Many things had happened culminating with breaking up with someone I wanted to marry. Looking back from now it is easy to see all the problems and how to solve every one of them. But then, I was only 21 and dealing with recovering from blunt trauma childhood epilepsy from ages 10 to 15 and recovering from almost dying from whooping cough and recovering from "Growing up in the 1950s" and having my life threatened several times with knives also.
Many many people didn't survive the 1950s or 1960s that were baby boomers born right after World War II. It's just that I was intelligent and resourceful enough and had good parents and friends that were there for me and I'm very adaptable by nature and enough of a survivor to have made it through these times.
For around 4 years time I really wanted to be dead. And the only way I made it through these times was by realizing that I couldn't kill myself because I couldn't do this to my parents who were very good parents. So, even when I wanted to be gone more than anything on earth, I couldn't do this to them because they had been excellent parents. So, I bit my lip often until it bled and soldiered on through these years.
On top of all this I was tall and handsome and always had girlfriends. People might consider this to be a really good thing. But, when I look back from now it was more confusing than anything else. However, the one good thing about this was if a girl was in love with me I felt a moral obligation to stay alive for her as long as we were dating. So, girlfriends in this sense kept me alive because of my loyalty to their love for me in addition to staying alive for my parents.
What changed things for me was meeting my first wife and having a son with her. After this, I never seriously considered taking my life ever again in any serious way.
Why? Because my selfish needs to exit earth were trumped by the needs of my son to be raised right so he could grow up and have a good life too.
You might ask me: "Were you happy after that?"
I would say the happiest I was was likely when I married the 2nd time in 1980 and I was happy for around 5 years until my father died which threw me into a middle Aged Crazy space from 1985 until 1998 when I was dying. But, by almost dying myself for 8 months somehow everything changed and I just became grateful for each moment God was providing me to take care of my wife and children and now grandchildren.
So, the happiest part of my life has been the last 22 years I would say since I almost died.
By God's Grace
Note: What kills people most is "Unrealistic Expectations". This is the death knell of people who live in the developed nations especially like Europe and the U.S. and Canada and other English speaking nations.
So, overcoming unrealistic expectations is really the difference between life and death for many of us.
You likely CANNOT do what you want to exactly. And even if you did you might not be happy anyway.
You have to find what you CAN live with because life is always changing. You have to be willing to make enough changes in your life to find some things you can do that you actually can live with.
Life after all, is a constant balancing act because without balance we all are soon dead. So, finding a balance that you can live with ongoing is an ongoing experiment for all of us.
All our lives are sort of like a constant lab Experiment in a Science Class in High School or college.
Engineer a life you can stand to live moment by moment. Otherwise you are dead before your time.
This is the way life really is beyond all the unrealistic expectations we are all given growing up.
No comments:
Post a Comment