The timing of my father's death was not good for me because I was 37 and just entering Middle Aged Crazy when he died. So, this just amplified my feeling of loss of youth. Then I went rock climbing on cliffs by the ocean thinking that if I fell I would just fall into the ocean so I wouldn't need ropes. Remember here I was 37 and thinking still like I was 20 or 25. So, I did likely only a class 4 or class 5 move and it ripped out the muscles from the back of my right knee and I feel about 20 to 30 feet into the ocean. The problem with this was that I couldn't swim because my right leg was gone for all intents and purposes. So, I almost drowned trying to get to shore. Then I got to shore and the little waves were drowning me close to shore. Then my wife and 3 kids wondering why I was swimming with my clothes on in the freezing waters of Northern California (not freezing likely only in the 50s) but that's still cold if you aren't expecting it and aren't wearing a wet or dry suit for surfing or scuba or free diving. So, I was a mess. This happened around the time of my father's passing too.
So, NOT Feeling young anymore and immortal started to be a problem around then. Then I also around this same time (within a year or two) pulled my left hamstring skiing. I felt the ice put me into the splits but then I thought i could recover and then hit more ice and I was down in the splits and I had torn my left hamstring. I couldn't really walk or ski well and there weren't cell phones then and also I found I could barely ski on my right ski while dragging my left ski sort of like and outrigger canoe or something. It was excruciatingly painful but I made it the several miles out to where my car was on metal edged mountaineering skis. But, the next 6 months of recovery were awful.
So, my father's passing along with these two accidents made me feel my age (and in some ways this was good. But, it took 13 years from the time of my father's passing until I got a heart virus and was forced to retire or die myself to get over middle Aged Crazy. I went even went through a divorce partly because of my father's passing too. I had foreseen this in a deja vu and I was really upset my marriage was going to end. But, at this point I understand because I remarried and now have been married to her for 26 years which is better than the last 7 years I spent with my ex-wife.
Life is very strange. The first 7 years with my ex-wife were maybe the best in my life but the 2nd 7 years with my ex-wife were the very worst in my life so Go figure?
Life is unpredictable at best. So, we all have to find ways to survive our lives or we don't.
I see life sort of as a science experiment ongoing. I loved science experiments in grade school and Junior high and science was my favorite subject just because of all the amazing things you could do and learn about the physical universe. This love of science has helped keep me alive this long along with "The Grace of God" which is the real reason we all are alive every moment.
From my point of view it's a miracle every moment we are still alive. If you would have had happen to you everything that has happened to me you might see every moment as a miracle too.
By God's Grace
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