'Helicopter parents' have more meaningful lives, study finds
Child-centric parents say they derive more happiness than those who are less involved in their children's lives, researchers say
Helicopter parents get a buzz out of hovering over their children, researchers found Photo: Alamy
9:04PM GMT 31 Oct 2013
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“Helicopter parents” who sacrifice their time, money and personal pleasures
for their children have happier and more meaningful lives than those who are
more hands-off, research suggests.
Mothers and fathers who hover over their children, constantly trying to
resolve their problems and prevent them from coming to harm, get a buzz out
it, psychologists say.
While such parents have been criticised for putting too much pressure on their
offspring and stopping
them from learning how to deal with failure, their parenting style
does not appear to be affecting their own well-being.
On the contrary, a study found that "child-centric" parents derived more
happiness and meaning from parenthood than those who were less involved.
Researchers led by Dr Clare Ashton-James, from VU University Amsterdam in the
Netherlands, conducted two psychological studies with a total of 322 parents.
In one, participants were asked questions about their parenting style and
rated for child centrism.
They then took part in a survey to measure the happiness and meaning they experienced from having children.
The second study asked parents to list their activities from the previous day and report how they felt during each one.
The findings showed that more child-centric parents had greater positive feelings, fewer negative feelings, and experienced more meaning in life during childcare activities.
Child centrism was associated both with protective "helicopter parents" and "little emperor" parents, who spoil their children with material goods.
Writing in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, the researchers said: "A controversial feature of modern parenting is child centrism, the tendency for parents to prioritise their children's well-being above their own.
"It has been suggested that child-centric parenting in its various forms may undermine parental well-being.
“Contrary to popular belief, more child-centric parents reported deriving more happiness and meaning from parenthood."
Their findings came as a report by a children’s book publisher warned that some parents were filling every minute of their children's days with activities on mobile phones, iPads and computers to stop them getting bored, but leaving them with no quiet moment for reading.
The report by Egmont UK, published today, found that many children took their phones to bed and played computer games or sent text messages there instead of opening a book.
The publisher urged parents to limit the amount of time their children spent in front of a screen and reintroduce them to the “art of being still.”
Alison David, Egmont’s consumer insight director, told the London Evening Standard: “Screens have found a way into every part of life. We have to say ‘enough is enough’.
“It is almost like those quiet moments where you are at a loss and think ‘what shall I do?’ don’t exist any more.
“Reading needs these quiet times to take root and for children to gain the habit.”
end quote from:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/10419159/Helicopter-parents-have-more-meaningful-lives-study-finds.html
My father was not a helicopter parent. In fact, he never really wanted to become a parent at all. But that was just his generation's way of looking at things. My mother and her mother that lived with us were both helicopter Mother and helicopter grandmother. My mother ran a church from the time I was 6 to 12 along with my father so I didn't see them much except on weekends. And even then my father always had some project or other building something going on. So, unless we were traveling or hiking or swimming at the beach I didn't interact with my father much until I was 10 or 12 years old. Then he wanted me to become his best friend and in some ways he was my best friend too then. Other boys often were jealous of the relationship my father and I had, especially boys I knew who didn't have a father growing up. So, in some ways he sort of adopted these boys at times when we hiked in the wilderness all over California on weekends after I was 10 or 12 years old. Though I wasn't a Boy Scout I had a lot of the same kinds of wilderness experiences that they did and my father trained me to survive literally any kind of situation and taught me how to notice landmarks so I would never get lost anywhere I was on earth. But, he always said, "Don't go into a high forest where you can't see other landmarks unless you really know the area because you can really get lost in places like that fast."
When I grew up I became a helicopter parent because my main issue from my Dad not being there from birth to about 8 or 10 that much was abandonment. Sometimes I felt this from my mother too. So, even though we all loved each other and demonstrated that love and respect in our family, my grandmother stayed alive to raise me and my mother and father's lives revolved more around their church that they ran and my father's Electrical Contracting Business that he owned.
They then took part in a survey to measure the happiness and meaning they experienced from having children.
The second study asked parents to list their activities from the previous day and report how they felt during each one.
The findings showed that more child-centric parents had greater positive feelings, fewer negative feelings, and experienced more meaning in life during childcare activities.
Child centrism was associated both with protective "helicopter parents" and "little emperor" parents, who spoil their children with material goods.
Writing in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, the researchers said: "A controversial feature of modern parenting is child centrism, the tendency for parents to prioritise their children's well-being above their own.
"It has been suggested that child-centric parenting in its various forms may undermine parental well-being.
“Contrary to popular belief, more child-centric parents reported deriving more happiness and meaning from parenthood."
Their findings came as a report by a children’s book publisher warned that some parents were filling every minute of their children's days with activities on mobile phones, iPads and computers to stop them getting bored, but leaving them with no quiet moment for reading.
The report by Egmont UK, published today, found that many children took their phones to bed and played computer games or sent text messages there instead of opening a book.
The publisher urged parents to limit the amount of time their children spent in front of a screen and reintroduce them to the “art of being still.”
Alison David, Egmont’s consumer insight director, told the London Evening Standard: “Screens have found a way into every part of life. We have to say ‘enough is enough’.
“It is almost like those quiet moments where you are at a loss and think ‘what shall I do?’ don’t exist any more.
“Reading needs these quiet times to take root and for children to gain the habit.”
end quote from:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/10419159/Helicopter-parents-have-more-meaningful-lives-study-finds.html
My father was not a helicopter parent. In fact, he never really wanted to become a parent at all. But that was just his generation's way of looking at things. My mother and her mother that lived with us were both helicopter Mother and helicopter grandmother. My mother ran a church from the time I was 6 to 12 along with my father so I didn't see them much except on weekends. And even then my father always had some project or other building something going on. So, unless we were traveling or hiking or swimming at the beach I didn't interact with my father much until I was 10 or 12 years old. Then he wanted me to become his best friend and in some ways he was my best friend too then. Other boys often were jealous of the relationship my father and I had, especially boys I knew who didn't have a father growing up. So, in some ways he sort of adopted these boys at times when we hiked in the wilderness all over California on weekends after I was 10 or 12 years old. Though I wasn't a Boy Scout I had a lot of the same kinds of wilderness experiences that they did and my father trained me to survive literally any kind of situation and taught me how to notice landmarks so I would never get lost anywhere I was on earth. But, he always said, "Don't go into a high forest where you can't see other landmarks unless you really know the area because you can really get lost in places like that fast."
When I grew up I became a helicopter parent because my main issue from my Dad not being there from birth to about 8 or 10 that much was abandonment. Sometimes I felt this from my mother too. So, even though we all loved each other and demonstrated that love and respect in our family, my grandmother stayed alive to raise me and my mother and father's lives revolved more around their church that they ran and my father's Electrical Contracting Business that he owned.
