When I was young I found myself to be a very logical fellow. Other people did too. With this logic I quickly eliminated a lot of useless things in life while I watched many other illogical children harm themselves or die in multiple ways. Also, I found myself to be a very intuitive person as well. So this helped in knowing things often before they happened. This also kept me and anyone who listened to me both alive and in one piece.
However, eventually I reached a place that many reach somewhere between ages 12 to 25 where actually being alive and staying alive didn't make sense anymore to me. So I considered ending my life. Life was just too hard and too much effort to continue. So, as I went through all the reasons to stay alive versus all the reasons to leave the main reasons to stay alive were for my parents and my friends. I wasn't happy with this outcome. Because to only stay alive for others seemed like such a waste of time at that time in my life.
So, I tried to find a reason to stay alive for me. And I was successful enough to live through my teens and 20s until I married and had a son at age 26. I was one of the lucky ones who mentally and physically made it through my teens and 20s relatively unscathed. It's not that bad things didn't happen to me, they did. It's just that I was healthy enough and smart enough in all ways so they didn't take me under to mental or physical death.
I remember one time when I said to God (and I meant it) "God if you don't show yourself to me I'm going to kill myself within the next few days."
Soon after that I found myself in someplace like the Orion Nebula and God coming to me sort of looking like a rainbow Constellation or something like that and saying to me, "You are taking all this too seriously! There are only two sins in life Fred, taking life too seriously and not taking it seriously enough. The best way to view life is as a serious game. Less than that life becomes silly and redundant. Taking it too seriously tends to make one crazy or evil in nature. So balance is the most important thing a person can attain. Life is a serious joke but it is still serious. So enjoy it but laugh a lot at life and yourself. It is meant to enjoy. It is not designed to make you suffer. I designed it all because I was empty or you might in your culture call it bored. Everything I created is me! It's all my game that I am playing. I designed time and space but in reality time and space is only in my mind. If you kill anyone it is like cutting off one of the fingers of God and God won't be happy with you for that. You are one of the trillions and trillions of fingers of God in the Universe, Fred. Your life will be easier and go better now. Enjoy your life!"
When I came back to my body I shook and was in shock for many days after this experience with God. God wasn't at all what I thought. He? didn't think like I thought and wasn't interested at all in what most people think about. This experience completely changed my life. I was terribly embarrassed that I had ever even considered taking my own life. A whole new order began for me within me. Hopefully, my experience will help your life too!
There is a saying in the Bible, "No man may see God and live!"
I agree with this. When I "Saw" God I died. I'm a new person now after that experience. Though my life has not been perfect, whose has? However, I realize I have had a really amazing life after all. Maybe my whole life in some ways was so I could share my experience with God with you.
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