Panic Attacks

Usually, Panic attacks are really helpful if you listen to them. They are usually indicators that something is really wrong in your life and that you are making really bad choices. Your choices often are logical to you but your mind and body cannot survive the choices you are making and so gives you a panic attack which often resembles a heart attack or stroke.

I had a mild one last night which as telling me I shouldn't have a colonoscopy this week. I had one when I was 50 and another when I was 52 but I realized the timing wasn't right for this one because I'm still pretty jet lagged from going to south Korea and still not sleeping much between the hours of midnight and 6 am. Last night I slept from 10 to 12:30 after midnight but then woke up until around 5 am which is sort of what I have been experiencing. By the way Midnight to 6 am would equate to about 3pm to 9 pm in South Korea the next day. (Note: for Pacific time this time of year it actually goes more like 4:30pm equals 8:30 Am so that actually means that 10 am there would be 6 pm here so then 4 am here would be Midnight there.  And 6 am there is actually 2pm there. And while we are at it all the theres are 16 hours ahead of Pacific Time. So, most of the time it is tomorrow there on top of everything else. So, when I took off and flew 11 or 12 hours (took off around 5:30pm Sunday) I arrived at a little after Noon Sunday on the same day in San Francisco even though it was sunset when I left South Korea.  So, this likely is why this is happening and one of the hardest times for me to stay awake while I was in South Korea too. So, I guess I had to shift my body clock there and now it doesn't want to shift back to Pacific time.

Someone at party for an event the other day was telling me you have to wake up and see the sun rise to reset your body clock. However, I haven't been awake at that time because it is usually about 1 hour to 1/2 and hour after I finally get to sleep for 6 hours or more around 6 am in the morning.

So, my minor panic attack was around 2 am while in bed trying to get to sleep and realizing 3 things in my life that had to be addressed. I was really grateful on one level for this panic attack because it gave me clarity of things I had to deal with.(three different issues) two of a business nature and one regarding my colonoscopy. So, I resolved not to wake my wife up and to let her sleep but knew I was hardened  in my decision making in regard to everything so knew this was good.

The main thing I realized is that I was really traumatized both physically and psychologically from my unexpected burst appendix and operation a week later. But, that really wasn't the worst of it. The worst of it was not being able to sleep for a month and so not being able to make any useful decisions for about 2 1/2 weeks which I found pretty terrifying as an adult. Then the next things is an inoperable hernia above my belly button that I'm having to live with too.

However, I have been told I can screen it instead of having it operated on so I'm learning more about that as time goes by. So, within a few years likely that is what I will do.

So, as you age you have to make wiser and wiser decisions or else you are either dysfunctional or dead. This is just life as it really is. And if you panic all the time about that is just going to shorten your life too.

So, whenever possible: "Don't Panic!"

But, sometimes you body is trying to tell you things you might have missed.

So, though my wife wasn't happy about me telling her I couldn't get a colonoscopy right now, when I told her, "How would you like to have another full knee replacement on your other knee?" And she understood we both have been through enough trauma for the year already.