I first met Richard when he was 8 and his sister was around 7 years old. My parents had been put in Charge of the Los Angeles church of our denomination and their mother was one of the wealthiest patronesses of our church and also ran the Sunday School. And her parents had Bought Shasta Springs for our main Church as a summer place for Conclaves and a Jesus Pageant and Amphitheater. So all the property had been bought by Richard's Grandparents around 1950.
The year I met Richard was 1954 when I was 6 in Tujunga where I lived then(next to the Angeles National Forest). My best friend's father next door to us worked at Mt. Wilson so he drove us to the top of mt. Wilson up the Angeles Crest Hiway nearby at an altitude of over 5700 feet. I'm not sure that most people who haven't been to California realize that skiing in the winter is potentially within a 45 minute drive from the Center of Los Angeles at 8000 feet at Mt. Waterman which is near to Mt. Wilson. Or if you were cross country skiing I suppose you could on any trail you could find above 6000 feet when snow is available in the winter.
I remember I was very shy then so when the three of them rang our doorbell I ran into my room and tried to open my bedroom window so I could run away into the night and hide from them so I wouldn't have to meet the three of them. I got the window open but there was a lock on the screen I couldn't unfasten without breaking it so I quickly crawled under my bed to hide. So my mother and Richard's mother each grabbed me by one foot and dragged me out from under my bed and I had to meet Richard and his sister. (Later I dated his sister from age 17 to age 19 while she went to L.A. State University).
So Richard and I were thrown together during Sunday School at Church. Since my parents were in charge of the church from my age 6 to 12 I couldn't get out of going to Sunday School even though I tried very hard to not have to go. As I went more over the years Richard and I became friends. I noticed he was very intelligent and I didn't have to fight him like I did many other boys my age to survive my life then. So I found this refreshing not to have to argue or have to fight with him. So I found I could trust him which was unusual among boys then. So later when he was about 15 and I was 12 or 13 he counseled me (while we both sang in the church choir on Friday Nights) that I should prepare for college. His family was very educated and successful and so it was his family tradition to become well educated. So Richard and my cousin who was 5 years older and who became a very successful lawyer in California both counseled me to go to college and to become successful. So I attribute all the years I spent in college to them and to my parents.
Richard eventually graduated College and became a teacher and was a Conscientious Objector on religious reasons when they tried to draft him for Viet Nam. The head of our religion wrote him a letter which helped him get this classification. However, because he didn't have to go fight he dedicated his life to teaching the underprivileged in East Los Angeles the rest of his adult life. He eventually got a Master's degree in psychology and created a Siddhartha module for self exploration and self understanding which kept many many kids out of drugs, gangs and other suicidal behavior. And it also moved many to understanding themselves enough to go to college and to become successful in all ways too. This module was used by many High School Teachers to motivate their kids and to keep them alive and moving into college towards success in all ways to be a benefit to themselves, their families and to their communities.
When I was excommunicated from our religion he stayed my friend and thought I should have lied about my life in the late 1960s as most other young people did in order to keep going to our church. So I said, "No. Either you believe what your religion teaches or you don't. If it isn't true and you aren't true you have no business being in that religion." Boy, what an idealist I was in my late teens and early twenties. However, as I watched my friends who stayed and lied about who they were and what they were doing, they one by one seemed to fall apart somewhere along the way. Not being true to themselves in this way seemed to make their lives (in the long run) much worse then my fate.
Unfortunately, this was also true for my friend. In college he dabbled with Bi-sexual relations which wasn't unusual for Southern California college students in Los Angeles county and San Diego county during the 1970s. So I just thought it was a phase that he was going through just like many experimented then with all sorts of unusual things during the 1970s. It was a very rebellious and unusual time during the 1970s.
Then my friend was married (to a woman) and then his wife died in their swimming pool 12 years later. He told me she had mixed a muscle relaxant and alcohol together so when she got into the pool her muscles stopped working and she drowned alone there. It was very hard on him. Later he married again and within a few years his new wife joined a Sufi Cult and Master and he was alone again. Then he decided to come out gay when he was 56 years old. Though I think this might have been important for him to do I think if he was going to do this he would have needed to do this during college. Because by age 56 this just wasn't very useful for him to do (as far as relationships go). So even though he felt much freer to be open about his sexuality I think coming out just hastened his death.
Then he started telling me that all his male friendships including me were men he had been attracted to when he was young. This was a very difficult thing for me to hear because this was one of my best platonic friends from childhood saying this and it made our friendship strange to me in some ways. And so even though it didn't end our friendship it sort of strained it some. Then when he came to visit my wife and I often he would drink a bottle of wine by himself and sort of scare my wife and daughter. I finally said he couldn't drink alcohol when he visited us next. He sort of got offended by this and wouldn't visit us for a couple of years in our home on the Northern Coast of California. But somehow we weathered all these changes and stayed in touch as friends by phone. The one thing great about Richard was that I could always talk to him about literally anything. He was as non-judgemental as I tended to be and so we could converse intelligently on any subject.
I can remember when Richard was about 15 and I 13 he began telling me jokes and we spent a lot of time laughing together. He also introduced me to philosophic ways of thinking and the Socratic method of communicating and solving problems. I have found this very efficient and useful all my life. Though Richard and I didn't always agree on everything throughout our lives we always found ways to bridge any barriers that stood between us and to remain friends.
The last time I married I had two best men who stood up for me at my wedding and one of them was Richard. Richard talked me into marrying my present wife and I will be forever grateful for his recommendation. Though he wasn't the only one that encouraged me to marry again I will always be grateful for all the happiness, joy and peace that my present wife and daughter brought into my life! Thanks Richard! I wish you Peace and Joy wherever you go. And thanks for being my friend for 55 years. Rest in Peace!
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