From September 1998 until May 1999 both my doctors and I weren't sure I would survive the heart virus I had (mostly because they couldn't even diagnose what was wrong until I got over it) It turns out that in 1999 the only way to diagnose a heart virus was after a person had survived it or by an autopsy. So, when I couldn't breathe because of it I had to retire early at age 50 in 1998. When I couldn't breathe (with a heart virus the heart is not beating fast or strong enough to fully oxygenate one's blood. So no matter how fast one breathes one is still going to pass out from lack of oxygen. However, if one panics from passing out one dies immediately, gone.
Luckily, I had survived whooping cough at age 2 where one has to give in to the coughing to not die from exhaustion like many children do. Also, I had been taught a disconnection meditation by the Tibetan Lamas I had studied with in the U.S. and India and Nepal. So the "Let Go and Let God" attitude that allowed me to survive whooping cough at age 2 combined with the refusal to panic through a conscious meditation no matter what allowed me to survive. Besides, I had a two year old new daughter and I couldn't die or she wouldn't have a father. So, I just refused to die. Once I realized in May 1999 that I was going to live I started to hear about all the people who had died that year of heart viruses and I realized just how lucky I had been to survive this illness. I guess God really wanted me to write. He had to almost kill me to get me to start publishing what I had been writing most of my life.
While I was in Stanford Medical near Stanford University in Northern California I was in a hospital pre-operation room along with all the people on guerneys who were awaiting heart operations from an angiogram to full on heart operations where one's chest is opened and valves or more are replaced. There was a feeling of resignation and fear in the room and I prayed to God and I said, "God. If I survive all this I'm going to start a Website and tell all the amazing experiences that I have had with you all my life, God". I had realized that my fear of publishing all my experiences was pretty stupid of me in the end. I realized that "What a Loss if all the suffering and amazing experiences I have had to get to know God and Angels Better in my life died with me." I realized that if I lived it was because God was saying, "Fred. Most people don't have experiences like you have had with me. Tell them about it so that they can take heart and not suffer so much." And so I started my first website in 1999 in late May and have been writing there and since 2007 here and a little more recently at my archive site at:
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