Understanding

I had an experience in the early 1980s that was very difficult for me. A girl I knew was going out with a friend of mine and she said, "He is so controlling. How can I have the upper hand with him?"

My reply was logical but also problematic too. I said, "If you sleep with him you will then be in control". She did as I said and she then began controlling him instead of him controlling her. The problem with this was she didn't use birth control and she got pregnant. But, then she came crying to me saying, "I don't want to have his baby I already have a daughter and I don't want to live with him.

She asked if she should get an abortion. I said I thought abortion was a bad idea. But, I find this was what I believed then that I should not advocate anyone having an abortion unless they were raped.

But, she had an abortion anyway. And my friend was upset about it because he wanted her to stay in his life but she didn't want that. She wanted to live with her daughter and not live with him.

This sort of thing I think happens all the time. I was about 32 years old and this lady was a friend of my family in her 20s. So, because of the ages of my friends at that time this sort of thing makes sense for the age group.

IF someone came to me today while I'm 70 and asked me the same question now that I have 2 biological daughters 22 and 29 I'm not sure what I would say. But, luckily I'm not 32 anymore so it is unlikely I will have to deal with that type of thing again.

But, I think it is important to understand people who make questionable decisions because people do this especially in their teens and 20s. So, it is important to try to be supportive to people trying to survive their lives anyway you can. I did my best then. Was I right or wrong? I don't know it was likely around 1980 almost 40 years ago now. And it isn't really useful to try to apply today's mores to what happened in 1980 because that now is almost forever ago because most people now alive weren't even born then.