Are men really clueless about sexual harassment?

Yes. is the best answer I have for this question. As a man I think I sort of can answer this. But, let me break

it down better for you. 1/3 of men are not clueless at all. 1/3 of men are sort of clueless. 1/3 of men are totally clueless because they are too narcissistic. It's caused by what I call testosterone poisoning. 

Women. Listen to this. Imagine if you wanted an ice Cream sundae more than anything else in that moment and you were a child willing to do anything or say anything to get it? The men totally clueless are actually like this. As a man I have met many men exactly like this and they have no impulse control at all.

Then the next 1/3 (which is most men on earth) are just sort of clueless. They realize there are boundaries there and most of the time they figure it out. But, sometimes even they get surprised by their instincts too.

So, thinking of women as Ice cream sundaes that like children men cannot live without might be the best way for you to understand this in the language of a child for the narcissistic upper 1/3 of men who ARE COMPLETELY CLUELESS! So, when you have a powerful man who is like a Trump or a Roy Moore or a Harvey Weinstein it is a complete and utter disaster for any women pretty or desirable enough for them to want to have as an ice cream sundae.

By the way at different times in my life I would put myself in the either "Not clueless at all" or the "Sort of Clueless" category depending upon what age I was when we are talking about this. But, I also knew men who were so egotistic and narcissistic that women were only toys to play with UNLESS we are talking about their mothers or wives or sisters.

So, basically you are talking about bridling 1/3 of the men on earth! Good Luck!

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Opinion: Are men clueless on harassment?

 

Are men really clueless about sexual harassment?

By Peggy Drexler

Updated 4:52 PM ET, Wed November 22, 2017

Hollywood hit hard by sexual allegations 03:14

Story highlights

• Peggy Drexler: Setting aside flat-out predators, some men let gender role confusion override knowing right from wrong
• Drexler: That's no longer an excuse, and all of society needs to make this crystal clear to men and women

Peggy Drexler is the author of "Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, and the Changing American Family" and "Raising Boys Without Men." The opinions expressed in this commentary are hers.

(CNN)Six weeks after the first stories broke alleging that Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein engaged in a decadeslong pattern of sexual harassment (he denies it), the list of men accused of similar acts keeps getting longer. Some offer denials, but others offer more nuanced "explanations":

Charlie Rose, for example, apologized but added, "I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken." Sen. Al Franken apologized, too, but Michigan Rep. John Conyers only offered, through a spokesman: "The former staffer voluntarily decided to drop the case." Pixar's John Lasseter apologized and said, in part, "No matter how benign my intent, everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and have them respected."

Meanwhile, the Alabama Republican party has reiterated its support of Senate candidate Roy Moore (as has President Trump), who faces allegations of sexual abuse (he denies them), and the number of women accusing former President George H.W. Bush of groping has reached a whopping eight. Responding to four of the allegations last month, Bush's spokesman "explained" that elder Bush "has patted women's rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner," and apologized. For the more recent allegations, he offered no comment.

Silverman: Victims the only people who matter 01:21

These and the many other men against whom allegations have been made -- some quite a bit more serious than patting "women's rears" -- are all ambitious, smart, powerful men -- surely men whom one would think might know better than to behave in this way. In some instances, famous men are alleged to have forced their tongues into an unwilling woman's mouth, walked around naked, or pulled out their penises to show around.

So why do they do it? And why are there so many? As was proved by the viral #metoo campaign, which saw hundreds of thousands of women sharing their own stories of sexual assault, the problem is rampant; sadly, less an exception than the rule.

One possible explanation points to a deeply ingrained, hard to shake and society-wide sexism that teaches men that women are less dominant. Many men -- and women, for that matter --still believe men do the asking out and the chasing (often, too, the paying for dinner).

Setting aside the flat-out predators who walk among us, this misunderstanding of men's roles may lead some men, especially those in the throes of sexual attraction, to let their desires override their intellect and their knowledge of what is wrong and what is right.

It would be nice to imagine that, in 2017, sexism is an outdated notion in the mainstream: After all, this is the same culture that created not just "The Bachelor" but also "The Bachelorette." Times have changed, right? As Harvey Weinstein put it in his official statement, "I came of age in the '60s and '70s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture then."

Sexual harassment tipping point: Why now? 02:52

And yet there's SO MUCH evidence it's the culture now, too. We've only got to look at the defeat of a highly qualified, highly prepared, definitely female presidential candidate by a less qualified male opponent (himself, let's not forget, accused of sexual assault by multiple women; he denies it) as proof that sexism lives on. That he largely based his campaign on bluster and bullying -- and was elected by 52% of men and 41% of women -- only strengthens the point.

Another explanation for the problem of sexual harassment, and one that similarly has roots in sexism, is that we still have a hard time defining (or agreeing on) what constitutes sexual harassment and assault.

A small recent survey by car-selling app Instamotor found that many men aren't clear on what sexual harassment is. Two in every three men surveyed didn't think repeated unwanted invitations to drinks, dinner, or dates was sexual harassment. One in five didn't think sexual harassment should be a fireable offense.

What if ... ambitious women weren't targets for 'great men'

What's more, many such behaviors are learned: In one story that ran on NPR, a "reformed catcaller" described growing up watching older men he admired holler at women in his Brooklyn neighborhood. "All my life I heard girls are cats and boys are dogs ...," he said. "Hollering at women on the street was what guys were supposed to do, or so I thought."

Certainly, many of the accusations we've all been hearing over the past weeks seem to extend well beyond gray areas. But if there is confusion about those gray areas -- that is, what defines harassment at all -- it's possible there could be confusion about what is absolutely off-limits, and what is, perhaps, part of some men's archaic or delusional idea of the male-female mating dance.

No woman asks to be assaulted or harassed -- or touched in a manner that makes her feel uncomfortable. And yet, how else to explain the Bush family spokesman admitting the former president of the United States would often "pat women's rears" in a "good-natured manner" as "David Cop-a-feel"?

We need 'extreme vetting' for toxic masculinity

Which means we need to do a better job making damn sure every single man -- and woman -- is clear about what constitutes inappropriate behavior.

That's hopefully what the current conversation will do. In addition to holding men accountable for their past actions, it will open up dialogue so that misunderstanding is no longer an acceptable excuse. Because let it be known: Whether you're a man or a woman, good-natured rear-patting of someone you aren't 100% sure would welcome it is never as good-natured as you might like to believe.