The Dream

I hadn't slept well last night because I had stayed too long in the sun yesterday in my Hot Tub Spa outside yesterday (three hours) and had gotten the worst sunburn in about 20 to 40 years in my life. I had spent up to two hours many times before in my spa between January and now and had never been burned but I guess it wasn't in July so I didn't get so burned. So, I realized that my sensibilities were not all that I might like them to be lately.

So, this morning I got up and wrote a little (two articles) but sort of felt out of body ever since here on 4th of July. Also, I was sort of depressed because I couldn't convince anyone to go see fireworks. (There are none locally unless we drove into San Francisco) And also, being on an Organic Raw Vegan Juice fast isn't very desirable to me to be on during the 4th of July.

So, about 8 am I went back to sleep and had a disturbing dream. I was driving a 1980s huge luxury car the kind my mother drove in the early 1980s. And I was driving down near San Diego where I used to live in the early 1970s when I went to college there. Anyway, I was driving this huge car and everything suddenly wasn't operating right. Somehow when I pushed the electric windows the whole back area of the car started to fold up towards me and I started to get uneasy because I realized that driving was starting to get too problematic to possibly continue. Then I pushed the lever the opposite way and thing started to go back to normal behind me in the car but then a window between the front and back seat closed like in a limo or cab. Since I didn't know this window was there or how it operated I was confused by this. Then I turned onto what I thought was the turnoff to another freeway but instead it was a footpath which scraped the two sides of the car as it got smaller going down into a lower area from which there was no way out for the car. So, I got out of the car and looked around for a way to remedy the situation and then I woke up feeling both confused and scared.

At the moment I woke up I was scared by the dream and wanted to eat something that was not on my diet so I ate a couple of pieces of toast with butter and cheese. But, I'm not sure that was the best idea either. So, then I got an mango which is on my diet and had that too. My wife who is presently at least not on this diet was ecstatic about the ripe luscious mango and I hand fed her two pieces which made her exceedingly happy because she loves mangoes. I tried this with a papaya lately and learned that papayas are not her thing but it was really great to see her with this happy face with mangoes. So, it encouraged me to persevere on this diet even though I really would like to be eating some 4th of July appropriate food today.

Also, I wrote something this morning called, "The Consciousness of Food" which I deleted just now because I think what I wrote helped trigger this dream. Also, yesterday I noticed that I have lost so much weight so fast that my heart's position slipped all of a sudden on me and was kind of scary. But when I talked to my wife about this she thought that might be caused by the reduction in  cortisol which is a stress related hormone that comes from gaining weight. So, there are many changes in my body from losing 30 pounds in the last week. So, there are many adjustments mentally, emotionally and physically that I am going through in order to keep everything in a useful balance in my life.

Though looking better and feeling better also comes from losing weight one also has to deal with the consequences of looking better and feeling better in one's life. Though it keeps you alive longer to be healthier and thinner, it also has to be dealt with in all ways.

I realize a part of me held on to this weight as a buffer of dealing with unresolved feelings around my ex-wife and the child custody battle regarding my now 23 year old daughter. But, there is a saying, "Time heals all wounds" and now I'm completely ready to let go of my weight as a buffer. It's just not useful to me anymore if I want to keep staying alive. "Time heals all wounds".


Later: Another thing about the cause of the dream. I found myself having an experience with the juice from all the vegies and fruits in that the consciousness of the veggies and fruits that I have been drinking this past week wondered what happened to it's source body (the vegetables and fruits). But that left me in a quandary, "What do I tell the consciousness of the veggies and fruits that came into my body by my drinking what came from the juicer?" I'm usually as honest as I can manage with all life in the universe but I'm sort of stumped at what to tell this consciousness.

I've seen this sort of quandary faced by the Jaines in India where some people choose to not hurt veggies or fruits to the point where they won't hurt animals, fruits, veggies or anything and they just choose to die instead of eating anything. I think that is kind of crazy myself but to each his own. I was raised a lacto ovo vegetarian and was one until I was about 32 years old and am still about a 85 to 90 percent lacto ovo vegetarian since then.(Lacto ovo simply means a vegetarian that eats milk and milk products and eggs). However, this present juice diet is really helping me and even though the veggies and fruits might not like what the juicer does to them I feel I have the right to live and to lose weight. What do you think about this? I got the feeling that the vegetables and fruits expected me to eat them and so were kind of confused at being juiced as they expected to be eaten and this was part of the cause of the dream. Also, as I lose weight my body and organs positions in my body are all changing as well as my balance points. When I look in the mirror I recognize my old self (before my mid 40s more also). So, it's nice to look in the mirror and recognize who you are looking at. It is like seeing an old friend that you used to know (before I was in my mid 40s).