I didn't expect in life what other people expected

I think it's because I had whooping cough and almost died at 2 and then I had blunt trauma childhood epilepsy from ages 10 to 15. I remember coming home from my 4 to 6 AM Newspaper route delivering newspapers on my bicycle only to fall asleep and to wake up on the floor with my mother holding my head in her hands. (I had had my first night time seizure) and she told me I had had a bad dream and nothing else to reassure me and told me to go back to sleep. I knew I had definitely had a bad nightmare of someone strangling me with a black hand in my dreams (like a ghost) but I didn't die. But, this sort of thing continued then for about 5 years (only while I was asleep). Over time I realized I was experiencing being murdered over and over again and this was very traumatic. Finally, at age 15 I asked God to come live in my body with me as I didn't want to die and he did. But, I wouldn't recommend having God live with you in your body like I did simply because it is just too overwhelming to experience this 24 hours a day. It took me until I was 30 years old to fully cope with God living in my body and to feel that I had done a good thing for myself and all beings on earth by doing this when I was 15. Supernaturally, it was just too extreme an experience for most people to actually survive. After this, I sort of understood what the prophets and Jesus went through in the Old and New Testament and I was extremely grateful that God allowed me to be a "Secret" emissary of his all over the earth rather than a really public one like ones in the Old or New Testament. So, at least I didn't have to be physically tortured or die, just emotionally and physically tortured and spiritual tortured in some ways with God living with me in this way all these years.

People have no idea what it is like to go through something like this generally speaking. And these days so many people have written off God entirely that sometimes it feels strange to write about this. Even though this is all true and my real and true experiences. But, anyway, I really identify with beings mostly like Moses likely the most because my experiences in some ways were the most similar to Moses in my life. (like finding the Burning Bush on Mt. Shasta) and stuff like this. (Yes. There is a Burning Bush on Mt. Shasta likely the same kind that Moses visited on his mountain.

By God's Grace

Note: The reason I originally wrote this was just to share with you that I never expected to have a normal life because God lived inside of me. And I haven't. But, what I can tell you is that I have lived each moment since I have been 15 Only by the Grace of God.

Even my first seizure led to me not being drafted and going to Viet nam as a soldier and dying or coming home maimed on the inside or the outside. So, that was Grace too.

So, almost dying from ages 10 to 15 almost killed me and then God has lived with me in my body ever since.

Material things were not what was important to me. What was important to me was staying alive and not dying and asking God to live with me in my body which he did. Success for me was being kind to others and to myself and through that every good thing has come into my life.

By God's Grace