So, Psychology Today wound up allowing me to give up family pride in such a way that I could survive without committing suicide. This was necessary for me to survive this time in my life.
At the time I didn't realize I had PTSD from whooping cough, Blunt Trauma childhood epilepsy, having to leave my childhood Church and surviving the insane people of the 1950s and 1960s.
So, until I could let go of what I might call "Family Pride" which is basically all the expectations put on me by my family in various ways I was going to self destruct and knew it eventually.
But, when I could let go of all the things expected of me and concentrated on what would actually keep me alive, these psychology today magazines saved my life.
But, like I said, books like Siddhartha and other Herman Hesse works helped me to create a future I could stand to actually live rather than completely self destruct. Intelligence is a powerful thing which will either take you into success or it will destroy you. My father was valedictorian of his high school Class and I wasn't. But, I still had that level of intelligence but I didn't apply it in the way my father did or I would have died between 10 to 15 years of age and I knew this was true at the time.
So, I had to survive Blunt Trauma childhood epilepsy which created Intuitive Fred and God coming into my life in a very very REAL and powerful way that was so powerful it overwhelmed all aspects of my young life.
So, I went from being a young scientist in my experiences to becoming a scientific man of God so that I applied the scientific method to all religious and spiritual things always ever after.
This was more powerful on all levels than anything I had ever experienced before and created me into the person I am now.
Another thing I discovered in College was that I was a natural Shaman or Priest or Minister in the ancient definition.
I was studying Cultural Anthropology at Palomar College and I learned that a shaman was someone who had psychologically died but their body lived on so they could live in both the world of the living and the world of the dead. This described my experience perfectly. It also said that a natural shaman could also help heal people because they could see both into the world of the dead and the world of the living. This also described me as well.
So, all these things helped me realize who I was naturally from the experiences I had already had in my life. Later on, I realized I was experiencing PTSD in various forms from the traumas of my life but that these same traumas had created me into a natural shaman that is capable of healing people. Then I began to identify with Saint Francis of Asisi after seeing a movie about him. So, I began slowly to see who I was and started moving into who God wanted me to be in this lifetime.
It wasn't an easy path but over time I got married had a son and started to start businesses to support myself, my wife and all my children along the way. I also started by realizing I would become a householder Yogi like I read about in Lahiri Mahasaya in India who was Yogananda's Guru's Guru.
The Book is "Autobiography of a Yogi" by Paramahanza Yogananda
So, through the discipline of being a father and husband I learned to become enlightened like Lahiri Mayasaya learned to become enlightened too while working for the Indian Railroad.
So, step by step God showed me how to save and to create my own life and stay alive and do God's work here on earth.
By God's Grace
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