When you know you are having some kind of PTSD reaction to something

I often know when I am having some kind of PTSD reaction and when I sense this I will usually talk to someone I trust about this to "let it out" and to mitigate the problem before it becomes more serious.

One of our family homes is on top of a hill in Santa Barbara with a great view. However, I still have a little paranoia from the 1950s in the way I was conditioned to think to survive by my father and grandfather. They both taught me to defend myself with a gun by the way so I could hit anything within 100 yards of me by the time I was 10 years old. This was just a part of Western U.S. culture until after the Viet Nam War was over and people changed a lot after that here in the U.S.

So, when my wife and I drove down from the SF Bay area here in California to Santa Barbara I sensed someone was looking at me through a scope but I didn't like this because I felt like i was being sighted in on a rifle scope. Though this might have been true I also realized that this isn't a healthy way to think other than t maybe close your curtains so you cannot be directly targeted.

I spoke within an hour or two of this experience to my daughter and my wife. My daughter is even more intuitively endowed than I am (or better said I lifted her up on my shoulders and she is incredibly smart like my father was. I'm intuitively smart and people often are overwhelmed with what I'm aware of around me. But, I don't consider myself to be an intellectual. However, my wife disagrees with me even though she has 2 bachelor's degrees and a master's degree in Business as well.

Whereas I have gone to UCSC in Santa Cruz but I don't have a Bachelor's degree or a master's degree but I do have about 8 years of college total since I was 18 years of age. But, I sort of gave up. getting my bachelor's degree when I was about 42 years of age because I realized my studies were interfering with my time as a father.
 
So, now I just had a defibrillator pacemaker put into me in an operation. So, even though this might very well add 20 to 30 years to my life (because I was preparing to die before this) it still is some PTSD to deal with preparing to live another 20 to 30 years or more instead of preparing to die within a couple of years which is what was happening to me before my new pacemaker.

So, it's a shock to not be dying and it's a shock to still be living and it's a shock that I might never die until 100 or more because of modern day technology. However, it is also better for my family (all members of my family that I stay alive as long as possible as long as i have all my marbles).

Living on and on and on is sort of like feeling you are relatively immortal which is an interesting place to be as a human being.

By God's Grace