But, eventually I went back to college, first to Palomar College and studied Philosophy there and had a really great teacher who had studied Zen Buddhism in Japan there. He recognized my pain and my intelligence and how philosophy was helping me choose to stay alive then and I always got an A in his classes because I always spoke up in class. I was 21 or 22 so I wasn't afraid to speak out about anything in college Classes then because I had suffered just too much to shut up then. I was just barely able to convince myself to stay alive even one more day. But, these philosophy classes got me to move forward with baby steps back to a new life and philosophy which would bring me all the way to now. Later I studied psychology and Anthropology and realized that I was a natural shaman because I lived in both the world of the living and the world of the dead at the same time.
One reason I never took my own life is I realized Life and Death is the same. The problems you have hear you are also going to have when you die if you don't deal with them here. I could see this because I'm clairvoyant and can see into the heaven realms to some degree and I saw what happened to friends of mine that died in all kinds of situations and often it wasn't pretty what I saw.
So, this convinced me to stay alive and try to help and heal others of their wounds from growing up and in the process this would help me to heal my own wounds from growing up in life. I was then at that point trying to become a psychologist so I could help people and thereby help myself stay alive as well. Since I was trained to be a minister by my parents who were ministers this made sense to me at the time.
So, step by step I found ways to move forward through college and girlfriends and then marriage and a son born in 1974 when I was 26 and supporting my first wife and then we broke up in 1977 and I got my Landscaping Contractors license in 1978 where my friends who were also contractors often got large contracts we could all work together on doing large landscaping jobs. My specialty was heavy equipment and sprinkler systems and others of us were better at plants and conturing lands and placing boulders (which I also did for awhile) as well as tree trimming for awhile. But, I found tree trimming and placing boulders too dangerous so gave all that up when serious accidents that would have killed me or put me in the hospital were barely avoided. So, the Angels and Archangels were always there protecting me so I still have all my fingers and toes and my eyes. I only have to wear hearing aids from loud heavy equipment and shooting bolts with my father into warehouse cement walls when I was 12 to 17 with a bolt shooting gun with a .22 magnum charge to hold EMT mostly 1/2 inch conduit to hold electrical wires on the surface of reinforced concrete walls that you often see in warehouses manufacturing things.
Also, my ear plugs sometimes I would lose out of my ears when running a chain saw building my A-Frame house in the wilderness at 4000 feet on the side of Mt. Shasta which was sort of like a Swiss Family Robinson Mt. Shasta Wilderness life from 1980 to 1985 with my wife and 3 older kids then.
So, women's voices and things in the higher ranges I need hearing aids to hear better now. It's mostly the consonants when people talk which brings things out of my mouth like "You said What?"
The point of all this is that at every age you are at there are problems we all deal with and each of us has to be intelligent enough to make relatively good decisions or we just aren't around anymore.
By God's Grace we all survive some how!
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