Often when you get older you are staying alive for your children, grandchildren and friends and spouse. Because if you have ever lost someone close to you you know just how traumatic that can be. For example, I had lost one grandmother that had helped raise me when I was around 30 and I could sort of deal with that because she had moved to Seattle to be with her two daughters about 10 years before she passed at age 90. I was driving north with my mother to see her before she passed and we missed her by only a few hours. She knew we were coming and I guess she let go and went on as we drove north to Seattle.
But, when my father passed away in 1985 I was not prepared for this emotionally so I didn't know what to expect. Plus in 1985 I was 37 years old and moving towards Middle aged crazy where you feel your youth slipping away and it's like falling without a parachute and the ground (the end of life) suddenly seems more near than before.Losing my father was really awful and I wasn't okay at all with my father's passing until I almost died myself at age 50. But then, I went into a state of grace after almost dying myself for about 8 months and being force to retire. Then I became a different person and was grateful for every moment I had left with my friends and family. So, death I had already experienced for 8 or 9 months believing I likely was dying. So, living became grace from then on.
So, It was like I already died and was just grateful for the moments I had left with family and friends and living here on earth in a state of grace. That was 1998 about 23 years ago this fall now and when I got well was May of 1999 and I have been in a state of Grace being grateful for every moment ever since.
By God's Grace
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