Marriage killing mistakes women often make

Note: My present wife and a friend's girlfriend that were visiting complained that I didn't give 8 reasons. I told them the "8 reasons" is not my article but instead an article I quoted which inspired me to write this article. So, I'm not writing 8 killing reasons. Instead I'm sharing what killed my first two marriages from my point of view after experiencing it firsthand. And the mistakes women often make men are often making too by not asking the right questions of their wives to be before they marry. But, usually you have stars in your eyes then so God Help You both.

8 Marriage-Killing Mistakes Women Make

I have been married 3 times now, one for 4 years in my 20s, one for 15 years from age 32 to age 45 and one from age 46 to the present (about 20 years now living together or married). I was looking at this article I quoted and realized I should share what for me killed my first two marriages:

Here is what for me killed my first two marriages.

1st marriage:
First, we got married too young. She was 21 and I was 26.
Then she got pregnant. I was old enough to be a responsible parent.
She was not because of growing up in foster homes from age 9
because her mother got too ill to care for her and her sister and her brother.

So, we divorced when she was 26 and I was 29. She gave me legal custody of my then 3 year old son. So I became a single parent.

2nd marriage

She had been abused by her family and I didn't understand this when we married.
So, even though she was from a wealthy family there were problems I didn't understand
when we married.

The coup de Grace (blow of death) to our marriage after 15 years came actually 5 years
into the marriage when my father died. I realized when my father died that I would not
be with my then wife the rest of my life. That could only have worked if my father stayed
alive. I was 37 when my father died. We stayed together even though my wife continued to
Put Down my father and this only made me more and more passive aggressive in a very unhealthy
way. In other words my loyalty to my father was more important to me than my loyalty to my wife. She could not understand this so this became a problem for our marriage. You don't put down someone who was God to you growing up sort of like a John Wayne. My father's good memory was more important to me than my relationship with my wife. This was reality for me always.

So, if my  now ex-wife could have avoided putting down my dead father after he was dead could
our marriage have lasted (maybe and maybe not). However, after my father passed away
the only way I stayed married was for our children. However, at a certain point both
my wife and I were disgusted with each other which mostly came by us both forcing
ourselves to be married "For the children". Presently, we have not spoken to each other for
about 5 to 10 years. We have been divorced now since 1994.

Part of this is my  ex-wife taking the traditional approach to divorce which is to blame the husband
for everything. Basically, most men call this living in denial. Who is right? It's all about what gender you are or are loyal to. When I grew up men and women were different species and communicated completely differently about everything(and still do) unless they are gay. And that is a whole different question I'm not dealing with here.

For me to get psychologically healthy about all this I went into counseling after realizing that 50% of the problem was hers and 50% of the problem was mine. I'm not sure she ever will get counseling and might still blame me for everything which makes me worry about her still.

I still have a good and healthy relationship with my first wife. We talk on the phone and exchange emails, Texts and Christmas cards still and we share our 40 year old son. who now has a bachelor of Science degree, is married and I'm now a grandfather and my son is a teacher.

The last 7 years of my 2nd marriage were the loneliest years of my life even though I was still "married" with children. The kids kept telling us we should divorce but we weren't really listening to them as we thought it was helping them if we stayed together.

Looking back now I see this is wrong. Likely I wouldn't have almost died from a heart virus around age 50 if my 2nd wife and I had had the courage to break up and get a divorce maybe 7 years before we did. My health might be much better now in my late 60s if I had gotten a divorce 7 years earlier. But, when you have children how to you rationalize all this? I'm not sure I could have lived with myself if I divorced then. Because I'm not sure I could have honored this decision. So, in the end it is whatever you can live with or die because of.

So, for many it is literally "Till death do us part" and that's not always a good thing.

I remember standing up there getting married for the 3rd time and I sort of felt like fainting then in December 1995. People told me I looked like I was going to faint then in December 1995. We got married in Yosemite and we were going to have a baby. So, it was time to get married again. A few years later I almost died from a Heart virus. Do I regret getting married again? My third marriage is probably one of the best things I ever did in my life next to standing by all my children through thick and thin if they wanted me there for them.

Like my cousin said to me, "You just kept trying until you got it right! You never gave up."

Nope I never gave up. Some people do and mostly they don't live very long.

There's a joke a friend tells: "There's the quick and the lonely."

or as I would say, "Timing is everything in all relationships."