Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Grief Therapy

The worst Grief I have personally seen is when my ex-wife came back from France after her last divorce to a musician there and then her father died suddenly. She came to me because we have remained friends since we divorced in 1978 and since we share a son that I raised after that so we have remained friends all through the years since then. However, when her father died it was too much for her and when she didn't cry or grieve I knew she was in trouble. next, she shaved her head and was walking around in towels on my friend's land in the mountains. It took her several months to get back to normal once again because she wasn't able to cry and grieve when her father died.

For me, the worst grief was losing my father in 1985 when I was 37. I wasn't exactly right until I was 50 and almost died from a heart virus myself. Somehow this saved me from middle Aged crazy because it made me realize that death comes to us all and that each moment after 40 is actually Grace. Because before 1900 most people were dead before 40 anyhow. So, the epitaph of people before 1900 was often "born died 20 buried 60". It was a different time than now.

So, Grace saved me of realizing each moment I have left is a gift from God and sort of "Extra Credit" in the overall scheme of things. So, whether I die right now or 10,000 years from now, it is all Grace in the eyes of God. Each moment we have is Grace!

Then in 1999 when my present wife's mother died she had not ever lost someone this close to her before but we had a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I was worried I was going to lose my wife and I was going to have to raise my 2 1/2 year old daughter alone like I had already raised my 3 year old son in 1977 on alone until I remarried in 1980 to my 2nd wife.

So, my present wife and I went to a grief Counselor because we could afford to do that. It was very helpful. My wife's reaction to her mother's death was anger. And often this anger would be directed at me. However, I wasn't to blame for my wife's mother's death. However, as an intuitive I was the first to tell her that her mother was dying 6 months before her passing. Doctors came the same conclusion 2 months later in January 4 months before she died in April.

So, guiding my wife back to life and to the living was a chore of epic proportions but worth it completely to my daugher and myself and all my children and friends.

But, part of what made this possible was a Grief Therapist counselor that sometimes we still see once a month to fine tune our marriage even today to make it work the most efficiently in all ways.

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