Going to Church

My parents (though my father was an Electrical Contractor 5 days a week) were both ministers especially when they were in charge of a church in Los Angeles from 1954 until 1960 when I was 6 to 12 years old.

I always found going to church (extremely paradoxical). On the one hand people would give my parents and I gifts all the time(like by giving us gifts they would be closer to God?) and on the other hand people tended to be (Either) REally amazing college educated and gifted people who really made a lot of money and had nice homes and or traveled a lot all over the world, OR they were kind of crazy trying to live the church's laws of life and this sometimes killed them or drove them insane.

So, this was my experience of the 1950s from 1954 to 1960. After this experience I was sort of scared of what church meant both to people in the church I grew up in and people who went to church in any denomination around the world in the world's religions.

However, my experience with God was a completely different experience and didn't really have as much to do with church. I think it was my mother who thought this way and so gave me this idea that God was a personal experience and church was something people did so they wouldn't kill each other so much but church really didn't have much to do really with one's personal experience with God.

So, church stayed a very paradoxical thing where I met friends and eventually girlfriends but always was sort of confusing because of all the many many paradoxes I encountered.

Also, I saw people who were extreme in their beliefs and it killed them and I watched this too. There were people who would go to Mt. Shasta where one of the church's retreat centers was and tell me that they were going up on the mountain in their white suits and white shoes at night after a class and then they were found dead a few days later from exposure up on the mountain. So, I came to associate churches with this kind of suicidal behavior as well as a child.

Another lady came up to me and said in church one day when I was about 9 or 10, she grabbed my lapels and said like she was going to ravage me or something, "I love money, I love money, I love money" and finally said something like AMen when she was done. I guess she was having some sort of sexual or supernatural experience saying a prayer that "I love money over and over" and then I felt she was completely crazy and maybe wanted to have sex with me which was even scarier for me to contemplate because I was 9 or 10 years old.

So, I sort of began to associate some of the people in church as "Crazy" and some of the people were rich and made the whole church experience work for them.

But, as I became an adult I found I trusted regular people who didn't go to church and were kind to me much more than I ever felt I could trust adults(especially over 30) who go to church regularly because often they are completely crazy (At least to a child or young adult).

So, at about age 21 I was excommunicated from my church for being basically (too honest with people) and this was unacceptable at the time.

I sort of moved to a place where I realized my personal experience with God (probably because it totally worked for me in keeping me and everyone around me alive) scared the crap out of people in any church I attended. Having as powerful a personal experience with God as I always had was just too much for people to deal with who saw themselves as victims of God.

AFter I asked God to live in my body 24 hours a day at age 15 I was never a victim of God ever again. God lived in my body with me and helped me make good decisions for myself and others 24 hours a day. And I slowly began to see I was more like an ancient tribal shaman (the real thing) instead of some fake thing that tended to cause people's deaths. Also, I began to see that church's in general I found to be obsolete for the times we lived in (starting in the 1960s and 1970s) so I tended to talk to God directly because that was always more efficient than asking scared and confused people questions because often that might cost you your life.

So, my thought is you need a direct experience with God because many of the people in all churches are well meaning but kind of crazy and might get you killed if you listen to them. So, the sooner you have a direct experience with God as your friend 24 hours a day the more likely you will live a long and wonderful life.