needed me like a son or a daughter to have all this stuff really make sense to me. So, once my son was born and then my other children eventually I could start businesses to support them financially and send them to college and I was okay.
But, I had to first have a son and get married to get to this useful place for me.
And I was always okay after that.
By God's Grace
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